Page 96 of Rah

“Years.”

My heart wrenched.Years? I would have felt better if he and Solae had been off and on, if I was the girlfriend while he and Solae were on a break.

“Years? How many years?” I asked, despite being scared of the answer.

“Fourteen.”

My eyes finally darted towards Fabe. “What?!” I snapped. “So, he was with her the whole time that he was with me?”

“Yeah.” The way he answered was so heartless, I could tell then that clearly everyone had been used to Rah juggling both me and Solae. Everyone, except me.

“So, I was the side bitch?”

“Yeah.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me that?!”

Fabe’s eyes bucked at my anger. “I did, in so many words.”

“You should have told me that he was in a whole ‘nother relationship!” I snapped, my arms flailing as I shouted.

“How I look telling my brother’s girl that she is really his side chick?”

“Like the man that claims he loved me the whole time!” I jumped out of bed, grabbed a shirt, and threw it on. I didn’t know where I was going, but I needed to get out of there.

I could feel Fabe’s eyes on me as he asked, “You mad at me for real?!”

“Yes!” I snapped, spinning around to face him. “How could you have had feelings for me and watched me be a fool like that?! You watched me be loyal to a nigga that was playing me! How could you love me? You watched me suffer–”

“You weren’t suffering,” Fabe shot back as he jumped to his feet. Pointing a strong, angry finger at me, he snapped, “You were happy. He was taking care of you. He was with you damn near every night.You were happy. You weren’t suffering. Solae,shewas suffering. She was getting the short end of the stick.”

His anger didn’t faze me not one fucking bit. We stood toe-to-toe but barely eye-to-eye. I looked up at him with fiery eyes. “I don’t care about your loyalty to Rah. You cannot tell me that you loved me knowing that he had a whole bitch!”

“I did love you,” he swore as he grabbed me gently by the elbows. “And I did more than I was supposed to. I told you in every way that I could. I couldn’t lay that shit out in black and white, but I told you that he wasn’t shit, Aaliyah.”

I snatched away from him and went to find some pants. “I wanna know everything.”

“Why?”

“Because I do!” I spat. “And if you really love me, you’ll tell me. I understand that you had a loyalty to him, but it’s very clear to you by now that that he doesn’t deserve anybody’s loyalty. I can’t be with you knowing that you have been lying to me–”

“Hold up. I didn’t lie to you!”

“You didn’t tell me either!” Finally, I found a pair of sweatpants in the drawer. As I sat on the bed and put them on, I said, “You’re keeping things from me, even now that I am with you. You know all of my dirt. I am here in rare form, but you’re still keeping secrets from me.”

Hearing him take a deep breath, I looked back at him. I watched as he sighed deeply and sat back on the chaise. He rested his arms on his forehead. It took a few seconds for him to say something, but when he finally did, I wished that I hadn’t pressed him to be so honest.

“I didn’t tell you everything because, despite what you feel, I really did and do love you. And sometimes you keep the truth from the ones you love if you know it will hurt them. You chose Rah. You were in love with him. All you would have done was run to him with the truth I told you, and he would have finessed you out of believing it.” When I scoffed and rolled my eyes, he touched my thigh to get my attention. “Yes, Rah was with Solae the whole time. Yes, he was fucking other bitches, in addition to you and Solae, the whole time. Why you think Ikept pressing you to fuck with me? Yeah, I felt a loyalty to him because he was my blood, but the more I saw how cold-hearted that nigga was, I saw how he didn’t deserve you or Solae. That nigga ain’t got no heart, but you don’t have to feel stupid. You weren’t alone. And if you want to know everything, Rah was never a hustler. He didn’t sell drugs. He was a fucking thief. He robbed other men who got it out the mud because he was never smart enough to.”

Finally, he looked at me, but I couldn’t even look at him now. My face once again fell into my trembling hands. I wasn’t only shaking from the heartache; I was shaking from fear of now knowing how deep Rah’s deception went.

I finally lowered my guard, telling him, “I understand. I’m sorry.”

I no longer faulted Fabe for keeping his brother’s secrets. I hoped that he would be just as loyal to me. Besides, the regret on Fabe’s face told me that he had already been punishing himself enough.

“I got something else to tell you too...”

I watched him, not ready to hear anything else but needing to know, since this was the man that I wanted to be with. And despite knowing that he had kept secrets from me, I still wanted to be with this man. Fabe keeping these kinds of secrets was no comparison to what some of these heartless niggas were capable of.