Page 25 of Ceremony of Lust

I rush forward and press my lips against him, shutting down the conversation, embarrassed and ashamed over my complete innocence. My hands grip his shirt tightly as I pop up onto my tiptoes and attempt to deepen the kiss. But Zev takes command so easily, overpowering me, and I relax into his embrace, into him. It feels good to have his arms around me, to have him gently coax my lips apart and swipe his tongue inside. Everything inside me burns for him, burns for a real connection. Our bodies feel like two magnets, drawing closer and closer until we connect with a sharp click.

Gently, he separates us and steps back. Both of us are breathless, but I must have done something to displease him. Immediately, my head drops, but his fingers are under my chin, lifting it. “What is this really about? Tell me.”

“I don’t want you to shun me,” I cry. “If I don’t get pregnant, then you can shun me and move on to someone else.”

He’s still too close, and when I reach out again, he takes hold of my arms and pulls me tightly against him. “We’re in this together, Yael. I will never reject you.”

“How do I know that?” I murmur against his chest. “What guarantee do I have?”

He releases me but keeps hold of my hands. His head dips as he brings each hand to his lips, brushing my palms with his kiss. And then he drops to one knee and looks up at me, his dark eyes shining in the light filtering in through the branches.

“I belong to you as much as you belong to me, Yael. There is no other woman and will be no other woman but you until the day I die. I cannot promise love and equality, but I can promise my complete faithfulness to you and our marriage.”

When he stands, I realize how foolish I’ve been. My fears about pleasing Zev on our wedding night hide the one thing I’m truly afraid of—rejection. Zev’s promise restores my faith and gives me the confidence I need to marry him tomorrow.

14

Zev

I never thoughttoday would come. Never thought Hadassah and all of her mystic powers would pick me. Today, I’m getting married, and I have zero regrets. I’ve enjoyed a comfortable amount of freedom, but not without paying a steep price. Is Yael my ticket to a new life? I can only hope.

“Do you have to wear all black, son?” My mother walks into the room and wrinkles her nose. “It makes you look so . . . dangerous.”

I chuckle. “I’m not dangerous, Mother. I promise.”

She reaches up to adjust my silk tie. “It also makes you look handsome.”

I wrap her hand in mine and hold it against my chest. “Thank you,” I tell her softly.

“For what?”

“For never giving up on me.”

“You’re my firstborn. How could I ever give up on you?”

I can only answer her with a shrug. “Some might consider ten years of unsuccessful match ceremonies to be a bad omen.”

“You were waiting for the right girl,” she says with a lift of her chin.

“And you think Yael is the right girl?”

My mother looks surprised. “You don’t?”

I turn back toward the mirror and give myself one last glance. “I do. And you’re right, Mother; this is too much black.” I remove the finely tailored jacket and the expensive shirt underneath it. Black has always been my color, my armor, but today is different. Today, I’m getting married, and it should be a day filled with light and celebration. When I reach my closet, I pull out the only white shirt I own. When I inspect myself for the final time, I catch my mother’s eye, and she smiles her approval as a tear slips down her cheek.

“Yael is lucky to be getting such a handsome husband,” she says as she wipes at the steady stream of tears. “That reminds me.”

She turns and picks up a large black box from the top of my dresser. “She sent this.”

I hold the gift in my hands for a few minutes, studying it. Traditionally, a bride doesn’t gift her husband anything. Her purity is supposed to be the gift.

My mother slips her hand over mine. “I’ll give you a few minutes.”

When she’s gone, I slowly lift the lid and take out the small white piece of paper folded on top of another box.

“To My Wolf—

This once belonged to my grandfather. He was a formidable fighter, like you. Wear it with my affection. Yael”