Page 58 of Life After Me

Sometimes Endings are Beginnings

Jenn and David

David stared at Jenn in disbelief, his voice frozen in his throat by the emotions that choked him. He’d dreamt about this moment every day for over a year, but now it was here, he had no idea what to say or do.

‘Jenn?’ The word tore from his throat, carrying more than a year’s worth of emotion, pain and love. ‘Is it...?’ Hope crushed the words.

She smiled and nodded. ‘It’s really me. I’m really here.’ Tears slid down her face.

‘Oh my God, Jenn. I’ve missed you so much.’ He rushed towards her, but she stepped away.

‘I’m sorry love, but I don’t think you can touch me.’

‘Oh.’ David stopped short. He reached for the hand that had stopped him, and tried to catch it in his, wanting to grab on to her and hold her tightly so she’d never leave again.

But her fingers slipped through his, as insubstantial as smoke.

His heart broke a little more as his hope crashed away and he sank back on the bench.

‘I’ve missed you too. All of you. Even when I was nearby, there was so much I wanted to say, but the gap has always been too wide.’

‘Until now.’

‘It’s still not close enough, or for long enough.’ Jenn shook her head sadly. ‘I’m not here to stay, darling. I’m here to say goodbye.’

‘Why? Why can’t you stay?’

‘Because I’m not supposed to be here. I should have left when I died.

But I couldn’t.’ Jenn’s hair fluttered around her face.

‘I couldn’t leave you all. I didn’t fully understand what had happened at first. When I did, I was too scared to leave.

You were in so much pain, and it was my fault.

I wanted to stay to make sure you would all be all right. But then you saw me.’

‘Before your funeral.’ The words felt wrong.

‘Yes.’ Jenn nodded. ‘And once I knew you could see me, I realised I could do a lot more than just watch.’

‘So you stayed to look after us.’

‘Yes.’

‘So stay for longer. Look after us more. We still need you. I love you. I still need you.’

Jenn’s eyes filled with love as she looked at him. ‘I love you too. I always will. But you don’t need me anymore. You’re healing, you’re moving on, and it’s nearly time for me to do the same.’

‘It’s so unfair.’

‘No, no it’s not.’ Jenn tried to comfort him. ‘My dying was unfair, but me being here... this is a miracle. One you created for me.’

‘I don’t understand.’ David shook his head.

‘I should never have been able to come here, love. The dead and the living don’t speak like this. The gap between our worlds is too wide. It’s supposed to be that way. But you found a way to build a bridge so I could come back. Even if it is only for a short time.’

‘A bridge?’

Jenn nodded. ‘The daffodils. All the love and warmth you planted them with gave them strength enough to grow in my world too. They guided me back here. Back to you.’

‘Wow. Bloody hell.’

‘Yeah.’ Jenn paused and stared at the golden flowers, then shot her husband an amused glare. ‘Don’t you go teaching my granddaughter language like that.’ Jenn’s eyes sparkled with happiness and mischief.

‘Granddaughter?’ David’s mouth hung open for a moment. ‘Oh my God, Matty’s going to be a dad?’

Jenn smiled and shook her head.

‘Lottie? But she’s so young.’

Jenn shook her head again, still smiling. ‘That wasn’t a “No, it’s not Matty”, it was a “No, I’m not going to tell you”. Don’t you tell the children either. It’s a surprise.’

‘Shouldn’t I warn them?’

‘Absolutely not!’ Jenn laughed and the sound echoed through the air, and the daffodils seemed to laugh with her. ‘I told you, she will be a surprise. All you need to know is that she’ll be healthy, loved and very much wanted.’

‘All right. I won’t tell,’ David agreed. ‘So what happens now?’

‘We sit and watch our miracle together?’ Jenn settled on the bench next to him, careful to keep a finger’s breadth between them.

The silence spread out until Jenn broke it thoughtfully. ‘So, that was Ruth. She looks different in the flesh. Prettier.’

David jumped at the subject. ‘About Ruth... I’m so sorry.’

‘Don’t be. I like her. She’s good for you.

She’s funny.’ Jenn turned to face him. ‘And she won’t let you get away with too much.

She won’t let you wallow in self-pity and misery.

I’m sorry about how I introduced you. I really didn’t think the car would pick up so much speed so quickly. I never meant to hurt you.’

‘It’s all right.’ David laughed. ‘It wasn’t all that bad.’

Jenn ducked her head, and her hair fell across her face. A bark sounded through the air. David shaded his eyes as he squinted towards the source of the noise.

‘Is that Daisy?’

Jenn nodded without looking up. ‘Sort of. But she’s more than that. She’s come back to guide me to where I’m supposed to be, and make sure I don’t get lost.’

David swallowed hard. ‘Does that mean it’s nearly time for you to leave me again?’

‘Oh David, I’ll never truly leave you.’ Jenn rested her hands on the cold wood between them, wishing she could wrap her arms around him.

‘You loved me too well for me to ever truly die. I’ll live on in your memories and thoughts, and Matty’s and Lottie’s too.

When you meet our grandchildren, you’ll all tell them about me, and I’ll live on through them as well. And I’ll still be watching.’

‘Oh, Jenn, what am I going to do without you?’ David’s eyes filled with tears.

‘You’re going to live, my darling. You’re going to live, and you’re going to be happy.’

David shook his head, unable to speak through the tears.

‘Yes you will. Look at me, David.’ Jenn waited until his eyes met hers again, and the life they’d had flashed between them.

Days laughing and flirting at college melted into white lace and promises, then slipped into warm embraces and hot nights.

Jenn screaming as she laboured with their children flashed across shared memories, along with dozens of arguments and thousands of kisses and whispers of love.

Shared dinners and jokes, evenings at home, and just time spent with each other followed.

Family, friends, pets. Joy, happiness, sadness and fear.

It all flowed between them until the flash of pain when they were pulled apart.

David groaned and shook his head, trying to clear the last image but hold on to every other.

‘David.’ Jenn’s voice was thick with emotion.

‘Don’t you understand? You have to keep living for me.

Whether it’s with Ruth, or someone like her, or no one at all.

You have to find your happiness again. Live, and love, and enjoy your life.

I’ll always be in your heart, and I’ll always be with you.

So long as you’re really living and loving your life, I’ll never be far away. ’

‘Will I ever see you again?’ David struggled to speak through his tears.

‘Of course you will darling. But hopefully not for a very long time, and after a long life. Then I’ll come for you, and take you home.’

‘How can you be so sure?’

Jenn laughed, and the hill echoed with the sound again.

‘Look at the daffodils, David. Our love is so strong it reached past death to bring me back to you. Love like that is too strong, too deep and too honest to fade over a few years. It was created to last an eternity. And it will.’ Jenn slid from the bench and dropped to her knees in front of him.

She forced her words past her tears, fierce and passionate.

‘I love you, David. Yesterday, today and always and forever. I’ll wait for you always.

No matter where you go, what you do, or who you become, I’ll always love you. ’

David nodded and forced back tears. ‘I love you too. Always and forever.’

‘I know.’ Jenn nodded. ‘You’ll do as I ask? You’ll live, and be happy, enjoy and celebrate your life enough for the both of us?’

‘I promise.’

‘And if the chance for love comes again, promise me you’ll take it. I don’t want you spending your life alone.’ Jenn’s hands were almost in his.

David nodded. ‘I promise. But I’ll always love you. Whatever happens, I’ll be always and ever yours.’ He gulped in air painfully. ‘I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think I can watch you leave me again.’

‘Then don’t.’ Jenn smiled through her tears. ‘Just close your eyes.’

‘I love you, Jenn.’ David closed his eyes over the tears that still spilled down his cheeks, and tried to concentrate on Jenn, pulling her presence and scent into his heart, locking her with him.

Jenn saw a flash of something small, round and red disappearing into the distance beckoning to her, followed by a joyful bark that David wouldn’t hear for a lot of years to come.

The air around David turned colder and ice brushed over his lips, as soft and insubstantial as a snowflake, and gone just as quickly.

As the kiss melted on his lips and burned itself into his memory for ever, Jenn’s last words whispered into his ear.

Always and ever yours.

THE END