Page 58 of Ceremony of Lust

Her small hand winds itself up in my T-shirt, gripping it tightly. “He mentioned my mother again as though he knew her. Intimately. You know the secrets of this town. Do you know what he’s talking about?”

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly because there is a limit to my knowledge of this town. “Do you want me to start digging?”

She gnaws on her bottom lip. “She’s always been so mysterious, you know? She never married my father, and I thought that was the scandal. Maybe there’s more.”

“When you want to know more, just say the word, and I’ll help you.”

She’s quiet for a while before she lets out a long breath. “It’s disgusting. What the Elders do and then call it a ritual. I want to leave this place and never come back.”

“We will,” I reassure her. “Come back to bed.”

She looks up at me with tearstained cheeks and a red-tipped nose. “What do you do for them?”

“Things no man should ever have to do.” I glance toward the closet. All of my secrets are buried there, deep within its walls. I’ve kept track of everything I’ve done. There are lines I’ve refused to cross and some questionable lines, but almost every time the Elders have come calling, I’ve answered. Over the past few years, I’ve been more and more reluctant to fix their problems, and the woman next to me gives me the courage to finally walk away.

“Drugs?”

I shake my head. “No. Not drugs.”

“Then what?”

I press a finger to her lips. “Don’t ask me, Yael. I’m ashamed of the things I’ve done, but I will work hard to earn my redemption.”

When we’re settled back in bed, with Yael nestled against me where she belongs, I tell her, “I have to talk to my family about all of this. If the Elders retaliate, they will be affected. My brothers and sisters don’t know what I did. They have lives of their own, businesses to run, and families to feed. The community might punish them for my mistakes.”

“I’ll go with you,” she says with a shuddering sigh.

“You should talk to your grandmother. They might try to hurt her as well.”

She sits up slightly and looks down at me. Even in the dark, I can feel the heat of her gaze. “We do this together, Zev. No more lone wolf.”

I chuckle at her insistence. “There you go again, demanding equality.”

“At least I’m not demanding your love,” she replies tersely.

Her words are like an unexpected arrow to my heart. I don’t expect them to hurt, but they do. She doesn’t want my love anymore. Maybe she never really did.

In the morning, I make the necessary phone calls to my family, inviting them over because Yael and I have “news.” Over the phone, I can sense my mother’s excitement, but I quickly dash it when I tell her it has nothing to do with Yael being pregnant.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you again,” I tell her.

“You’re not a disappointment Zev,” she insists in her soft motherly tone.

Yael also calls her grandmother and extends a similar invitation. It’s best to tell everyone at the same time. As we prepare for our families to arrive, I look at Yael, who seems remarkably calm.

“Aren’t you nervous?” I ask, setting up the bar with my father’s favorite drinks.

She stops arranging trays of snacks on our dining room table to look up at me. Blinking a few times, she says, “Of course I’m nervous.” She walks around the table toward me and extends her hand. “But we’re doing this together, and that gives me the courage to face our families.”

She lifts our joined hands and kisses each of my knuckles. “Fuck, I don’t deserve you,” I mutter as I pull her against me. “So young yet so old.”

The doorbell rings, signaling the first of our families to arrive. Reluctantly, I let go of Yael to send the elevator down to the lobby. Our first guest is Yael’s grandmother. Soon after that, my parents arrive, followed by my brothers and sisters. For the first time ever, my home is completely full of people.

All eyes are on Yael, though. I can see the way my brothers and sisters look down at her belly, searching for any sign of pregnancy. There’s a pang of disappointment in my chest knowing I’ve brought them here under unhappy circumstances.

With everyone settled around the table, Yael and I stand at the head with our hands joined.

“Yael and I are moving,” I announce without preamble.