Page 45 of Life After Me

Lottie

The door had swollen in the damp weather and was jammed again. I slammed my shoulder against it with too much force, then winced as it crashed into the wall.

‘Sorry!’ I closed it more quietly and kicked my boots off. ‘Hey, I brought the prints from that shoot I was telling you about.’ I peered into the living room. ‘Where are you?’

‘In the kitchen. There’s fresh coffee if you want it.’ The voice that echoed back wasn’t my dad’s.

I dropped the photos on the hall table and peered around the kitchen door.

I nearly swallowed my tongue in surprise.

There was a woman standing at the oven in jeans and what looked like one of my dad’s sweatshirts.

She looked completely at home, barefoot and poking something in a frying pan.

She moved the pan off the heat and wiped her hands on a tea towel.

Her honey-coloured hair was still fluffy and dishevelled from bed, and she wasn’t wearing a scrap of make-up, but she was naturally pretty and had smile lines around her eyes.

She gave me a cheerful smile as she poured coffee into a cup. ‘You must be Lottie.’

‘Yeah, I am. And you are?’

‘I’m Ruth. Newlyn.’ She twisted the cup between her fingers before taking a sip.

‘Oh. You’re Ruth. It’s very nice to meet you.

I’ve heard a lot about you.’ Everything suddenly clicked with the name.

This was the Ruth Dad had been talking about.

Every time we spoke, her name somehow made it into the conversation.

Ruth said this, or she said that, or thought this.

Lately it’s been more than that too. It hasn’t just been Ruth — he’s said “we”.

As in “ we went to the movies”, and “ we had dinner”.

I looked her over and started to smile. My dad had good taste, I had to give him that. Ruth was very pretty. If he was ready to start dating, and whatever else that I didn’t want to think about for even a second, then she was a good choice.

‘It’s nice to meet you too.’ Her smile seemed genuine enough. ‘Your dad’s in the shower. Do you want some eggs?’

‘Right. Dad said you were going to a movie last night...?’ I let the statement hang in the air and watched Ruth closely, wondering if she’d have the decency to blush.

She stared right back, chewed on her bottom lip for a moment and then snorted in amusement. ‘You can stop looking at me like that.’

‘Like what?’ I smiled innocently.

‘Like you think you know what’s going on.

You don’t. This,’ she gestured at Dad’s sweatshirt, ‘isn’t what you think.

It was so wet and miserable last night that we decided to skip the cinema and order pizza instead.

I drank a bit too much to risk driving home.

I spent the night in the spare room. I’m just making your dad breakfast as thanks before I head off. ’

‘Oh.’ Disappointment and relief flooded me in equal measure.

For a couple of minutes I’d really thought Dad had found himself a girlfriend.

It would do him good to stop moping around, and honestly, I think Mum would approve.

‘So, you seem to know your way around the kitchen pretty well. Do you stay over often?’

‘I wouldn’t say often.’ She gave me a quizzical look. ‘Don’t you ever stay with friends rather than get a late taxi home?’

‘I guess,’ I admitted grudgingly, not wanting to admit how many times I’d spent the night on uncomfortable couches or floors rather than pay taxi fares or risk late-night buses.

‘There you go then. Now, what about those eggs?’

I shrugged. ‘OK. Thanks.’

Dad sauntered in a couple of minutes later, his hair still wet from the shower. ‘Something smells good in here...’ His voice trailed off when he spotted me. ‘Lottie, you’re early. Umm, this is my friend Ruth... she...’

I could have enjoyed the look of panic in his eyes, but it seemed too mean. Plus I wanted to encourage this. A girlfriend might do Dad the world of good.

‘She stayed in the spare room. I know. We’ve already had that conversation.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Are you going to stand there gawping or have some breakfast?’

‘Umm . . .’

‘Just sit down.’ I kicked the other stool out from under the breakfast bar. ‘What about you, Ruth? You not joining us?’

‘No, but thanks for the offer. I need to be getting home. I’ve got some patients to visit, and I promised I’d have breakfast with one of them. He’s gone off food a bit, and it helps him to share meals.’ She shrugged as if this was totally normal.

Damn. I’d been hoping she was going to stay. I wanted to talk to her more. I wasn’t sure I totally bought this “drank too much” story. There was something else going on here. But I could hardly complain when she was looking after terminally-ill people. Even if I might have liked to.

‘Are you sure you’re all right to drive?’ Dad asked.

‘Yeah, I didn’t drink that much last night.’ Ruth laughed and leaned towards my dad, her hand resting lightly on his wrist. She froze and her eyes flicked to me before she flashed a bright smile at him. ‘Give me a call about Wednesday.’

‘I will.’ Dad went to stand up.

‘Don’t be silly. Stay put.’ Ruth flapped a hand at him. ‘I can let myself out. Nice meeting you, Lottie.’

‘Yeah, you too.’ I waited until the front door slammed shut before peering at Dad. ‘So, what’s happening Wednesday?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Didn’t sound like nothing.’

‘It is. Just said we should try to catch the film we missed last night.’ Dad shrugged.

‘Oh.’ I fiddled with my egg. ‘So, how come she stayed in the spare room?’

‘She told you that. She’d drunk too much to drive safely.’

‘I know why she stayed here. What I meant was why did she stay in my brother’s old room, instead of yours?’

‘Charlotte! That’s an awful thing to suggest.’

‘Why?’

‘Because Ruth and I are just friends.’

‘Really?’ I didn’t believe him for a minute.

‘Yes really. Don’t be disgusting.’

‘Oh come on, Dad, don’t be naive. She’s pretty and you’re obviously into each other. What’s disgusting about that?’

‘Your mum. I couldn’t betray her like that.’

‘Dad.’ I wrapped my fingers around his. ‘Mum’s dead. Even though she’s still here, in a way she’s not. She knows that. She just wants us to be happy, especially you.’

‘Even if that were true—’

‘Which it is,’ I interrupted firmly.

‘Even if it were,’ Dad continued, ‘Ruth doesn’t think of me like that. We’re just friends.’

‘Oh, Dad, sometimes I think blindness when it comes to women is a trait for the men in this family. If you and Matty are anything to go by, it’s a wonder I even exist.’

‘What on earth are you talking about?’

I rolled my eyes. Clearly I was going to have to spell it out for him. ‘Dad, Ruth is totally into you. And you’re completely into her. How can you not see it?’

‘But . . . she’s never said anything,’ Dad complained.

‘Of course she hasn’t. Mum’s only been gone since Christmas. She’s been a widow a lot longer. She’s going to wait until you’re ready. Plus she’s waiting for you to make a move. It is kind of traditional you know.’

‘But what about your mum?’

I rolled my eyes again. ‘Mum wants you to be happy. Everything she’s done so far is to look after us all, make sure that we’re happy, and that we have everything we need. What makes you think Ruth is any different?’

‘I don’t know, Lottie. Just thinking about it feels wrong. Like I’m betraying Jenn.’

‘But Da—’

‘Lottie, I don’t really want to talk about this.’

I shrugged. ‘I think you need to talk about this, Dad. And I think Mum’s with me on this one.’ I paused while the air around me thickened and filled with the weight and presence that Mum always brought with her. I smiled triumphantly at Dad. ‘See? She agrees with me.’

‘Or she’s here to disagree with you.’

‘Doesn’t feel to me like she’s disagreeing.’ I sighed irritably. ‘You told me how you and Ruth met. If you don’t think that’s Mum giving you her blessing to start dating, what is? How much more obvious do you need her to be? What are you waiting for? A message painted in the sky?’

‘Well it would be nice.’ He laughed. ‘Did you bring round those photos to show me?’ I nodded. ‘Well go get them. I want to have a look.’

‘All right, but don’t think this is over. I reckon Mum’s going to have more to say on the matter too.’

‘If you say so. Now go get those photos.’

* * *

David

I don’t think I can see Ruth anymore. It’s too confusing and embarrassing. I keep thinking about her in ways that just aren’t appropriate.

I’m blaming Lottie. I love my daughter but sometimes I could just strangle her.

Ruth’s been a great friend to me, but since Lottie started making her comments about us being “into each other” I can’t think straight.

I had never thought of Ruth like that before.

Except to notice her legs, and that she was pretty.

All right, maybe there was a bit of flirting, but it was harmless, and I think Ruth is just one of those really friendly people who’s a bit flirty with everyone.

But now, thanks to Lottie, everything is different.

Oh, who do I think I’m fooling? I’ve thought Ruth was attractive since the day I gave her a lift to the garage.

She’s gorgeous. But I never thought about her like that, because of Jenn, of course, and also partly because I didn’t honestly believe I had a chance with someone like Ruth.

I mean she’s gorgeous, clever, confident, and kind and I’m just me.

But ever since my darling, beloved daughter made those comments I can’t think straight.

Ruth and I went to see a film last night, and I honestly can’t even remember what it was about because I spent the whole time focused on her.