Page 66 of Rah

Then, she lost it. It’s like she had been holding that in since she got home. She collapsed on top of me, buried her face in my chest, and literally wailed. I held her tightly as my own tears fell silently.

“Hemadeyou, Essence? Tell me what happened.”

“He told me that if I didn’t, he would tell the supervisor that I did anyway, and then I wouldn’t be able to go home. He told me they would make me stay there forever if he told them we did it.”

As I cringed, I could feel my heart aching.

“Did he hit you?” I asked, suddenly searching her for bruises.

“No,” she whined.

“Did he pin you down?”

“No. He only hurt me when… when… when he put it in.” She recoiled in shame. “I just … I just wanted to come home. So, I did it anyway. But I didn’t want to, I promise. I didn’t like him. He was gross.”

I gnawed on my bottom lip. There was so much anger in that bite that I could taste my own blood. I closed my eyes tightly as I fought the urge to explode. I had buried my anger for Rah, so that I could live and move on. Now, it came hurling back into my heart and mind.

I was beyond furious.

Yet, I remained calm on the outside and tried to be the best mother that I could be.

“It’s going to be okay,” I promised her. “Mommy will take care of it. Okay, baby?”

“It’s not going to be okay!” She shrieked as she sat up again. “My period is late, Mama!”

She was devastated. She was crying her slanted eyes out. God, I was heartbroken for my little girl. I couldn’t even hide the remorse anymore. The hurt spilled from my eyes. When she saw my face, it was as if she wanted to die.

I wanted to die too.

AALIYAH

Fabe was calling for the fifth time that evening. I wanted to talk to him. He was the closest person to me, besides Rah. Considering what had happened, though, I no longer knew if I could still trust him either.

But, finally, I decided to answer. “You better not be calling me for your brother.”

“I’m calling for me.”

He actually sounded genuinely concerned, so I let my guard down. I laid back down under the bedding of the king sized bed in the Marriott. That is the only thing that I had been doing since I left the house. I didn’t know what to do. I had a lot of hurt in my heart and a lot of cash in my pockets.

“He told me what happened,” Fabe said. “Are you okay?”

No matter how hurt I was, I couldn’t even deny how my body relaxed in the presence of his sympathy and concern.

“I guess,” I answered.

“Where are you?”

“I don’t want your brother to know…”

“Aaliyah, c’mon now,” he fussed, interrupting me. “I wanna see you. I need to make sure you’re okay.”

Quietly, I pondered over the idea. I would have given anything to be held right then. His visit sounded like something that would make it all better, even if only temporarily. I had only had the comfort of my newborn. I needed somebody who could tell me that I wasn’t trippin’ and that I had done the right thing.

Fabe sensed my hesitation. He smacked his lips. “Really, Aaliyah? I’ve been telling you to leave that nigga since you got with him. Why would I tell him where you were?”

He was right. Had I listened to his warnings in the past, I wouldn’t be lying in bed with a purple ring around my neck.

“I’m at the Marriott on Sixty–Fifth and Cicero.”