Page 6

Connor

I couldn’t go to school today. I got into a fight with Dad, and he didn’t give me money for the bus ticket. I didn’t want to risk getting caught riding without one. It would look bad. Besides, I had a little bit too much to drink yesterday. Better she didn’t see me in such a state. Parties like that are no-holds-barred affairs, so we tend to binge until our lights go out.

Going back to Abbs—at first, seeing me made her seem irritated and on edge, but then something changed. She became interested. Which, in turn, made me stressed. I need my space, so I thought it would be a good idea to skip school for a couple of days. It felt a bit weird not seeing her, but sometimes my other fucked up personality wakes up—let’s just call it that, shall we?—and that one freezes at the slightest hint of discomfort. And fear is discomfort, no doubt about it. Only what scares me so much? Being left? Or getting involved? Trusting? Fuck knows. Nevertheless, that emotional state has now taken me over, so I skipped school for a couple of days. End of story.

But it’s Wednesday now. I didn’t want to see Abbs while I still had those feelings that made me feel so good whenever I was close to her. It’s different with other girls. They are drawn to me in droves. Sometimes their openness is too much even for me, sitting on my lap without invitation. The fact remains that their attention does nothing to arouse any reaction from me. I never feel those jolts of energy when I am with them. That’s what keeps me in control. With Abbs, it’s the opposite. On the one hand, I’m pretty turned on by that, but on the other, that’s just so alien to me. Makes things difficult. I even had this idea to take her out. I’ve never done that before. I’ve never been on a date. But that’s out of the question. I’m too shy. She makes me shy. I don’t know why. With her, all my insecurities and deeply hidden emotions crawl out. I feel defenseless. Besides, I feel that after a date that might only get worse. And maybe I’d start losing my interest in her. I’d stop pursuing her at all. And then there’s the bet. Only whenever she’s around, it seems so trivial. I can’t imagine being able to do that to her. Each time I return to the Den, Phil or the guys start talking shit again, and then I feel stupid and start pretending the deal is still on.

Now I’m sitting, a bit woozy, on a bench by the projects, thinking about the same things over and over again. Max runs by.

“Hey, Ve. You heard? Abbs said she’s going to go out with you!”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m serious.”

“I didn’t even ask her.”

“I know, but we asked her for you.”

“What!? Are you out of your fucking minds?” I roar, seeing red and springing to my feet.

“Sorry, dude, but you were making a shitty job of it yourself.”

“Okay, so what exactly did she say?” My curiosity is getting the better of me, pushing away the discomfort.

“She said you should ask her yourself.”

“That’s fucking right! Now she thinks I’m some kind of dipshit. Fucking thanks.” He’s got under my skin real good. “But she did say she’d go out with me. How did that happen?”

“I don’t know, Ve. She just came over to me and said that.”

“Came over? What did she say?” I ask, suddenly all caught in by what she did.

“She asked if you still wanted to see her. And I said, ‘Yeah, I think so’ and she said, ‘Alright then, Friday five p.m.’ So, I told her you’ll be there, ’cause you will, won’t you?” Now Max is getting disoriented.

“You know it! I’m not sure if I should thank you or what.”

“So be there. Listen, I got to go.”

I light up a cigarette and start pacing. A date… Where should I take her? What to wear? Dammit! What’s most interesting is that the moment I was thinking about what to do, the answer showed up all on its own. Coincidence? Or maybe the guy upstairs is fucking with me? I keep my head occupied with that for a moment, but nothing good comes to my mind, so I drop it.

Friday comes, and I’m so stressed out from the moment I wake up that I skip school again. I’ve been at Max’s since three. He’s helping me to prepare. He even went to the market and brought me a cologne. Smells kind of nice. And he bought a rose. It’s nearly five o’clock, and I’m getting ready to leave.

“Good luck, bro,” Max says by way of goodbye.

I like him. He’s different. Not a shallow smart-ass like the others. He’s got a depth to him. A goodness.

Riding the elevator to her floor, I feel my heart pounding in my chest, then flitting like a hummingbird’s wings. I knock on her door. It opens after an instant, revealing my angel.

God, how beautiful she is. I inhale deeply and hand her the flower, saying: “You look stunning.”

She smiles.

“Thanks. You too.”

Me and Max, we came up with the idea of taking her to Lost of Memories. It’s a little pub, out of the way. A nice place.

“Where are we going?” she asks on the bus.

“That one spot. You’ll see.”

She raises her head to look at me.

“You weren’t there,” she says after a moment. My hands are sweaty. What do I say to that?

“Yeah, tough week.” I hope that’s enough. In vain.

“What happened? What made the week so tough?”

“Abbs, if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Sure, sorry I asked. I just…” She breaks off.

“Just what?” I ask, a bit colder than I should have.

“I was wondering,” she replies, blushing. Something’s bothering her.

“About what?”

“If something happened or you were just ghosting me,” she says, giggling with feigned reproach, her cheeks growing redder by the moment. How is it that she can be so bold and confident, at the same time looking something completely different?

What am I supposed to tell her now? I can’t reveal that I got scared of the power she was developing over me.

“What, you missed me?” I retort with a smirk, deftly avoiding a real answer.

“Maybe.” She cuts the topic short and turns her head to the window.

When we arrive, I ask what she’ll have. She chooses the same beer I’m having, only with syrup. It’s really nice. Abbs is charming, sharp, and funny. I can’t stop staring at her. I feel such bliss when she’s sitting next to me. I’m overcome with happiness and the feeling that I can do anything. Her eyes pull me in. There’s something in them that I can’t quite define. Nevertheless, when our stares meet, there are particles of energy floating in the air, enveloping me like a warm coat. What the fuck? Warm coat? Particles of energy…? What the hell is happening to me? What’s with the cheesy lines?

I can’t quite wrap my head around this euphoria and the fact that I simply have no control over it. It’s all happening on its own. Magic.

“So, another beer?” I ask, seeing she’s already finishing hers too.

“No, that’s probably not the best idea. Unless you want to carry me home.” She chuckles.

“Oh, come on, don’t be silly. After two beers?” I mock slightly.

“You’ll see,” she replies, growing more serious but keeping that beautiful smile of hers.

“Also with syrup?”

“Yes, please.”

After a while, the bartender brings us another round. Time flies quickly, and I so wish it would stop.

“Gosh, I booked a tanning session for eight. I completely forgot!” Abbs cries suddenly.

The fuck? I think.

“Just cancel it,” I reply, almost demanding.

“No, I can’t; I’ve already paid.”

“Alright, finish your beer. I’ll go with you.”

As we leave, Abbs stumbles. Maybe two beers really were too much for her.

In any case, I can already see her pretty face smashing on the pavement.

“Watch out!” I cry and grab her by the arm at the last instant.

The feeling I have then is one of a kind. I swear I’ve never felt something like that. Well, maybe when I first took her hand when introducing myself, or that time on the bus when she fell into me, but now it’s even stronger. I can’t describe it. It’s as if she zapped me with a current that made my hair stand on end, and I mean hair everywhere. A wave of heat passes through my entire body. She must be feeling it too, as she jerks away.

“Why don’t you take my arm, eh?” I suggest, deciding she really did overdo it with the beer. Besides, I’d like to keep touching her.

“Yes, that seems like a good idea,” she says sheepishly and slides her arm beneath mine. Meanwhile, I’m dreaming that this moment never ends.

What is this? I don’t know! What’s happening to me? I don’t know this feeling, but—holy shit!—I love it. We take the bus and sit in the last seat. It’s nearly empty. There are only two other people riding with us, and they’re sitting in the front. We ride in silence. The beer is doing its job. I’m relaxing. Or maybe it’s not the alcohol. What if she’s the one that’s spinning my head around like that? We’re sitting without looking at each other. She seems embarrassed. She drops her head and fiddles with her fingernails. I think she can feel my gaze on her, as her head lifts. Our eyes meet. What a breathtaking view! How they shine! I can see my reflection in them like in water. Her eyes tell me everything I need to know and too little at the same time.

“What’s up?” I ask with concern. “Are you feeling unwell?”

“No, no, it’s alright.”

“’Cause you’re looking at me like…”

“Like what?” she asks quietly.

“I don’t know. As if inside you’re just screaming: kiss me!”

“Oh, my God! That’s right! Oh, no, did I say that aloud?”

I laugh, seeing she’s pulling my leg.

“I told you, I’m drunk and I’d like to kiss you.” The bluntness of those words is disarming. “But I won’t do it,” she adds before I have the chance to reply.

“Why not?” There’s a pang of disappointment in my heart.

“Because I’m drunk and I might regret it later.”

I smile. She’s incredible.

We reach the tanning salon, and Abbs goes in. Taking the opportunity, I go for a smoke. She isn’t gone a long time, but she must be feeling even worse now as she leaves and walks over, stumbling. I decide not to ask this time, instead locking her arm with mine. That’s when some chick rounds the corner. She’s walking hand in hand with Elsa. Elsa’s pretty hot, but she’s also a pain in the ass who can’t give me a break. I hate that about her. I can’t help but notice that as soon as Abbs catches sight of the two, she clings to me a tiny bit closer.

“Hey, Abby! Everything alright?” says the girl I don’t know.

“Yeah. Nikki, this is Ve, the one I told you about.”

Nikki sends me a cold, withering glance, barks a short “Hi” and asks Abbs where we’re going.

“Ve’s walking me home.”

“What will your parents say when they see you like that?” Abbs is clearly getting worse if even that girl sees it.

“Well… they’re not home.,” Abbs says, giggling.

“Just great. Okay, I’ll take Elsa and be at your place soon.” Saying this, she gives me a hostile stare. Can’t say I know why. Crazy bitch.

“Who was that?” I ask when they leave us.

“My friend, Nikki.”

“Why was she glaring at me like that?”

“Hmm. Maybe she thinks you’re going to take me home and take advantage of me!” She laughs.

“What? Why would she think that?”

“She sees you as the type of guy right out of the stories of that girl she’s friends with.”

“Elsa,” I mutter.

“Yes, Elsa. You know her?”

“Not too well, but she sometimes hangs around.”

“Well, her stories didn’t exactly paint you in a good light. According to her, you’re not the nice guy type.”

“Interesting theory. And what type do you think I am?”

“I think you’re the type that hides a good, well-mannered boy with a big heart under a mask of unattainability and naughtiness.”

Her reply takes me by surprise. I’ve never thought of myself that way.

“Don’t worry,” she adds. “I’m not afraid of you. I trust you.”

Those words are music to my ears. Balm for my soul.

When we reach the door of her apartment, she leaves me outside for a moment, returning in a pair of noticeably small shorts. It’s getting cramped in my pants at the sight. She’s perfect. I don’t get to enjoy the view, as a moment later the elevator stops, and Nikki steps out. Abbs asks her to come in and wait.

“Well, I guess I’ll be going then.”

I take a step forward and prop my arms on the wall on both sides of Abbs’ head. I’m trembling inside. What’s happening to me? I lean in closer to kiss her, but she withdraws.

“Not even a smooch?” I ask, disappointed.

“No. Not yet. But thank you for today!” She swings around and disappears behind the door, leaving me alone in shock.

And to think this was supposed to only be a bet. Philip and I bet on who would be the first one to bring one of the girls to the Den and screw her there. The boys wanted to prove to me she was a nympho. Somehow, from the very beginning, I knew they had it wrong. Anyway, she has been my obsession from the get-go. A challenge. I thought I would conquer her and score that little slut, as they used to call her.

That night, it all became clear. They were wrong, and I knew now that the challenge wasn’t about bringing her to the Den.

I felt with my entire being that she wanted me back on the bus, that she wanted to kiss me. Oh, God, how I wanted the same thing! But she held back. You’d think after a couple of drinks a girl would lose her inhibitions. Not her. She refused me for the second time in the end. I would have kissed her if she’d given me the green light. That’s the specific moment I realized she had to be mine. She’s so incredible, funny, smart, and beautiful. That she refused me only turned me on. And when she showed me her wonderfully juicy, round ass, I got hard instantly. I couldn’t do anything.

On my way back, I conclude that I should drop by the Den again, see what the guys are up to. Well, it turns out they are up to their noses in speed, so we do some and go to Edge Vibe. They don’t ask me about the date. Only Max and Stanley knew about it. Shit, so many girls left and right, one better than the other, but I have no interest in any of them. The only one in my head is her. Weird. I’ve never felt this way before. An interesting thing to feel.