Page 52 of Life After Me

‘Just what?’ My breath was heavy in my chest.

‘Just... I’m struggling to understand why Jenn would go through all this effort to bring us back together if we can’t actually be together. Wouldn’t she have known you’d be attracted to me, and that it would make for some seriously awkward, friendship-wrecking situations?’

I froze, my mind reeling. What if she was right? What if Jenn had known all along that I’d be attracted to Ruth? My heart was thumping so hard I was convinced Ruth would be able to hear it.

‘Well?’ Ruth was watching me, waiting for an answer.

Her eyes flicked to something behind me, and she jumped off her chair.

‘Bloody hell!’ She reached for something off the bookshelf, and I had a funny feeling I knew what it was.

‘This isn’t the same daffodil bulb that nearly wrote off your car, is it?

’ She held the brown paper globe between shaky fingers.

‘Answer me this honestly, David. This has got something to do with Jenn as well, hasn’t it? ’

‘Yes.’ Denial wasn’t an option. Of course it was Jenn.

‘So she didn’t just haunt me until I came back round here, she actually introduced us too.’ Ruth laughed and tossed the bulb between her hands.

I nodded even though it wasn’t really a question, and took the bulb back from her. My fingers tingled and burned where they brushed against Ruth’s, and I turned away quickly to tuck the bulb gently back where it now seemed to live.

‘David?’ Ruth’s fingers curled around my wrist and I stared down at them numbly. I couldn’t believe the heat that came from a few inches of bare skin. ‘David. Answer a question for me. Just one more.’

‘All right.’ I turned to face her, but she was nearer than I thought, and I struggled to ignore the sheer closeness of her.

Even through the baggy old clothes, I was intensely aware of the curves of her body.

Desire and guilt fought for dominance. On one hand I wanted nothing more than to gather Ruth in my arms, follow my body’s screaming urges and kiss her thoroughly — just to start with.

But on the other hand there was my Jenn.

I needed an answer, and hoped beyond reason that Ruth could give me one.

‘Jenn has been around you all this time, so she’s known about you being attracted to me for as long as you have.

Maybe longer as you’ve tried to convince yourself otherwise.

Given that, and the fact that I was willing to respect your wishes and never see you again, as a friend or anything else, why do you think she’s gone through all this trouble to bring us back together, and to this point?

’ Ruth looked up at me with such warmth and openness that my stomach flipped.

‘I...’ I took a deep breath, stalling for time as I considered the possibilities. ‘I don’t know.’

‘This is your wife we’re talking about. If you don’t know her, who does?’ Ruth’s calm logic was unavoidable.

My mind reeled as my world turned upside down.

For the first time in months, everything started to make sense again.

If Ruth was right, then I’d misunderstood almost every one of Jenn’s actions in the last few weeks.

The feathers she’d left weren’t angry messages, they were just reminders that I wasn’t as alone as I felt, and when she left my sketchbook out it was just an attempt to drag me out of my misery and depression and make me smile again.

I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been. All this time I’d been concentrating on the tiny little movements Jenn made, and ignoring the whole point of what she’d been trying to achieve. She hadn’t been trying to hurt me, or punish me, she’d been trying to get me to move on.

I closed my eyes, and for a brief moment the air took on the warmth and weight that meant Jenn was nearby. I could almost hear her relieved laughter as she disappeared again, and I finally understood her point.

‘David, I’m afraid I lied to you when I said “one more question”.’ Ruth interrupted my thoughts and brought me back to earth. ‘I’ve got another. How do you feel about women who make the first move?’

Before I could even think about the question, let alone work out the answer, Ruth’s hands were cupping my face.

She stared at me for a second and her eyes searched mine briefly, before she pressed herself against me.

Her body was warm and welcoming against mine.

Her nose brushed against mine before our lips met, tentatively at first, and slightly unsure. She was waiting to see how I’d respond.

Then her hands slipped around my neck, and she drew me closer.

Her touch was soothing and healing, but incredibly sexy all at the same time.

Heat flooded through me from every point where we touched, bringing me back to life and pushing away every other thought except for the feel of her lips against mine.

Ruth pulled away from me reluctantly, and for a moment I felt her breath hot against my lips. She smiled up at me, mischief and desire mingling in her eyes in a way that made my stomach, and muscles a lot lower that I thought had long ago shrivelled up, clench tightly.

‘Well, the roof didn’t cave in on us, and I’ve not been pelted by leftover rice or daffodil bulbs. What do you think that means?’

I wrapped an arm around her waist, and placed my other hand at the back of her neck.

‘I think it means I should do this.’ I lowered my mouth back to hers in a kiss that was deep and hungry and bruising.