Page 31

Abby

I’m going to Spain for summer camp in a few days. I didn’t have the time to think about it before, but now I’m starting to feel discomfort at the very thought of leaving. I’d rather stay. I was always happy to go to summer camp, but this year something has changed. There’s something a lot more important in my life than discovering beautiful places. There’s love! Like in a fairytale—passionate, carefree, brave, and sincere. A love I’ve never felt before.

We’re sitting in the park. He’s sitting, more like. I’m lying on my back on a bench by the amphitheater, my head in his lap. Ve strokes my hair and shoulders, and I’m playing with a leaf of grass with my face directed at the sun. I love it when it gently shines on my face and body. It’s like I’m recharging my batteries.

“A couple days more and I’m gone,” I say.

“I know, babe. I’ve never been to Spain,” he muses.

“Where’s the farthest you have been?” I ask, realizing he’s never talked about his trips before.

“I can’t remember. You?”

“Spain, I think. Costa Brava. I also went to Barcelona, San Marino in Italy, Rimini and Cattolica. I went to Vienna with my parents, and Tihany in Hungary. I love traveling. Love catching fleeting moments on my camera. I always bring back hundreds of photos from my trips. The first thing I do when I’m back is to drop by a photo studio to develop them. That feeling of anticipation about what I managed to photograph is unbeatable,” I say. “But this time I’m sad to leave. For the first time I’d rather stay.”

“Oh, come on, it’ll be over before you know it.” He chuckles lightly, but I can sense the unease in his voice. “Besides, you have a talent for photos. I can see you love snapping pictures.”

I wonder for a minute. I’ve never thought about it that way, but yes, I do love it. I snapped a couple photos of Ve too. There are a couple of great ones. I have a few favorites.

“Will you miss me?”

“So bad.”

“But you’ll behave?”

“I’d never do anything to hurt you, sweetheart. Don’t worry. I’m with you,” he assures me.

His words sound sincere, so why do I feel so afraid deep down inside? It spells nothing good. But I don’t want to ruin the moment and allow my intrusive thoughts to take over.

“What will you be doing?”

“What I always do. I’ll spend some time in the Den, stay at home.”

“Will you give me one of your T-shirts?”

“Uh, sure. Why, though?” he asks, clearly surprised.

“So I can feel you by my side. It will remind me of you. I want to smell you.”

A shy smile appears on his face.

“Which one do you want?”

“The blue polo. My favorite. I love the way you look when you’re wearing it.” It’s an easy decision.

“Really?” He’s smiling now in that boyish way. “Will you drink alcohol there?” he asks all of a sudden. “People tend to drink heavily on summer camp.”

“If it’ll make you sleep easier, I won’t drink a drop of alcohol. I promise.”

“You’d do this for me? It’s vacation time. You need to blow off some steam.”

“I can do that with you right here. I don’t need alcohol to be happy.”

“I don’t know if I believe you.”

“Seriously?! When I promise something, I always keep my word!” I cry, indignant.

“But I don’t want to make you do anything.”

“You’re not making me do anything. I promise I won’t drink. Not even a sip of beer. Just trust me!”

Why did he broach that subject? Maybe he’s afraid I’d do something stupid when I’m drunk. But he knows well I can keep myself in check and make rational decisions even when I have been drinking. And I don’t need alcohol to do stupid shit either. I’m worried he’s always suspecting me of something. I love him with all my heart and I want to have my first time with him. I can’t imagine anyone else even touching me!

I don’t like the direction this conversation is taking. It’s a manipulation, and I’m the victim here. Usually, I nip those things in the bud, but with him, I can’t think rationally. I get it this makes him nervous for some reason, though, so I forgive him. Alcohol or the lack of it is not a problem for me. I can deny myself a lot of things for him. But what about Ve? How do I know he won’t do something stupid, lose himself in the company of his friends? Sometimes I have those hunches… I’m not entirely sure about what. There’s just a red light above my head all of a sudden, and an internal voice tells me to watch out for something, warning me quietly. Most cases I stifle it, and then it turns out I should have listened… Or at least analyzed that feeling a bit more before acting.

Since Ve told me his darkest secret, he’s been clean. Theoretically. He didn’t even have a smoke. But how can I be sure his “wonderful” friends won’t take the opportunity and pull him right back to the dark side? He’s susceptible to stuff like that.

“What about you, Ve?” I voice my doubts. “How can I be sure you won’t do something stupid?”

“You can be sure of that, Abigail. I promised myself I’ll get myself in order for you. Not to mention I promised that to you too.”

“Don’t get yourself in order for me, Ve. Do it for yourself. I trust you. Please, don’t disappoint me,” I say with a hint of desperation in my voice.

“I won’t. Don’t worry.”