Page 57 of Life After Me

‘Because I asked really nicely. And because it’s important.’ My warm breath filled the air with clouds of white as I clambered to the top of the hill. It was harder going than I’d expected, but I wasn’t going to admit that to him. I paused at the frozen fence. ‘Take a look.’

David peered through the frozen railings. ‘What? What am I looking at?’

‘The top of the hill.’ I fiddled with the stubborn padlock. ‘Damn, I think this lock’s frozen.’

‘I wouldn’t be surprised. Everything else is. I can’t see the hill through all the snow,’ David grumbled. ‘Here, let me have a go.’

I handed the key over with a shrug. ‘You don’t see them, do you? You can see them from the top floors of the flats over there. I was there a couple of days ago visiting a patient. With the sun we’ve had, they’ve all come out early.’

‘What are you talking about?’ The lock clicked and he grinned. ‘There you go. Just needed a bit of strength.’

‘Oh shut up.’ I scooped up a handful of snow to chuck in his face.

David shot me a dangerous grin. ‘Don’t start what you can’t finish.’

‘What makes you think I couldn’t?’ I raised an eyebrow. ‘Actually, forget it. I didn’t bring you up here for a snowball fight.’ I slipped my hand around his, two mismatched gloves wrapped around each other, and dragged him through the gates and around the back of the school.

When we reached the corner of the school, I paused. This was something that belonged to David and Jenn. I didn’t feel like I had a place in it.

‘I’ll wait here.’ David turned and gave me a strange look. ‘This isn’t mine,’ I explained. ‘It’s yours.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘You will.’ I gave him a gentle shove, and leaned back against the wall, blowing into my gloves to warm my fingers.

A few seconds later I heard David swear, and grinned to myself. Ever since I’d peered out of my patient’s flat window and seen the golden glow topping this hill, I knew I had to get David up here. A minute or so later he reappeared and held out his hand to me.

‘Are you sure?’ I asked gently. ‘I don’t want to intrude.’

David gave me a warm smile. ‘This was your idea. You should see them. I want you to see them. It’s amazing.’ He shook his head, smiling. ‘I still can’t believe they all grew. Especially so early in the year.’

I let him take my hand and lead me back the way he’d come. He held me tightly so I wouldn’t slip in the snow and ice.

As soon as I rounded the corner, I stopped and stared in wonder.

Thousands of daffodils sprouted from the snow, their green proud leaves and golden petals bright and beautiful against the stark white and empty landscape.

Despite the snow and ice, they waved to us cheerfully, defiant of the season and cold.

‘It’s so beautiful,’ I breathed as I looked around at the thousands of golden flowers that covered the entire top of the hill. ‘It looks like something out of a fairy tale. They didn’t look anything like this lovely from the flats. I didn’t realise there were so many.’

‘And every single one of them was planted by someone who cared about Jenn.’ David’s voice was filled with pride.

‘That really is amazing.’ I squeezed his fingers tightly.

‘Yeah.’ David sounded far away. Even though he was staring at the daffodils, I knew he wasn’t really seeing them. His eyes were focused on something much further away, and I understood what he must be thinking.

I slid my hand out of his to let him have his privacy and space, and wandered a few steps away to brush the worst of the snow off one of the benches.

I perched on it gingerly. Even through my thick coat and jeans, I could still feel the cold of the wood against the backs of my legs.

I watched the daffodils dance and wave cheerfully for a few minutes before calling to David, and patting the bench next to me.

He joined me. ‘I still miss her. I don’t think I’ll ever really stop.’

‘I know.’ I leaned up against his shoulder, offering what warmth and comfort I could. I think he appreciated the gesture, because he rested his head against mine and let out a long sigh.

‘It really is beautiful here, isn’t it?’ David still didn’t look away from the daffodils. ‘Jenn would have loved this. She really would have.’

We watched the daffodils ripple and wave in the wind for long, quiet minutes. It was quiet and peaceful, and even though I’d never met Jenn in the conventional sense, I knew David was right. Anyone would love it up here.

Eventually David shifted and turned to smile at me. ‘Thank you for showing me this. It means a lot.’ His voice was thicker and heavier than usual, weighed down with emotion.

‘I know. You’re welcome.’

He looked up and smiled. ‘Look at that. The sun’s coming out. Maybe it’ll finally warm up a bit.’

‘Maybe.’ I tilted my face towards the light, but it was more bright than warm. It glistened off the snow and the tiny drops of water on the daffodils, making them shimmer as they danced in the wind. It was almost magical.

I struggled to look away from the scene even though the sunlight grew brighter and brighter.

It glared off the snow, sending painful stabs behind my eyes that made them water, and filling them with multicoloured spots, but I still couldn’t look away.

The glare from the sun got brighter still, digging into my vision and turning it white, and I started to panic.

I threw my hands across my eyes to protect them from the glare, then instantly felt stupid.

It was nothing more than a bit of snow blindness.

I rubbed my eyes until the spots started to fade, then gingerly opened them again.

I blinked a few times, feeling more and more silly with every blink.

When my vision cleared properly, I realised we weren’t alone anymore.

Though my eyes were still watery and protesting against the brightness, I could just make out the figure of a woman in the middle of the daffodils.

She was bent over, cupping a delicate flower head between bare fingers as she inhaled its fragrance.

Her pale, summery dress fluttered in the breeze and merged in with the snow, making her hard to see.

‘Bloody hell. She must be freezing.’ The medic in me took over.

‘I wonder where she came from.’ I was already stripping off my gloves to unbutton my coat so I could wrap it around her, and warm her up.

‘Come on. I’m going to see if she’s all right.

She shouldn’t be out in this weather dressed like that. ’

David was frozen beside me, staring at the woman as she moved carefully between the flowers.

‘David? Are you all right?’ He ignored my concerns and stood up silently.

The woman started to walk towards us, her dress’s skirt and dark hair still moving in a breeze that I couldn’t feel. She didn’t look cold or ill. She looked healthier and more alive than anyone I’d ever seen. She almost seemed to glow with the light that reflected off her.

Somewhere deep inside, part of me began to panic and scream. Whatever was happening here wasn’t right or normal. I knew I should be afraid, that I should run away and hide from this stranger. But I couldn’t move.

Then the familiar presence that had been around me for weeks filled the air, and peace washed over me. The biting air suddenly felt warmer, and it was tinged with the scent of honeysuckle and apples.

My mind struggled to put together the scent and presence, and match it with the woman floating towards us. Then I recognised the smell and feel, and I knew who she was. It was impossible. There was no way on earth that she could be here. Except that there wasn’t anyone else it could have been.

I’d believed David when he told me about her. I’ve long accepted there’s far more to this world than any of us can see, but I never expected to come face to face with that afterlife, and have part of that other world walking towards me in the form of my lover’s dead wife.

My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I had to swallow half a dozen times before I could find my voice. ‘Is that...?’

‘Jenn.’ David’s voice was a whispered sigh of joy and hope, almost prayer-like. I felt instantly uncomfortable and out of place. I was intruding on an incredibly private moment.

I brushed the snow off my bum and rubbed my hands together, feeling awkward. ‘I’m... umm... I’m going to go now.’

Neither of them seemed to notice me as I edged by but I couldn’t just leave. As I reached the corner, I stopped and turned.

The angelic, glowing vision looked towards me, and my eyes locked with hers. Horror filled me as thoughts crashed through my mind.

This was David’s wife. Or her ghost at least, or whatever she was. I’d been sleeping with her husband, and helping him move on. To move away from her. Panic bubbled in my chest and rose up in my throat. I had to apologise and make this right. I had to take it all back.

But cool stubbornness overwhelmed my panic and I squared my shoulders. Actually I didn’t have anything to apologise for. David and I were adults, and whether Jenn’s ghost was here or not, she was still dead. I’d done nothing wrong.

After what felt like a small eternity, the corners of her mouth started to creep up into a smile.

Clearly I’d done something right. I had to unstick my tongue again, but eventually found enough voice to ask the question that had been plaguing me for weeks.

‘It was you, wasn’t it? Before Christmas with Billy? ’

She nodded and the smile lit up her eyes.

‘Thank you. From me, and him, and his whole family. You kept him with us long enough for the surgeons to carry out his transplant and save his life. Thank you.’ I pulled my coat more tightly around me and walked calmly away.