Page 37

Abby

I grab my things and go. I need to get this over with or else I’ll go crazy.

It’s ten a.m. I knock. He opens the door and invites me in, giving me a kiss. That’s a shock. We go to his room, and I sit on the bed. He opens the window and lights a cigarette. I say nothing, keeping my eyes on him. He takes a long drag. With the cigarette gone, he takes my hand, pulls me closer, and gives me a hug. Tears streak down my face. He lies down and draws me to him, placing my head on his shoulder. His lips brush against my skin very softly. Then, he kisses me deeply, passionately. It’s full of yearning.

When it stops, he says, “Try to imagine being in my place, Abby. Think what you would have done…” He pauses and adds, “You have to prove that I can trust you now.”

It’s a bit of a pity he doesn’t tell me how to do it.

“You need to come up with something. It’s going to get worse if you don’t.”

What the hell is he on about? How am I supposed to prove he can trust me?

“You want to keep seeing me?”

“Of course. If it’s going to get better, we need to keep seeing each other, no?” he says coldly.

“Alright. I need to go now, but maybe you’d like to come over later?”

“I’m supposed to come get you?” he asks incredulously.

“You didn’t seem to mind before.”

“Well, now I do!”

Just fucking great! I have no idea what to do now. I get up, put on my shoes, and leave without saying goodbye. I wipe away the tears. There’s nobody to talk to. Vicks left, and she’ll be at the club in the evening. If that wasn’t enough, Myro got my card from Spain and Ve didn’t. He only said: “It is what it is.” I get it, I fucked up, but I don’t like how he talks to me now. I don’t like where this is going. I can sense the manipulation. He’s making me feel uncertain, bad. It’s not a good sign for our relationship. Maybe I don’t know shit, but it’s all going against me. I can feel it inside.

In the morning, I drop by Ivy. I need to talk to someone.

“I told you it was a bad idea to smoke that, Abigail. That’s why I didn’t try.”

“I wasn’t thinking about it that way then at all,” I admit. “I was angry and disappointed with everything. Besides, you know I didn’t feel anything.”

Walking back home from Ivy’s, I can still hear his words in my head: “You have to prove I can trust you.” I don’t know why, but I have the feeling he wants me to give myself to him, so to speak. I want it too because I love him, but his tone and the feeling that his intentions aren’t good give me pause. Oh, no. What if that horrible fucking bet is still on? Maybe he’s only pretending so he can have his way with me? I feel nauseous. That’s it, I’m going to throw up. I stagger back home, rush inside, and barely have the time to reach the bathroom. I’m exhausted when it’s done. My head spins, and I’m weak. If it turns out to be the case, I’m going to die.

I sit on the balcony and suck in air in loud gulps. My body is rigid and incredibly tense. That always makes it hard to breathe. I rarely allow myself to descend into this state, but this time I can’t control it. I lean down, trying to breathe deeper. Ten minutes later, it’s beginning to get a little better. I’m not going to him. I don’t want to see him now. Even if I ask, he’s just going to deny everything. What am I supposed to do now? How do I act? Maybe just say yes and get it done. If he dumps me, at least things will be clear. On the other hand, maybe better to do it with someone who really loves me. But when we’re alone, he always seems so involved, so genuine. With him I feel like I can breathe for the first time. I’ve never experienced life with that kind of intensity. I really want to believe that if he lied to me, I would have known. But would I really? I’m going crazy with the storm of thoughts in my head.

I’m fixing myself an herbal tea to calm down when someone knocks at the door. I glance through the peephole. It’s Ve. Interesting. When I didn’t show up at his place, suddenly he found the strength to come to me.

“Hi, Abby.”

“Hi, Ve,” I say, standing at the door.

“Uh, can I come in?” he asks. I let him in. “Everything okay? You’re very pale.”

“I threw up, but I’m better now.”

“Threw up? Did you eat something bad?” he asks softly. How should I play my cards now?

“Listen, Connor, what did you think when you told me I needed to prove you could trust me?”

“I just said it so you had something to think about.”

“So it wasn’t a way to make me have sex with you?”

“What? No! Why did you think that?”

“Because that seems obvious. There’s that bet of yours. You want to win it, you’re getting bored with waiting, so you’re trying to make me do it so you can move on.”

“What a crock of shit!” he cries. “I thought nothing of the sort. I just wanted to piss you off.”

“Great. You say you love me, but you want to ‘piss me off’, knowing that would hurt me. When you love somebody, you don’t get off on making that person miserable, do you? That’s what I think, but maybe I’m wrong. Tell me.”

“I was angry that you smoked weed. Everyone talked about it at the Den, adding fucked-up stories. I told them that can’t be true, that my Abby would never act that stupid. So when you told me it was true, I got really pissed. I started believing the stories they told me. I wanted to get back at you.” He takes a step closer. “Did you throw up from stress?”

“Yes, that’s right. And then I tried catching my breath on the balcony for ten minutes, that’s how bad it got.”

“I’m sorry.”

Ve takes me into his arms, and I savor this moment. It’s so good.

“I love you. Never doubt that,” he says.

Ivy stops by in the afternoon, providing an opportunity for Ve to sneak out and go home. We go for a walk just to get some fresh air. Then I invite Vicks over. We’re in the middle of sorting my garbage—there are cigarette butts in the bin—when there’s a knock at the door. Is Ve back already? Impossible, I think. It’s my dad. My shock must have registered on my face, as he looks at me for a long while before entering. I did not expect him at all. What’s he doing here anyway? Checking up on me? He always loved showing up at the worst possible time, but now it’s taken me completely by surprise. Shit, what if I was with Ve, alone? Fucking hell. I’m one lucky girl, I guess.

It turns out Dad needs to grab some things from the apartment before running. He’s about to leave when the doorbell rings. It’s Ve. Dad barks a curt, “Hi. I hope we’ll get to know each other better.”

“Uh, hello. I think so…”

That’s as much as Ve’s able to say to him.

Close encounter of the third kind, eh? Weird. Vicks has been sitting in silence all this time, observing closely. She knows my father, so she keeps her mouth shut. When he goes out, Ve and Vicks go for a smoke. I pick up the ringing phone. It’s Grandma. She says there’s been a burglary attempt at her place, and she can’t come.

“That’s crazy! Everything alright? Do you need help? Want me to come, Granny?”

“There’s no need. Everything is fine. Unless you don’t want to be alone tonight.”

I’m not sure why but I have a feeling all this is no coincidence. I drive those thoughts away.

“Listen, Abby, I have to go to the store. Mom called. Be back in no time,” Vicky says as soon as I hang up.

I’m alone with Ve, leaning on one of the kitchen drawers, when his sexy voice cuts through the silence.

“You have such a gorgeous ass. I’ve been missing you. You taught my dick all about pleasure and left it for three weeks. Do you know how much it missed you?” My Ve’s back.

A smile appears on my face, unbidden. His words are a shock. He’s so unpredictable. Moody. Yesterday he behaved like a total asshole. These mood swings tick me off, to say the least. Aside from driving me mad, they also foster an internal struggle, ruining my tidy, scheduled world, throwing me off balance, jerking me out of my comfort zone, usually proof against all such attempts as long as I have control over everything in my life. With Connor I have jack shit instead of control. There’s no planning or predicting. One second everything is alright, another he smashes it all to pieces. Of course, there are moments when it’s wonderful. I’d love it to be like that forever. But as soon as he spends even a little time with those idiot buddies of his, he’s evil incarnate.

Now, Ve draws closer, wrapping his arms around me. He kisses me on the ear and sucks in my scent. His wet, warm lips wander along my eager skin, his arms clench around my hips, and his thumbs hook against the hem of my shorts. He slides a hand in my panties and I’m instantly afire. My breathing quickens in anticipation of what he’s about to do. His deft fingers rub at my clit and then slide inside me. He caresses me inside and out; I can feel his erection on my ass. It’s blissful. Without breaking the touch, he turns me around so I can face him and presses his lips to mine. His tongue slithers inside my mouth, finding my own tongue. The two tangle in a passionate kiss. Both of us are panting now. Our hearts are beating a staccato. Ve carries me to the bed, rips off my shorts and panties, kneels between my legs, and dives into my wet pussy, licking my clitoris and fucking me with his fingers. His thumb brushes against my other hole.

“You’re so wet and ready for me. I love your pretty pussy.” His tongue slides across the right spot, driving me mad.

My nails dig into his skin. I’m very close now. I can feel the electric current running through my body. I tremble as I come, moaning and screaming, and collapse to the mattress. Ve lands next to me and kisses me. The taste of his tongue mixes with my own. It’s a one-of-a-kind combination of my arousal and his scent. When my body calms down and my breathing slows, I have an idea. I voice it before I have chance to analyze it.

“If Grandma isn’t coming tonight, maybe we could do it?” I suggest.

“I think so,” he says, kissing me on the butt cheeks, biting the skin gently. “But I have to go now. I’ll be back later.”

He steals a quick kiss, pulls on his shoes, and he’s gone. What the hell was that? I’m offering him sex, and he just dispassionately leaves? Fuck this. Will I ever catch up with him? Did he even hear what I said?

I decide to go take a bath, just to be on the safe side. I’m about to go to the bathroom when the doorbell chimes yet again. Damn, I forgot about Vicky.

There she is, with Ivy at her side. We move to the balcony to have a smoke. I don’t tell her my plans for the night. The only thing I say is that Ve is going to be back soon. They’re smart. They finish their cigarettes and leave.

Right after they do so, I turn the tap on and prepare a bath with scented oil and foam. I quickly shave my legs and bikini, making sure to check the armpits too. I’m a bit nervous. I dry myself with a towel and go get some music. “From This Moment On” by Shania Twain seems perfect for my… for our first time.

I put on a nice lace set of lingerie and a pair of shorts and a tank top. There’s a knock at the door again. It’s Ve. We go for a smoke. He grabs me by the ass and pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist. His hands slide up, stopping on my breasts. Jesus, he turns me on so much! I can feel the current running through my brain and down there. I spin around, facing him.

“Do you have condoms?”

“I thought you wouldn’t want to, after all…” he splutters, shocked.

“If you want to, I want it too.”

“You keep surprising me, girl! Of course I want it! I’ve wanted nothing more since I met you.”

“Well?”

“Well, then, I’m off to buy a pack of condoms. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be back before ten.”

He rushes out, and I can’t help but wonder where he was when he left me the last time. I have so many questions for him, but he’s always directing the conversation in a way that makes it impossible to ask them. He’s wrapped me around his finger. I can’t think clearly with him around.