Page 10

Abby

I can’t keep track of Ivy and Lucas’s relationship. How can two people break up every couple of days? Their characters are just too different. Lucas is a calm, laid-back, and quiet guy. Ivy is a confident, open woman who knows what she wants from life. They’re not going to have it easy, but maybe they’ll overcome their differences if they work on themselves and their relationship. Though, come to think about it, it may prove too much. I think they’re like two magnets with the same poles—they always end up pushing each other away.

Ivy is one of my girlfriends. At first, we didn’t like each other. Or rather, she made it her mission to make my life miserable. One day I snapped, walked over to her at school, and asked what her problem was. She was so shocked with my directness, we ended up being pretty much inseparable from that point on. Ivy is a tall, thin blonde with enormous blue eyes. I’ve always envied her. I used to have blue eyes too, but only when I was very small. They changed color to greenish gray. Ivy is always immaculate, with perfect hair and makeup, and well-thought-out outfits. She’s the most good-looking of the four of us. Always. But she likes to take care of herself. Victoria only uses moisturizer and mascara, just like me. Nikki too. When it comes to outfits, Victoria, Nikki, and I wear similar things, though I’m the one spending the most time coming up with combinations of clothes and hairdos. I always laugh at Nikki for coming to school with loosely tied hair, as if she only did it on her way, without a mirror. That’s what she does, too, most of the time, but she doesn’t seem to mind. I don’t either. I rarely judge other people’s appearance. What counts for me is the heart and how you treat other creatures living on this Earth, including animals and plants. Especially dogs. Dogs are angels who decided to descend to Earth and put up with people, giving them their unconditional love, often without getting anything in return aside from abuse.

Today is a day of surprising new information. I learn that Matt goes to driving classes with Mandy. I’m so jealous! If only I could spend some more time with him, looking at that beautiful face of his… Well, it is not to be. I can only start driving lessons next month, so I won’t catch him in theory classes. Besides, my parents said it’s either a trip to Spain or a driving license this year. I’m going with the trip. I can always get the license later, while the summer camp is going to be the last one.

In the afternoon, we go grab a beer with Ivy. Unexpectedly, we meet Roger, Pablo, and Dorian at the pub. Roger and I used to be together for a while, but then I “fell in love” with his buddy, and it grew pretty intense. I needed to choose between them, so I dumped Roger to take my chances with Ralph. I’ve always lived by the words: “Better to regret doing something than regret doing nothing.” Sometimes I wonder how I can be this cold and ruthless. Roger is a rather tall boy with jet-black hair, brown eyes, and a pretty nice body. He has dark skin and looks like a Latino. I met him when he was the only person who defended me during a summer camp in Italy. That was impressive. He helped me when a jealous, wicked neighbor was making fun of me and tortured me by trying to stick a crab under my shirt. Roger barged into my room and told everyone to fuck off. I know it sounds funny when I say it like that, but I was so scared I was going out of my mind. That chick hated me so much and was super jealous of me. That’s what I think, anyway, as I still don’t know what her problem was. I never paid her any mind, and the way she behaved on that trip was like some act of desperation, an attempt to pull the attention of boys who preferred to spend their entire time with us, the younger girls. Anyway, we spent a lot of time with Roger during the next two weeks of the camp. When we returned home, I couldn’t wait to go to school to see him again. I missed him so much. We started going out together. He gave me a beautiful card on Valentine’s Day. It said:

You’re my sunshine, my inspiration, my greatest dream come true, my paradise, you’re all I have, please stay my love.

So beautiful. Heartwarming. Yes, there was a time when Roger used to be my “great teenage crush”. I think I got around fourteen other Valentine’s Day cards that year. I found them under my door. That was new, but I liked it. It was the first time I experienced so much attention. It helped me believe that I’m really pretty. It didn’t change the fact that in the end, I fell in love with Roger’s friend. All the girls had a crush on him. I challenged myself to make him mine. Ivy helped me out a bit. They were friends. We became friends too and started spending a lot of time together. My crush lasted for a couple of months. A bit of harmless play. Some kissing, a bit of hugging. Nothing serious. Emotionally, I was out of my mind, of course, but when it comes to the relationship itself, it wasn’t anything big. I’m romantic to a fault, so each special occasion, any moment of closeness, a hug, a lingering stare—all of that makes me euphoric, eclipsing any reason. I always get carried away and then pay the price, because I never notice the instant life stops being a fairytale. I’m still in my happy bubble, and the other person is already somewhere else. Come to think about it, I’ve always worked this way—if a movie doesn’t leave me blissfully elated for a full week after the screening, that means it’s a bad movie. I relive fascinating love stories for weeks, allowing myself to sink into the world of the main characters, completely forgetting about my own.

So we sit for a while with the boys and then go back home. Their company stopped being interesting a long time ago. Only sometime after someone permanently leaves my personal, closest space, I regain my reason and start seeing everything from a healthy perspective. When the object of my interest is close by, I feel as if our energies combine and mix. It’s always hard to pinpoint which part is mine. Sometimes I need to take a step back, enjoy some solitude to think. And the best place to do that is on my balcony. I can contemplate the sunset there or spend hours looking at the hill behind the block. It lets me recharge my batteries and makes me capable of reading the intentions of other people, so I can be sure their message is clear instead of obscured behind a smoky veneer.

The next couple of days pass without emotion. During classes Nikki and I write long messages to one another about the boys we like. Then we take the bus towards her house. I like these moments spent with my friend. Despite our difficult beginnings, we’re fully in sync now. Nikki is a bit taller than me and very shapely. She has large breasts and a toned, thin body. Her thick hair is the color of dark chocolate, though she likes experimenting with it. She has deep brown eyes and perfect skin. She rarely wears full makeup, just like me. We’re both pretty crazy. We each have our own story and inner demons, secret battles we have to fight. We both had to grow up quickly.