Page 77 of Ceremony of Lust

“Yes, I do. I want my husband back home. I want him back in my bed, back in my house.” There’s a brief pause, and then she says quietly, “I know it’s not work. Whatever you’re doing, it has to do with the Elders and with Anders Huxley.”

“Yael—”

“You don’t have to give me any details about what you’re doing, but I want you to come home, Zev. Do whatever you need to do to bring them down. Do it right now and then come back.”

“But what if the price is too high to pay?”

“I trust you to do the right thing, Zev. If you think it’s too much, I won’t beg you any more than I already have.”

“Thank you.” I pad softly around the bedroom. With one hand cradling the phone against my ear, I pour myself a glass of my favorite whiskey and take a sip. It stings as it goes down, a burn I more than deserve. “I don’t deserve your goodness.”

“Yes, you do,” she whispers. “You deserve so much more.”

My hand begins to shake, forcing me to set my drink down on the shabby wooden table in the corner. I flex my fingers as they tingle with the memory of her skin underneath them.

“I went to see Hadassah,” I tell her honestly.

“What? Why?”

“I had to know why she picked me. I don’t have proof, but I know Anders bribed her. He wanted you for himself. I mean, how could he not? You’re the most stunning creature I’ve ever seen.”

“Why do you doubt her decision, Zev?”

“Because”—I start and then stop—“because how could someone like you ever love someone like me? After all I’ve done?”

On the other end, she gasps. “I thought love was something you couldn’t promise?”

“Don’t you know your husband is a liar, amongst other things?”

“No!” she shouts. “Don’t say that now, when you’re so far away. Tell me when we’re together again.”

“And will you say it back?”

“Come back and find out.”

The call is disconnected, and I feel more settled than before I talked to Yael. I know what I have to do, and my love for Yael is what sustains me in knowing what I’m about to do is the right thing. If she hadn’t been honest, if we hadn’t been honest with each other, my path would be very different right now.

I gather my things and shuffle my papers and files together before stuffing them back into my bag.

I once made a decision out of desperation. I had no idea what I was doing, nor with whom I was dealing. This is different. For one, I’m much older and wiser. I’m aware of my mistakes, and I won’t make them again.

As I drive away from the safe house and toward Ripley, I know exactly who I’m dealing with and what kind of man I am. I know the consequences of my actions, and I’m willing to pay the price. There’s only one thing I’m unsure of, but it’s something I’ll deal with later. For now, I’m a man with a singular purpose.

To dismantle the Elders and ruin Anders Huxley.

43

Yael

After my phonecall with Zev, I was positive I’d wake up to him next to me, but it’s another week before he returns. My joy at seeing him after three weeks apart is overshadowed by the grim expression on his face. When I attempt to throw my arms around him, he turns his head and gently pushes me away.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, confused.

“How are you feeling?” he asks coldly, his eyes glancing down at the loose T-shirt covering my belly.

“I’m fine,” I tell him. “Better, actually. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m tired, and I want to shower,” he says brusquely as he passes by me and stomps up the stairs.