Page 69 of Rah

“It ain’t easy to chill,” he didn’t have a problem admitting. “You ain’t the one facing time for felony murder.”

I actually laughed. “You act like you already got arrested. They ain’t even investigating that shit.”

Caine didn’t find anything funny at all. “I just don’t wanna go down for this. She saw me. She recognized me and started crying. It’s only a matter of time… I’m not going down for this shit.”

I looked at him with disgust. It was obvious that he was insinuating he wasn’t taking the fall if it came to it. I could tellby the punk ass look in his eyes that he definitely was not going to take the fall alone.

I reached in my pocket for my cell. I called Solae a few times, knowing that she wouldn’t answer. I had been trying to meet with her so that I could take care of her, but I kept getting her voicemail. I sent her a few text messages, telling her that we needed to talk about our family so that I could get her alone. However, talking we were not going to do. I had to take care of this before these stupid motherfuckers ruined my happily ever after before I even got the chance to enjoy it.

15

After Essence’s confession, I got the kids dressed and took them to my parents’ house because I couldn’t handle this alone.

On the way, I stopped at Walgreens to buy a pregnancy test. As soon as we got to my parents’ house, I took Essence into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, we were both relieved that there was only one blue line. However, my only relief was for my child not having to face what I had at her age. She had another chance at doing motherhood the right way, though I was sure this situation would haunt her and make her hate her parents for life.

I had to talk to Rah. I had been ignoring him for days, but, as I got the kids settled, I replied to his text message, telling him to meet me at our house. He needed to know how far he had gone. I wanted him to know just how much his selfish acts had ruined our family. This shit had gone too far. Beyond fucking up my life, he had fucked up my daughter’s.

Finally, he replied to me via text, telling me to meet him at the house in fifteen minutes.

“How are you going to take care of this?”

My mama was just as devastated and angry as I was. I was sure the poor lady was going to have a stroke, she was so angry. She was right on my heels, chasing after me, barefoot wearing a bonnet and her old mumu. She followed closely behind me as I left the guest room that Essence was sleeping in. I guess finding out that she wasn’t pregnant gave her so much relief that she passed out.

“I’m going to go up to that home in the morning, mama.”

“You need to be calling the police right now.”

“I have to do that in the morning. It’s been a long night. They are going to want to talk to Essence. She needs to rest.”

“You need to file this reportnow,Solae!”

I breathed heavily with growing irritation. I had enough on my mind. It was swimming with all kinds of realizations that were sending me further and further into a frenzy. I didn’t need my mother’s nagging in addition to the bullshit.

I stopped suddenly. I spun around in the middle of the living room. She was following so closely behind me that she nearly ran into me.

“Mama! Iwilltake care of it.” She looked scornfully at my disrespectful tone, but I wasn’t in the mood to be chastised. “I have to go.”

“Where are you going?”

“To talk to Rah.”

“Why are you talking to him, Solae? He doesn’t mean you or these kids any good. You need to forget that that bastard even exists.”

“Mama, I gotta go.”

Ihadto. I had to get this off of my chest. The lies, theabortion, Aaliyah, their baby, taking my kids; he’d done so much, and I just needed to know why. I needed to know why he had to go as far as putting my kids at risk just to prove a point. I couldn’t understand how the love we had vanished so quickly, replaced with enough hate to make him go this far.

As promised, he was sitting in front of the house when I pulled up. I wondered why he didn’t get out of his car as I climbed out and locked mine.

I approached his car feeling as if I was in the twilight zone. I wondered how this nigga could be so manipulative that he hid this evil side of him from me for so long. I hated him for what he had turned us into, what he turned me into. I felt hate inside of me that I never felt before. I despised him, when just a few months ago, I loved him too much to even imagine my days without him.

He rolled down the window as I approached his driver’s side.

“Get in,” he simply told me.

“Where are we going?”