Page 24 of Ceremony of Lust

This entire conversation seems to make Dr. Hartman uncomfortable, but I stare at each item, wondering exactly what will happen tomorrow night.

“When he finishes, you must stay perfectly still with your legs up in the air.”

“Why?”

“So you have the best chance of getting pregnant.”

Pregnant? In all my conversations with Zev and all my fantasies about tomorrow night, pregnancy never crossed my mind. My stomach lurches at the idea of being a mother so young.

As soon as a woman is married, she’s expected to have children almost immediately. Failure to get pregnant after the first month of marriage is considered a failure on the part of the woman. It’s another way the Elders and the men of this community exert their power over women.

This new worry consumes me for the rest of the night. So much so that I sneak into my bedroom and call Zev.

“Hello?” he asks.

“Zev?” My voice is a quiet whisper. If I’m caught speaking to Zev the night before our wedding, I could be in trouble.

“Yael? What’s wrong?”

“I need to see you.”

His laughter is warm, and even through the phone, it sends shivers up your spine. “Can’t wait until our wedding night? I feel the same way, but tradition is tradition.”

“Stop making fun of me,” I scold him. “Please, Zev. This is important.”

Ten minutes later, I sneak into my backyard and wait.

The first faint whisper of Zev’s feet against the grass startles me, and for a moment, I worry I’ve been caught. When I catch the slightest whiff of his unique scent, I relax.

“Yael,” he whispers. “Where are you?”

“Over here,” I call out, waving my hand from underneath the large oak tree where I’ve been hiding. He approaches me slowly, and when he’s right in front of me, the urge to grab him and kiss him is strong.

“Tell me,” he demands in a soft but firm voice.

“Dr. Hartman was here today. She talked to me about tomorrow night.” Zev curses under his breath. “I’m scared.”

“I promise, I won’t hurt you. I’m not an animal.”

I shake my head. “It’s not that. I’m worried about not pleasing you.”

“This again?” He sounds almost annoyed.

“What if not pleasing you means I can’t get pregnant?”

“It’s not, I can assure you.”

“How do you know, Zev? How can you be so sure?”

He steps away from me, and the moonlight catches the tic in his jaw. “I just do, okay? My experience will more than make up for your inexperience.”

“Just tell me,” I beg. “Tell me what Leann did to please you.”

“Do you really think I’ve only been with one other woman, Yael? I’ve been with plenty.”

His words are like a slap in the face, but I press on. “Then tell me what they did so I can make you feel good.”

“Are you sure you want to hear about this, Yael? How women dropped to their knees and let me feed them my cock? Or how they spread their legs for me, showing off their bare, wet pussies?”