Page 129 of Rah

My lawyer stood, smoothing his tie. “Your Honor, the defense would like to submit a recording into evidence.”

The prosecutor shot up so fast her chair screeched across the floor. “Objection! I was never made aware of this so-called evidence. This is a surprise attempt to blindside the State, and I strongly oppose its admission.”

“Your Honor, this recording is directly tied to the credibility of the complaining witness, Mr. Rahzan Ramli. The State has built their case almost entirely on his testimony. This recording demonstrates his willingness to lie and manipulate in order to harm my client. The defense has every right to introduce it.”

“Why wasn’t this disclosed sooner, counsel?” the judge asked.

“We only recently received it, Your Honor. Its probative value far outweighs any claim of prejudice. If the State is truly interested in the truth, this evidence must be heard.”

“This is improper, Your Honor,” the prosecutor argued. “The State hasn’t had an opportunity to verify its authenticity. Allowing it now is unfair.”

The judge held up a hand, silencing her. “This is a bench trial, Ms. Carter. I am the trier of fact. I can weigh the credibility myself. The objection is overruled. The recording will be admitted.”

The prosecutor sank back into her chair, fuming.

I could barely breathe as my lawyer pressed the button on the small black recorder. Everyone quieted in anticipation. The hiss of the speakers filled the silence before Rah’s voice spilled into the room. The second it did, I turned to him. Finally, his cocky demeanor wavered. For once, that smug mask of arrogance slid away, replaced with shock that cracked like glassunder pressure. His eyes narrowed, as they landed on me. And what I saw there wasn’t just anger; it was betrayal. As if I’d broken some code by daring to play him like he’d played me for all these years.

Me:“I just want to know why you lied to the police.”

Rah:“Because I could. One way or another, I’m going to make sure you pay for crossing me. I’d rather it be by my own hands, but by the hands of a judge is good enough.”

Me:“Rah, you know that I am not a violent person and that I would never hurt my kids! You lied to them! You don’t have to make this worse for me by lying.”

Rah:“See? That’s your problem. You keep forgetting that I can do whatever the fuck I want to do.”

Me:“You know I wasn’t jealous of Aaliyah or bitter. I didn’t even know about her until recently! I left you! You keep lying and getting me and your kids in real trouble. This is not a game. Essence was sexually assaulted because of these sadistic games you keep playing, Rah. That’s why I was mad at you and you know it!”

Rah:“I tell everybody what they need to hear to get what I want. And I’ll keep doing it until you pay for thinking you can ever leave me.”

Me:“Rah, please... This isn’t a game! I can go to jail for a long time.”

Rah:“That’s the plan, bitch!”

The judge’s face folded into open disgust as Rah’s arrogance poured out of the speakers. Across the aisle, the prosecutor’s shoulders slumped; for a beat she looked defeated.

The idea had come to me to record that conversation thesecond Rah answered my call that day. For years, he’d hidden his true self behind charm, lies, and love-bombing. But I now knew that he was a narcissist who couldn’t resist taunting me if he thought he had the upper hand. So, I baited him and pressed where I knew he couldn’t help but brag. And he did exactly what I expected, and I was able to preserve his filth in real time.

I watched Rah’s shock curdle into rage as he heard his own voice betray him. I could see the wheels turning behind his cold eyes. I knew that look. He didn’t lose without coming for blood. Even knowing that, I didn’t look away because I finally felt like I had won a round.

“I’m so sorry, Essence.” I cried into the top of her head as I held her tightly in the back of my mother’s car. “Oh my God. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“He told me that he would make sure that you stayed in jail forever if I said anything. I was scared. But, Mama, I never want to be around him again. He smacked me so hard.”

I reached for her chin and lifted her face. The setting sun shined on her face through the car windows. I didn’t see any bruises, and I was grateful. My mother had smacked me a few times when I was younger, but that had been when my fast butt was out in the streets. I had deserved it. But I just could not imagine Rah having a legitimate reason to chastise Essence. And, knowing how menacing Rah was, I knew he hadn’t simply been chastising my baby.

“Why did he hit you?”

“He said he doesn’t like my attitude. He said I act too muchlike you. Then he called you the b-word and I told him not to call you that and he smacked me.”

Hearing that, my mother and father were shaking their heads in the front seat. My stomach turned as I watched the sadness in my kids’ eyes. It had been about an hour since my father had taken Essence out of the courtroom. It took that much time for the judge to recess until Friday, when the prosecution would have a chance to present their case and then the judge would make his ruling.

As soon as we were dismissed, I raced out of the courtroom with my lawyer by my side to find Essence. I didn’t even focus on the fact that I had just seen Rah for the first time since I had stabbed him.

I grabbed Essence again and hugged her so tight. She had stopped crying, but my tears had just began. I felt so unfit, like I was failing her.

“I am so sorry, Essence,” I apologized as I stroked her big, fluffy twist out. “You never have to see him again.”

“You sure don’t,” my mother added.