Page 13 of Ceremony of Lust

He disappears upstairs, and I make my way to the library. It’s my favorite room in this entire house. All I can think about are his rambling words. Did he really think I was destined for greatness?

Ten years ago, I was a scrawny twerp with far too much freedom at his fingertips. The community considered me a man, eligible to marry one of their precious daughters, but I was a wreck. Anders and the other Elders offered me a way out, and like a greedy fool, I took it. When I finally confessed the truth to my father, he refused to help me. “You’ve dug your own grave,” he told me. “Find a way out.”

I’ve done everything they’ve asked of me. I’ve hidden their dirty secrets, buried their bodies, and made them rich. In return, I’ve profited handsomely. However, the time has come to renegotiate. I cannot drag my new wife into the darkness with me. Instead, I pray she can pull me into her light.

7

Yael

I burstthrough the front door of the house and race to the bathroom, where I heave into the toilet. Zev Landau was chosen to be my husband, and in seven days, I’m going to marry him.

“Yael? Is everything okay?” The concerned voice of my grandmother fills the small space.

“No, it’s not okay, Grandmother,” I cry, resting my face on the toilet seat. “I’ve been matched with a monster.”

“Those are just rumors, Yael,” she says dismissively, but there’s a hint of wariness in her eyes.

Immediately, I start to think about what is said about my family and me. “Every rumor has some element of truth to it.”

She steps inside the bathroom and rinses a washcloth with cold water. She leans over me, pressing the cool cloth to my cheek. “And there are two sides to every story. Do you know Zev’s side to everything said about him?”

“No,” I murmur.

“Then give him a chance to prove himself.” She helps me to my feet, and I lean on her as we walk to my bedroom. “You’ve had a long day. Rest, Yael. Things always look better in the morning.”

“You’re right,” I say with a nod of my head. “Help me with these buttons.”

My grandmother is quiet as she works to free the buttons of the dress. “You know, Zev Landau is a very handsome man.”

I couldn’t disagree with her. “His looks do not excuse his crimes.”

“Alleged crimes,” she reminds me. I roll my eyes because my grandmother can be persistent. “He comes from a good family, Yael. You could do worse.”

Her words echo the conversation Zev and I had after Hadassah left the room. It was odd to be left alone with him, and I wonder if that was a calculated move or a simple accident.

Dozens of men were eligible to be picked tonight, and one was the Chief Elder, the man whose lascivious gaze sent shivers up and down my spine during the interview portion of the Purification Ritual. I don’t have to wonder what he was thinking as his eyes raked over my naked body; his thoughts were written all over his face and spilled from his lips.

“Have you let a man touch you, Yael?” he asked, his lips pulling back to reveal his teeth.

I was so shocked, so taken aback by the question, I instantly covered myself, trying to hide every inch of my body from him as he continued his questions.

“Have you ever touched yourself?”

None of the other Elders stopped him. They just stared with lust in their eyes.

“Why are you asking me this?” I cried.

“Only your husband should hear your first cries of pleasure, Yael. Only your husband should have the pleasure of touching you in the most sacred of places. We need to be thorough.”

The way he talked, the heaviness of his voice as it settled around the room, made me ill and still makes me ill as I think about what occurred only hours ago.

Better to marry a monster than marry a devil.But what if the devil and the monster are working together? If the rumors are true, then Zev the Wolf carries out much of the dirty work for the Elders.

My grandmother taps me on the shoulder, and I shimmy the dress down my arms until it falls away and lands on the floor. Grandmother scoops it up, places it on a hanger, and hangs it on the back of my door.

“Get some rest, Yael. The next seven days will be a whirlwind, and before you know it, you’ll be married.”

“Good night,” I say with a kiss to her cheek.