Page 16 of Ceremony of Lust

She looks up at me with bloodshot eyes. “Give me three days, Zev. Let me have the abortion, and I’ll come back, I promise. I’d never leave my children.”

I know what is expected of me. If Noemi doesn’t return home tonight, there will be hell to pay for both of us.

“Does your husband know about the baby?”

She shakes her head. “No. I just found out. Dr. Feldman confirmed it only a few days ago.”

“Can Dr. Feldman perform the abortion?”

“Yes, but you know he won’t. It’s against the rules.”

“If I can persuade Dr. Feldman to do it, will you come back with me?” Many women in Ripley are matched with husbands who are not kind, who don’t show their wives the slightest bit of respect. Her husband, Eli, is one of those men. If she were a young woman, perhaps she could endure being shunned and make a new life for herself in the city. But she has six children who need her. I can see the war waging within her.

“Yes,” she says at last.

After almost an hour and with a good bit of my own money, I’m able to persuade Dr. Feldman to not only perform an abortion but also lie about it. In the back of my car, I explain the plan to her. I make sure she will not deviate from the plan because it will not only affect her life but also mine and Dr. Feldman’s.

“I’m sorry you’re going through this, Noemi. I’ve done what I can to help you, but you have to realize where we live. You must protect not only yourself but also your children,” I tell her as we pull up to the emergency entrance of Ripley’s small community hospital. Dr. Feldman is waiting for us outside with a wheelchair. When I open the door and help Noemi out, the lie begins.

As soon as Noemi is safely wheeled into the hospital and is under the care of Dr. Feldman, I make the call confirming she is safely back in Ripley. “It’s done,” I say. “She’s back.”

“Where?” Anders asks.

“She suffered a miscarriage and was fearful that Eli would shun her. She’s with Dr. Feldman now.”

“You better not be lying to me, Zev.”

“What reason would I have to lie? You can call Dr. Feldman yourself.” My impatience and annoyance bubble to the surface as I spit the words out.

“I trust you,” he says after a long pause.

“And are we in agreement there will be no more errands until after the wedding?”

“You have my word.”

“Thank you, Anders.”

“I envy you, Zev. Yael will be a stunning bride. So fresh and young. She will be the sweetest fruit, luscious and creamy.”

My blood boils as he talks about my fiancée. The intimate way he talks about Yael makes my skin crawl. It reminds me of the way my sisters talked about the Purification Ceremony. They didn’t share much, only that it’s an all-day affair and involves the most tedious of tasks, but there always seemed to be some darker element, something my sisters were unwilling to share. The looks they gave each other, the whispered way they discussed their experience, tells me it’s not merely a trip to the spa. What exactly happened yesterday, and will Yael trust me enough to confide in me?

“Thank you. Good night, Anders.” I end the call before he has the chance to respond.

9

Yael

It’s Sunday,and as a newly matched couple, Zev and I are expected to attend the community service at the Temple. But when I arrive and take my spot in the very front, where all recently matched couples must sit, he does not take his place next to me. The eyes of the community are heavy on my back. Their silent judgment whispers in my ears, wondering what sin I’ve committed.

The gaze of the Elders is on me too as they conduct the community service. There seems to be a look of satisfaction on the Chief Elder's face, causing me to feel both anger and despair. Throughout the service, I blink back tears, and when it’s over, I bolt from the main chamber.

For the next few days, my despair and embarrassment only intensify because there is still no sign of Zev. Each night, he seems to invade my dreams, filling me with a riot of foreign emotions. I want to give them names, to identify how the thought of his touch makes me feel, but I can’t. Those words are not in my vocabulary. However, my stomach is in constant knots as I worry about whether or not I’m being rejected. Deep down, I know being spurned by a man like Zev Landau will break my heart, and going through another Match Ceremony will certainly break my spirit.

If this is truly rejection, then I will risk my future and be shunned.

Today, though, a glimmer of hope arrives when a courier delivers a stack of catalogs with a note from Zev instructing me to pick out new things for his penthouse because he wants me to feel at home.

“Oh, Yael, this is very nice,” my grandmother exclaims as she flips through a furniture catalog. She turns it around and points at a set of bedroom furniture.