Page 46 of Ceremony of Lust
“Hmm. What’s wrong? Not enough sex? Too much sex? Is he impotent?”
My eyes feel as if they’ll pop out of my head. “I don’t know,” I reply.
“Well, good,” she says with a nod of her head and a satisfied smirk. “I always thought eighteen was too young to get married and start having babies. Enjoy yourself, Yael.”
“That’s easy enough for you to say. Your life straddles Ripley and the real world. Zev won’t even take me into the city.”
My Aunt Alyssia is a legend in Ripley. She was married to a Chief Elder long before I was born and when he died unexpectedly, she refused to give up the privileges associated with her status in the community. And no one tried to take them from her. Aunt Alyssia is a formidable woman and an even more intimidating enemy.
“So, go into the city yourself, Yael. You don’t need his permission. What do you do all day in that grand penthouse?”
“Nothing, because I wasn’t taught to do anything.”
“Then go and explore for yourself.”
The problem with exploring for myself is my own fear. Zev is my husband and my protector. If he doesn’t want me to go somewhere, I should respect his wishes. The idea of disappointing him or even angering him makes me go cold. I’ve never seen him angry, and I don’t think I want to.
At the end of the night, just as I’m about to leave, my aunt hands me a card. “I know what I said about not worrying, but if you are, this doctor is extremely helpful. Don’t talk to Dr. Hartman or that lunatic Hadassah. If you want real answers, this is where you should go.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, clutching the card to my chest before slipping it into the pocket of my skirt.
When I get home, I bury the card in the depths of one of my drawers. I’m not sure how Zev would feel about it and I don’t want to risk making him angry.
For the next few days, I contemplate everything Zev and my aunt said about getting pregnant with Ripley’s expectations, hoping to finally find some clarity. It doesn’t help, though, particularly because Zev’s trip coincides with my cycle. While he’s gone, I should have my period, but I don’t, and I didn’t have one last month either. There are a lot of things I don’t really understand about my body, but my menstrual cycle isn’t one of them. It runs like clockwork.
Could I actually be pregnant?There is so much excitement surging through me. I want to run out and grab all of the pregnancy tests, but I don’t. I don’t want to do any of this without my husband.
In the midst of my enthusiasm, the doorbell rings. That’s the beauty of living in the penthouse, no one can use the exclusive elevator. Visitors need to be granted access, and when I check the monitor, any joy instantly dissolves. This visitor is quite unexpected, but how can I ignore the Chief Elder?
I send the elevator down to the building’s lobby and wait for its return. He’s not getting past the foyer, I tell myself. Zev isn’t home so he should have no business with me.
When the Chief Elder arrives, he greets me with a smile, but it doesn’t feel genuine. Everything about him oozes deception.
“Good afternoon, Yael,” he practically coos.
“Hello, Chief Elder Huxley. I wasn’t expecting you today,” I say, doing my best to appear welcoming. “Zev is away for work.”
“I’m not here to see him. I’m here to see you.” He brushes past me, and as he does, he gives me a look that makes me sick. He knows what my body looks like completely nude, and the gleam in his eye is clouded with lust.
He walks through the penthouse as if it’s his domain, making his way to the living room, where he settles himself on the couch. He stretches both arms out along the back of the couch and crosses one leg over the other. There’s a hint of a smile on his lips as his gaze travels the length of my body.
“Are you pregnant yet?” His question is blunt and sends me reeling.
I grip the wall behind me, digging my nails into it. “Excuse me?”
“Are you pregnant yet?” he asks again, this time more slowly.
“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” I mutter.
His smile widens, revealing his teeth. “Everything about this community is my business. It’s my job to make sure our expectations are met, and our culture is respected. You and Zev have been married four months, yet you’re not pregnant.”
My hand automatically drifts toward my belly. Is there a baby in there? Should I tell him? Would that make him leave sooner?No, a little voice deep inside me says firmly.Don’t tell him. “We’re trying,” I explain. “But Zev is frequently away on business.”
He picks at a piece of invisible lint on his pants. “Maybe you should visit Hadassah. She has helped many women who have trouble conceiving.”
“No,” I say quickly, remembering what my aunt said at dinner. “I don’t think that’s necessary. Besides, wouldn’t Dr. Hartman be able to help me?”
“It would be outside of her expertise.” He stands and walks toward me until he’s uncomfortably close. “You should really consider a visit to Hadassah, Yael. The alternative would be unthinkable.”