Page 18 of Ceremony of Lust

“Yes,” I say at last. “Of course.”

When we enter the house, my grandmother greets us as if she hadn’t been watching the entire time. She gushes over Zev, praising him with compliments.

“I apologize for being absent, Mrs. Blum,” he says with a charming smile on his lips. “You must think I’ll make a terrible husband.”

“Nonsense! Yael could do no better, truly,” she tells him. “You must be working hard to be able to provide Yael with a good life.”

“Absolutely.” His smile and voice are tight.

“Will you be staying for dinner?”

He turns toward me. “Only if Yael permits.”

“Of course, she permits!” My grandmother answers for me. “It’s almost ready. Why don’t you have a seat while I finish up?”

An uncomfortable silence settles between us as Zev takes a seat on the couch. The catalogs he sent over are spread out on the coffee table with little colored flags sticking from between the pages.

“I see you’ve been busy,” he says, leaning forward to pick up one of the books.

“Not me, my grandmother.”

Zev’s eyes lift with surprise. “You haven’t looked at any of this stuff?”

“Not really. It doesn’t matter to me.”

He leans against the back of the couch and pats the space beside him. “Sit next to me.” His voice is practically a purr and makes me shiver unexpectedly. When I don’t budge, he levels me with a hard stare. “Yael. Come.”

This time I obey. He turns his entire body toward me as I lower myself onto the couch.

“Don’t move,” he whispers as his hand slides slowly up my thigh. My entire body trembles under the weight of his hand. When he leans forward and brushes his nose against the shell of my ear, my eyes close, and a rush of heat floods through me. “I want to be a good husband, Yael. To provide you with everything you could ever want, but you won’t let me. Why?”

“Because money can’t buy the things I want.”

His breath is hot against my neck as I anticipate his next move. I wait for his hand to move between my legs or for his mouth to capture my earlobe, but none of that happens. His lips lightly brush my cheek, and then he moves away.

“Tell me what you want, Yael,” he says firmly, his whiskey-colored eyes begging me to trust him. My heart thunders out a nervous rhythm as I debate whether or not I can truly confide in him.

With a deep breath, the words erupt from my lips, “To be an equal. And to be loved.”

10

Zev

“Thank you for dinner,Mrs. Blum. It was delicious.”

Mrs. Blum blushes and nudges Yael. Is it possible I have an ally in the Blum family?

“It was only a simple pot roast,” she says with a flutter of her hand.

“Nevertheless, it was delicious.” My eyes slide across to Yael, who is still pushing a potato around her bowl. Her lips are turned down in a frown, and she’s yet to make eye contact with me. Her desire for love and equality replay in my thoughts. That’s not how marriage works in our society. Women are not equal to men, and there is no love in marriage. Her desires are dreams that will never come true.

“Mrs. Blum, may I have your permission to take Yael out shopping tomorrow?”

My question surprises both Yael and her grandmother. Finally, my bride-to-be looks up from her dinner. She looks eagerly at her grandmother for an answer.

“I’m sorry, Zev, but that would be improper. You’ve already had too many little moments alone. We must follow the rules. Otherwise, Yael’s reputation is at risk.”

“Of course,” I reply with a nod of my head. “Then perhaps, I’ll bring the shopping to Yael.”