Page 21 of Ceremony of Lust
Tears trickle down my cheeks. “I don’t know what I want.”
“Then I’ll tell you about this woman and our relationship so you can make an informed decision.” He bends and picks up a photograph, holding it up for me to see. The blond woman is wrapped around Zev like a snake. “Her name is Leann. I wouldn’t say we were in a relationship, but for three months, we were involved quite regularly. She saw me as nothing more than a meal ticket, and I saw her as nothing more than a convenient fuck. The last time I saw her was the night before you and I were matched.”
Somehow, knowing he saw her less than a week ago makes everything worse. It would be easy to disregard the evidence in front of me if the affair ended months ago, but it didn’t. I bet the scent of her still lingers somewhere on his skin.
Does he like the things she did for him? I look up at him, wondering if this is how I will be expected to act as his wife. Does he want me to act like the woman in the photographs? I catch a glimpse of his face in the photographs. He doesn’t look unhappy; in fact, he looks relaxed. Will I be able to make him feel the same way?
My grandmother reappears, and when she notices my hysterics, she rushes toward me. “Yael, what’s wrong? What happened?”
Zev snatches the pictures from the table and stuffs them into the envelope. “Yael has a decision to make.”
And then he’s gone, just like that. The heavy sound of his footsteps echo in the house, and then the door opens. When it slams shut, I flinch.
“Yael, tell me what happened,” my grandmother says softly as she brushes her hand through my hair.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I murmur.
“Are you having second thoughts about marrying Zev?”
“Yes,” I admit.
“Listen to your heart, Yael. It’ll tell you what to do.”
“And what if my heart tells me to leave Ripley behind forever? How can I live in a place where men have more power over women? Where a man can take and do whatever he wants while I must be chaste and obedient? Is this truly the life our ancestors wanted for us? One that is constantly stuck in the past?”
“I can’t answer those questions for you. I can only tell you to look deep inside yourself and decide what kind of life you want.”
I look up at my grandmother. “And what if I decide being shunned is the right choice?”
She tilts her head to the side, and I catch a little twinkle in her blue eyes. “I’ll survive. I know what everyone thinks of me, but I’ve buried my only daughter and my husband. If being shunned makes you happy, then that’s all that matters to me.”
“Thank you, Grandmother.”
“But Yael? Despite what is said about Zev, I can see he’s trying to be a good man.”
12
Zev
Revenge.It’s all I can think about the moment I step out onto the porch. I will find a way to get out from underneath the Elders, and when I do, I will make Anders Huxley pay. Today is proof he’ll do anything to keep me at his beck and call.
But I can’t bring myself to leave just yet. If she gives up and decides no match is better than being with me, I don’t want to lose whatever connection we have. I want to linger in this goodness for a little while longer until I’m forced to leave her, and any hope I have for my future, behind.
The squeak of the door opening catches me by surprise, and I almost tumble backward as I spin, latching on to the railing before I make a fool of myself.
“Yael” is all I say.
She steps out onto the porch, and it’s almost like seeing her for the first time. She’s not some doll being paraded on stage for all the single men in Ripley. Her brown hair is relaxed and wavy, fluttering in the slight breeze. Her white top is loose, and even the dark skirt she wears seems more casual.
“You can’t expect me to be okay with what I saw in those photographs,” she says sharply as she steps out onto the porch. “You have to let me be upset.”
“You have every right to be upset by what you saw,” I agree.
“You were with her the night before we were matched.”
“Yes, I was.”
She looks down for a moment before she lifts her head and meets my eye. “Were you . . .together?”