Page 37 of Rah

She followed. I watched her fingers work the knot in the lights and thought about all the knots of lies, stress, andhimI wanted to undo for her.

“What did you mean by bad men love love too?” she asked without looking me in the eyes. She was nervous, like she was scared of the answer.

I wanted to tell her everything. But all I told her was, “Even toxic, selfish men can feel love and say they love you, but the way they love brings chaos, pain, and control.”

“You’re saying your brother is toxic and selfish?”

“He’s not here to put this tree up with you.”

“He’s Christmas shopping for his kids.”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t need to. The look I gave her was the only truth I could offer without completely betraying blood. I wanted to flat out tell her that she deserved better than lonely holidays and pretty excuses. But I wasn’t a snitch.

Aaliyah sucked her teeth. “If you know something, just tell me.”

“I don’t have to spell it out for you,” I said, hating how close I was to crossing the line.

I wanted Christmases with our names on the same mailbox. But I wasn’t gonna win her by dragging Rah’s name through the dirt, even if he deserved it.

I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead. It was light,but I let it linger just to taste her. “I’m about to get out of here. I just wanted to drop the gifts off.”

She nodded, but her eyes held mine like she wanted more meaning to what I had said, but she forced out, “Merry Christmas, Fabe,” instead of the questions in her eyes.

“Merry Christmas, baby.”

For a second, I almost stayed. I almost reached for her hand and wrecked every line I swore I wouldn’t cross.

But, instead, I stood, stepped back, and made myself turn toward the door. I forced myself to leave before I started asking for more than what was truly mine.

RAH

“Cum on this dick.”

Felicia loved when I told her that. Instantly, her moans became louder and more animated.

“You want me to cum on this dick, Daddy?”

My dick hardened in response to the beautiful words that she breathed heavily into my ear. I lay on top of her, giving her deep strokes missionary style, trying hard not to finish early.

Despite ignoring her calls and text messages for days, she answered that day when I called. As much as she got on my nerves, I couldn’t deny how loyal she was to me. Though she knew that I had a woman at the crib, she was always there. She even had a hunch about Aaliyah, though she had no proof. Yet and still, when I called, she answered. I respected that about her. So, I made sure to come see her on Christmas Eve, give her some dick, and a Gucci bagthat I’d gotten from a booster that was a real good knockoff that came with a box and receipt.

“Hell yeah. Do what Daddy said and cum on this dick.”

But the only thing good on her was between her legs. She was always nagging and gave me a lot of grief for being with Solae and not her.

Just the thought of Solae made me take my aggression out on Felicia. I dug deep into her like I was looking for the fifty g’s that Solae burned up.

“Shit!” Felicia yelped. “Gawd damn!”

“Damn, this pussy good, girl.”

Fuck Solae. Crazy ass bitch.

Solae’s disloyalty was mind boggling. She had turned on me in the worst way.

I could bet she regretted that shit now, though.

“Didn’t I say cum on this dick? Why you bein’ hard headed?”