Page 46

Abby

I’ve been sitting with Ve at my place since the morning. We’re joking and laughing, fooling around, which may look as if we’re doing something else. Despite that, my parents don’t interrupt. Yes, Dad is lurking at the other side of the door, as if checking whether we’re doing something suspicious, but he doesn’t enter.

“Look what I have,” Ve says and reaches into his pocket, producing a pack of condoms and placing it in my hand. I read the description.

“Ribbed condoms for increased pleasure. Interesting. We need to test them.”

“That’s why I bought them.” He smiles boyishly and presses his lips to mine. At that very second the door swings open, and there are my parents. I close my fingers around the packet.

“Dinner is ready. Come eat.”

“Thanks. If I’m not home for dinner in fifteen minutes, Mom will rap me over the knuckles,” Ve says nonchalantly and gets up. I’m immediately sad that we need to part, even if for just a couple of hours. I love those moments I have him only for myself.

Connor leaves, and I push the condoms into my bag, propped against the bed.

Dinner is my favorite: fried cauliflower, potatoes, and eggs sunny side up. Delicious! I eat and then help Mom to clean the kitchen. I’m making tea when Dad says they’re going to see my aunt.

“Want to come with us?” he asks with hope in his voice. They’re used to me coming with them wherever they go. And Dad would probably prefer to keep an eye on me. When I’m home alone, there are so many options!

“No, I’ll stay. I’m meeting Vicks.” That’s not entirely a lie, as at that very instant she knocks at the door. Dad opens it and lets her in.

“Hello, Victoria. How’s it going?” he asks, feigning interest.

“Everything is fine, thanks.”

“Alright, Abigail. We’re going. We’ll be back in the evening. If you go out, remember to be back by ten.” Yes, I managed to get myself an additional hour whenever I go out.

“Good, you’re on time.” I say when we’re left alone. “It worked out perfect. So Connor should be here in about thirty minutes.”

“You ask, I come. What’s the plan?” Vicky asks.

“Don’t know. Haven’t thought about it yet, but if he’s here, we always have something to do.” I smile, showing my teeth. Vicks pokes me in the arm, mirroring my expression.

We look out the window and watch my parents leave. They take the car and drive off.

“Okay, I’m off,” Victoria says and heads to the exit.

Literally a couple minutes later there’s a knock on the door. I wonder for a minute if she forgot something and glance around the apartment, but there’s nothing of hers anywhere. I open the door. It’s my Ve. He’s smiling. I pull him by the shirt and slam the door shut with a heel.

“We can test your condoms now,” I say into his ear as he’s sliding his tongue down my neck. He pulls away for an instant and looks at me.

“Where are your parents?”

“They went to my aunt’s.”

I take him by the hand and lead him to the bedroom, push him on the bed, and fish out the condoms, unzipping his pants.

“Mmm, you seem ready for me.”

“Gail! I’m always ready for you. Your sexy voice is enough to turn me on. You don’t have an idea how much that voice can do. You have power over me.”

“You have the same power over me, Ve.” I put his hand in my briefs.

“You’re so wet…” he purrs.

I rip the packet with my teeth and put the condom over his cock. This is not the time to linger—I lift myself up and lower myself over his prick. My cheeks momentarily flush. He notices.

“You’re still blushing like that. That’s sweet. I love you.”

“I love you too, Ve.”

I sway my hips up and down. Ve holds me by the waist, leaning me back. It’s incredibly blissful. I set the pace, taking him the way I like and need. Ve takes my shirt off, then my bra. My breasts bounce rhythmically. The only sound is the clap of skin on skin.

“I’m going to come, babe. You have perfect tits.”

He grabs a nipple with his lips and sucks. His thumb is circling my clit. The sensation is out of this world. I’m very close myself.

“Ve!” I cry as my body is wracked with spasms, one after another, releasing the pent-up energy.

Ve joins me a moment later. I can feel him growing rigid and his cock throbbing in me. I fall into his arms. A moment later, when our breathing slows down, I get off him. He takes off the condom, ties it into a knot, and pushes it into his pocket.

“I’ll throw it out when we leave.”

I dress myself slowly.

“So? Did you feel any difference?”

“No, not really. You?”

“No, but at least we checked.”

“Want to go for a walk?” he asks after a moment.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

We stroll, holding hands, and meet Ivy and Vicks.

“Hey, what’s up? Want to go grab a beer?” Ivy asks with a smile. It’s good to see her in good spirits. She and Lucas must have made up.

I shoot Ve a questioning glance. I’m not going to decide for him.

“Sure, we can go,” he says.

Before we reach the beer gardens, we’ve managed to get into a spat about something. Ve didn’t want to answer my question and started acting annoying.

“Piss off!” I let out. In response, he only raises an eyebrow, staring at me. Not a word out of his mouth. But then he starts saying “piss off” to anything I say.

We go back and stop by my block. Ve’s behavior is starting to get on my nerves so much, at one point I fail to keep my emotions in check and snap, “Go fuck yourself!”

It must be the helplessness. I regret saying that as soon as the words come out of my mouth. Connor’s expression is clear.

“Ve, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”

I hold him by the hand, but he pulls away. There are tears rolling down my cheeks. At that very moment, my parents’ car drives up and parks. They witness everything. I’m crying and sobbing by now. Ve comes closer and looks me in the eyes. He wipes the tears away.

“Don’t cry, I can’t take it,” he says.

“Abigail, come here.” It’s Dad.

“Can you go to them with me?” I wipe the rest of the moisture away from my face. Ve says nothing, only nods.

“Take this and give it to Grandma,” Dad says and gives me a package, not even looking in my direction. He doesn’t seem to know how to deal with this.

I turn to face Ve.

“Will you come with me? Please.”

He agrees but keeps silent the whole way, torturing me with his indifference. I pass on the package to my grandmother and run down the stairs. Ve is waiting where I left him, smoking a cigarette. He spins around and heads back to my block without a word. When we’re close, we see the girls leaving the building. Taking this opportunity, Ve says impassively, “I’m off.”

“What!? Don’t go, please.” I look at him pleadingly.

“Go to your girlfriends, unless you want to stay alone,” he replies coldly.

One of his friends passes us by and calls him.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“And I don’t want to stay here with you.”

Ouch. It feels like a kick in the stomach.

“Are you breaking up with me?” I ask, feeling bile rising in my throat.

“No.” He snorts derisively.

He sets off, and I call after him, “Ve!”

He swings around and barks out a sharp “I’m fucking off”. He reaches his buddy’s car, gets in, and drives off without a goodbye. I’m feeling faint. Vicks is instantly at my side.

“What happened?” she asks with concern.

“I don’t know. You saw it yourselves. He was looking for an excuse.”

“You think he was planning to meet his friends before? It’s not a coincidence they were here right now, is it?”

“I don’t know anything anymore. I’m too tired.”

“But what happened?” they keep asking.

“I was so helpless with his mood swing that I told him to go fuck himself.”

“Ouch!” Ivy cringes. That wouldn’t have happened to her. She barely ever curses, and besides, she’s too even-tempered to allow herself such lapses. Or maybe I just never had the occasion to see her in a situation like that.

“It’s bad, I know, but it happened. I couldn’t do anything. I apologized and thought it was going to be okay. He even went to Grandma’s with me.”

“So what happened?”

“I don’t know, Ivy. He saw you and said he was leaving. Got up and told me he was fucking off. You saw the rest. I’ve got to go home now. I think I’m going to puke.”

The girls give me a farewell hug.

When I go inside, the first thing I see is my mom’s concerned expression. I want to be free of this burden. I tell her what happened. She hugs me closely. Dad joins in, cheering me up a bit. I’m surprised with that reaction, to be honest.

I go to bed early and analyze the situation for a while. Maybe he really had other plans. It’s more than certain to me. On the other hand, he was just waiting for the right moment to make sure he was not leaving me alone. Would a person who doesn’t care act like that? I don’t think so! Exhausted, I quickly fall asleep.

I sleep through Sunday, not even changing out of my pajamas. Mom pops in once every few minutes to check up on me, but I’m not feeling too good. I’m feverish from all those emotions.

I still feel horrible on Monday. The teacher asks if everything is alright, so I tell her I’d rather go home. She excuses me. My legs take me straight to Ve’s door.

He opens with a surprised expression and steps out to the corridor without inviting me inside. That’s a bit unnerving.

“What’s going on, babe? Why aren’t you at school?”

I tell him how I’m feeling, apologize for the hundredth time. He embraces me, and I snuggle up to him. He’s like a hot poultice. All the bad mood evaporates with each second I spend in his arms. I raise my head.

“Why can’t we go in?”

“We can, but everyone’s there. There’s nowhere to sit. Maybe we better take a walk,” he says and again I feel weird.

It’s school time, so that doesn’t really make much sense. What’s that supposed to mean anyway? Everyone’s home. Why was he the one to open the door in that case? Oh, no! What if he was having sex with someone and didn’t expect me? I’m not going to survive this. I’m going mad. But I can’t make him angry, so I don’t ask. Was he engaged with his friends and provoked the spat on purpose? Is he hiding something and didn’t let me in to keep it that way? All these questions are crammed in my head. A while longer and there won’t be any space for more. The layers of secrets are terrifying. There might come a moment when I won’t be able to trust him anymore.

My own behavior is worrying too. I need attention and the sense that I’m impressing someone, that someone needs me so much that I’m beginning to do weird things, only to confirm my own feeling of being needed and sufficient. It’s like what happened at the swings. I wanted to keep him by my side so badly, that I didn’t really care about the consequences. Someone might have seen us! I don’t exactly regret doing that. I want him always and I’m turned on by such things, most of all by how he adores me after I do something like that. How I impress him. It’s overwhelming, really, the sense that I’m demeaning myself. Instead of having some dignity and just ignoring him, I abase myself before him only to keep him in place for a while longer, to make his interest in me last a moment more—it’s as if I’m living and breathing only thanks to him. It can’t be healthy. Unfortunately, there isn’t anyone to confirm that for me.