Page 60 of Rah

“Yes,” I finally answered. Even though in my heart I felt like what I was doing was right, I prayed to God that I was doing the right thing; that it wouldn’t come back and smack me in the face.

“How much time can I get?” I asked again.

“You don’t have a record. The least you can get is probation.”

“And the most that I can get?”

“Five or six years. You would have to do at least half that time.”

I leaned against the wall of the hallway. The public defender and I were waiting there for court to start. I was hiding my face behind the black scarf wrapped around my neck to hide from the cold in the old building.

All I could think about was Moses, though. Ever since he got shot, my mind hadn’t been clear, and I couldn’t concentrate on a thing.

Then word about Carlos’ murder broke in the early morning hours while we were still sitting in that hospital. It was heartbreaking seeing the hardest thugs I knew completely break down in sobs. Men who had stood ten toes in the streets their whole lives, who never showed fear or pain, were breaking down like little boys who’d just lost their first hero. My heart even went out to Rah. For all the things I didn’t like about him, for all the ways I thought he was reckless, I could see the devastation in his face. Carlos wasn’t just another man from the block; he was family to them, blood or not.

But watching all of that only made my own fear worse. If Carlos could be taken like that, in the blink of an eye, what chance did Moses have? He was lying a few rooms away, cutopen and fighting for his life. The thought of losing him clawed at me until I could barely breathe. I couldn’t imagine walking out of that hospital without him. The pain I saw in those men’s faces reminded me just how close I was to wearing that same look, and it terrified me.

I didn’t care about these charges anymore. I just wanted it to go away. I just wanted Moses to be okay.

SOLAE

After Kahlani’s court date, I met her at the hospital. The crowd that was once in the emergency room during the early hours of the morning had now relocated to the waiting area of the ICU. I couldn’t even count how many times these niggas got into it with security. They didn’t care about the capacity limit. They didn’t care about keeping it down because of the patients either.

It was a mad house. Things were even worse because word had hit the streets that Carlos was found dead in his home. Nobody had any full details, but everyone assumed that it was a robbery. Everyone had gone from worried about Moses to distraught over Carlos. No matter the work he was in, Carlos was a cool dude. He was good to the guys that worked for him, gave back to the hood, and never condoned killing anyone, no matter if they owed him money or threatened his life.

Despite the things that he had put me through, my heart still went out to Rah, as I watched him sick in a corner, tornafter hearing the news that his best friend was dead. I felt terrible and wished that things were different so that I felt comfortable enough to console him.

But fuck that. I recalled countless times over the past weeks that I was just as torn, and nothing in him moved him to console me.

“So, what happened at court?”

Kahlani and I were in the hallway, staring out of the picture windows as snow fell on the city. It had to be at least eight inches of snow already, and it was still falling.

“It was just a preliminary hearing. They assigned the case to a judge. We were hoping it would be thrown out, but it wasn’t.”

I didn’t attempt to hide how disappointed I was. Kahlani didn’t deserve this. She was so loyal and loving, which is how she got herself in this predicament in the first place.

“I can get up to five years. My lawyer thinks that I will most likely get felony probation since I don’t have a record. I’d have to wait seven years to get a felony off of my record, and it costs a lot.”

“Wow,” I sighed, shaking my head slowly.

“It’s obvious that the drugs weren’t mine. But they want me to snitch on whose they really were. I just can’t do it. I can’t put Moses in the middle of this. They’ll lock him up without thinking twice. I can’t have that on my conscience.”

I used to wonder how chicks found themselves locked up because of their man. Now, I knew. I couldn’t imagine having to make that choice,in the past. It was like literally choosing between snitching on your family or sacrificing yourself.

“Since Rah gave me some money to get a real lawyer, maybe I can find a good one that can just win thecase.”

My eyes squinted with curiosity. “How much did he give you?”

“Two thousand. He said he would pay the rest as the case went on. So, that’s good.”

Of course, I was super curious about where this sudden compassion in Rah came from. He had been a complete ass to me and his children but felt the need to pay Kahlani’s lawyer. I was happy that he had the heart to help her. However, the realization that Rah cared more about her case than he did about me, or even his kids, made my hate for him grow.

Seeing the disgust that darted out of my eyes, Kahlani asked, “Have you all talked?”

My eyes rolled into the back of my head. “No. He has the nerve to be mad at me. Ain’t that a bitch?”

“He is really acting a fool. Why is he so upset?”