Page 97 of Rah

“I was already in a relationship when you moved in–”

Instantly, I started to cry. “Fabe…”

He quickly stood and raced towards me. I tried to push his embrace away as he came towards me with open arms, but he was able to grab me and hold me anyway.

As I started to cry, he swore, “But it’s over. It’s been over. As soon as you gave me you again, I was done with that girl. Inever wanted her. I got with her to get over you. And as soon as I saw her again, I ended it, baby. I swear. I saw what Rah did to you, and I would never put you through the same thing. Me and him may have the same blood, but I’m nothing like him. I love you. I swear to God, I do, and I will never hurt you. I will protect you from hurt and pain. That’s my job. Which means I won’t inflict any on you. I swear, baby. I swear.”

KAHLANI

When I heard Solae giggle, I looked over at her. “What’s funny?” I asked in a whisper.

It wasn’t anything funny in this court room. Watching defendant after defendant go up was depressing. Most of them were young boys fighting drug and weapons charges. Some of them came out of the back in chains. They were fighting more serious charges. Some of them were women, and I wondered if they were like me, in jail because of a man that she loved too much to put in her place by telling the truth.

“It’s just funny that I’m here with you,” she told me, still laughing. “A courtroom is the last place that I want to be unnecessarily.”

Suddenly, I felt bad for asking her to come to my hearing with me. “I’m sorry, Solae. Why did you come?”

“Because, girl, you’ve been there for me. You needed me to be here, so I’m here.” Then her smile faded and she got serious.

“What?” I pressed.

“You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“Why?”

“I want to talk to Rah.”

“About what?!” I whispered harshly.

“I know I’m wrong for stabbing him and have to be punished for that, but his lies are making it even harder for my bullshit attorney to fight for me. When I heard what he had told the police, I was sick to my stomach. I just want to know why he lied.”

“He’s not going to tell you the truth.”

She pouted, saying, “I know.”

For a second we sat there in silence. Then Solae leaned closer. “You need to be honest with Moses about the stabbing. Y’all have something real, something most people don’t get to have. It’s truly loving and loyal. Don’t start hiding things from him now. That’s how cracks in the foundation of your relationship start. He deserves your truth.”

Her words hit me in a place I’d been trying to ignore. I let out a breath, whispering back, “You’re right. I’ve been feeling guilty for keeping it from him. It’s been eating at me, like I’m betraying the same man I’d ride for.”

Solae gave me a small nod with soft eyes. “Then tell him, sis. Before the guilt does more damage than the truth ever could.”

Just then, my case was called. Solae smiled and held my hand. Her being here made me feel better, so I stood with a little more confidence.

Confidence or not, this was happening. As stupid as it might be, I was going to take this deal.

I stood next to my lawyer, stuffing my hands nervously into the slacks that I was wearing.

As I told the judge that I was agreeing to the plea deal, I was able to say it with confidence in knowing that I was doing this, notto prove that I was some ride or die bitch, but to save my family and to ensure that unlike other children, my son would have a father that was free to raise him and take care of him.

When I got home, Moses was stretched out on the couch, watching TV, still moving slowly from his surgery.

He looked up the second I walked in, and his eyes softened the way they always did when he saw me. That only made the knot in my stomach tighten.

I stood there for a moment, feeling how damp my palms were. I’d been carrying the truth around like a bomb strapped to my back, and Solae’s words in that courtroom kept ringing in my ears.

I couldn’t keep hiding this.

“I need to tell you something,” I said finally.