Page 32 of Rah

I couldn’t believe I’d watched him walk out of that house holding a baby that wasn’t mine, that wasn’tours. The thought alone made my stomach do violent flips. But I wasn’t about to sit around and cry over a man who could lie to my face like that.

After emptying out his drawers, I went into the closet.

I wasn’t even going to call him. I knew he would just try to talk his way out of it. He could sweet-talk the devil out of hell if he wanted to.

Tonight, his stuff was getting packed up, and by the time he got back, it would all be sitting on the porch. The latch on the front and back doors would be locked, and whatever lies he had ready could stay on the other side.

I dropped to my knees in the closet to get his shoes. That’s when I saw a duffle bag, half-tucked behind his sneaker boxes. It was unzipped just enough for a folded piece of paper to stick out. I pulled it toward me, thinking it was one of his old gym bags. But when I lifted the flap, my stomach dropped.

There were bundles of cash inside.

For a second, I couldn’t even move. My hands just hovered over it, trembling. I flipped through the bills, realizing it was tens of thousands of dollars.

I sat back on my heels, heart pounding. All those times he’dtold me we couldn’t afford another baby repeated in my head over and over again.

Tears blurred my vision. He hadn’t just cheated on me, he’dplayedme. He’d lied to me, took pieces of my heart, and built another life with them with another woman.

As I zipped the bag closed, I suddenly felt like putting him out wasn’t enough. This wasn’t just about revenge anymore; it was about balance. If Rah wanted to play dirty, I could get filthy.

He chose violence a long time ago when he decided to gamble my body, my trust, and my heart.

So, I was choosing it too.

RAH

“Now her dumb ass don’t wanna answer the phone.”

I mumbled angrily to myself as I ended the call and hopped in the Mustang. Solae had been blowing my phone up. Of course, she was calling at a bad time. I was with Aaliyah at Junior’s first doctor’s appointment.

It was cool that she didn’t answer, because I didn’t feel like being bothered anyway. She had had an attitude since last night. Her attitude coupled with mine was a recipe for another argument.

Everything was coming down on me real heavy. I was feeling stressed as fuck and couldn’t figure out what lie I had told to cover up the other.

Moses had been blowing my phone up because of what happened with the run I had him make for Carlos. Now, I was in the hole with Carlos. Moses was also hounding me about that dumbass meeting at Interscope that I made up. Not to mention, by it being the holidays, I was being pulled in so many different directions by the two different families that Ihad with Aaliyah and Solae. They both felt like I should have been obligated to be around just because it was Christmas. I felt obligated to be in the streets doing me.

It wasn’t my fault that they chose to have a bunch of babies. They made that choice, and that choice had nothing to do with me.

I thought everything was coming down on me real heavy, but the ton of lies that I had been piling up came crashing down when I made it home.

As I pulled up in front of the house that Solae and I shared, my phone started to ring. I looked down at it and saw that it was Feliciaagain. Laughing, I sent the call to voicemail. Then I hopped out the ride. Before I could make it to the sidewalk, my text message notifications were going off. I glanced down at the screen and saw the beginning of a few hateful messages from Felicia.

Felicia had a lot of attitude and a smart mouth. Yet, she had been rocking with me for years. Even after she found out about Solae, she kept fucking with me whenever I chose. But she was a hothead. She always cursed me out for not being with her how she wanted me to be. She was always sending me hateful four–page text messages. She filled my voicemail with messages about me not being shit. She was a fucking headache with some good pussy. That’s why I bent down on her every now and then.

I walked up the gangway as usual to enter the house through the back door. The gangway was filled with smoke that seemed to be pouring from the back of the crib. It smelled like something was burning, so I ran towards our backyard.

When I got back there, it looked like I had run up on a scene from a movie. Solae’s face was illuminated by the fire that she stood above as it burned high flames in the barbecue grillon the back porch. Her eyes were red, and tears were streaming down her face.

“Solae, what’s goin’ on?!”

As I jogged up the steps of the back porch, she backed away from me like I was Satan, whenshewas the one that looked possessed.

“Get the fuck away from me!”

I jumped at the sound of her voice. I saw the kids peering out of the back window. I looked into the barbecue grill and noticed my clothes and shoes inside. Small bits of green paper flew in the air around us like fireflies.

“Is that my shit?!” I ran towards her, but the fire was too high to get to her. The smoke was thick enough to choke me. She stayed behind the fire. It was protecting her from me, and she knew it. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! What are you doing?!”

“No! What the fuck is wrong withyou, Rah?! Who is she?!”