Page 36 of Life After Me

David

It feels very odd to be in our house without Jenn’s stuff.

You wouldn’t think that emptying a few wardrobes and giving away books and DVDs that we’ll never use again would make that much difference.

But it does. It’s changed the feel of the house.

Jenn always preferred actual books — loving the smell and feel of them — whereas I was just as happy reading electronically.

But that means there are lots of gaps on the bookshelves which seem to resonate their emptiness throughout the room.

I did think about putting a plant or something in them, but it would only highlight the gaps, and all the things that are missing in my life.

Besides, even if the plants did work, it wouldn’t solve the problem of the wardrobes. Even when the doors are closed, I can still feel their emptiness. I’m trying not to think about it, because when I do the emptiness seems to grow and the knot in my stomach becomes tighter.

So, instead, I’ve been focusing on the children. I’ve been trying to get involved in Matty’s wedding, but beyond suggesting a few guests, supplying addresses and donating some money to the day, there’s not much I can do.

I’ve been able to help Lottie a little more, but that’s not been a great success either.

She’s been having problems with her flat.

Seems that, despite the contract they’ve got, her landlord wants to sell the place.

Lottie and her housemate are going to have to move out quickly.

I’ve been scouring the local listings online and visiting estate agents to try and help her find a new place.

It’s hard work, especially in London. She really wants to stay in the city, but everything in her price range is grim and depressing, or in horrible, unsafe places that I really don’t want my daughter living in.

In a way I’m grateful for Lottie’s problems. Not because I want her to be in difficulties, because I never would, but because it gives me something else to think about.

It’s a genuine, legitimate problem that needs my attention.

Even though it’s proving to be difficult to resolve, I can fix this.

I can find a flat Lottie will like. It’s difficult, especially in her budget, but not impossible.

And it means I don’t have to think about the emptiness that’s echoing through the house and making it feel less like my home than it has in decades.

If I’m completely honest, I think Jenn’s as relieved as I am to have something else to focus on.

* * *

Lottie

I collapsed tiredly on Stu’s couch and gratefully accepted a mug full of steaming tea. ‘You really do know how to look after a girl.’

‘Part of my charm.’ He grinned. ‘Shift over, Jasper. You’re not the only one who hasn’t seen her all week.’

I groaned and covered my face. ‘I’m sorry.

Between photo shoots and editing and all the time I spend travelling back and forth, I barely have time to scratch.

Any spare time I’ve got I’ve been spending on the phone to estate agents and sending emails.

It’s the only way. Most of the decent properties seem to go before the listing is barely live.

I’m so tired I can hardly think right now. ’

‘So your landlord’s definitely selling the place?’

‘Yeah. He’s given us till the end of next month to get out.’

‘How’s the search going?’

‘Rubbish. Everything’s so expensive. I’m half-tempted to move back in with Dad. At least I wouldn’t have to pay rent then. I could concentrate on getting my name out there, and making sure the jobs I do get are completed perfectly.’ I snuggled deeper into the sofa.

‘You can’t really move back in with your dad.’

‘I know.’ Jasper whined in sympathy and I rubbed his ears. ‘I love my dad, but we’re better off not living together. Even Mum couldn’t always keep the peace between us.’

‘So what are you going to do?’

‘I’ll take one of the more expensive flats. I’ll just have to get a part-time job at a bar or something.’

‘I’ll never see you if you’re working at night,’ Stu grumbled.

‘Maybe a shop then.’

‘Won’t tie in too well with being an on-call photographer.’

‘Well what am I supposed to do? I’ve got to do something,’ I snapped. ‘What are you smiling at? Are you even listening to me?’

‘You’re cute when you get wound up. Did I ever tell you that?’ Stu grinned at me. ‘Oh, and I bought you a present.’

I melted as he produced a small purple box tied with a huge silver ribbon. He is such a sweetheart. I rattled the box and bit my lip as something thumped heavily inside. Stu’s arm slid around my shoulders and he nuzzled against the back of my neck.

‘What’s this for?’

‘I thought it might cheer you up. You’ve been so stressed lately. Besides, do I need a reason to buy my girlfriend a present?’ His breath was warm against my skin, and my stomach flipped as his lips tickled my neck. I relaxed back against him and let some of the worries pour out of me.

‘Well, are you going to open it?’

‘Yes.’ I put my tea down and yanked the ribbon off, my fingers clumsy and trembling with excitement.

I had no idea what it was, but if it was from Stu it was bound to be interesting.

I peered beneath the lid and felt my heart sink.

Nestled in a pile of tissue paper was what looked like a short, stubby, purple screwdriver handle.

‘Do you like it?’

‘I’m not sure. What is it? It looks like a screwdriver that’s missing the screw bit.’

‘Not missing.’ He took the thing from me and twisted the end off. ‘They’re all stored in here, and each bit has two ends. It’s like a dozen screwdrivers in one. And it’s the right colour, isn’t it?’

‘Yeah. Purple’s my favourite.’ I fiddled with the screwdriver and tried to feel excited about it.

I guess it was flattering, and thoughtful.

Clearly Stu saw me as a practical, capable woman rather than some silly, fluffy thing who needed sparkly presents to hold her attention. ‘Thank you.’ I gave him a weak smile.

‘So you like it?’ His face was as eager and excited as Jasper’s when someone said a certain W word.

‘Umm... yeah.’ I was confused. Stu seemed really pleased with himself over a tool. Overly so.

‘Good. Because you’re going to have to use it a lot.’

‘I am?’

‘Yeah.’ Stu took my hands in his. ‘The thing is, I’ve got a confession to make.’

‘Really?’ I watched him warily.

‘Yeah. It’s a bit embarrassing really. I’ve never told a girl this before.’

‘You can tell me anything.’ Just please don’t let this be some weird sex thing. I braced myself mentally.

‘I’m really, really bad at putting together flat-pack furniture.’

‘What?’ I laughed with relief.

‘Flat-pack furniture. You know, like the stuff you get from IKEA?’

I nodded, still confused.

‘Well, I suck at putting it together. I mean I really, really suck at it. I just struggle to see how the pieces fit. I hoped you’d do better, being creative like you are.’

‘I... guess I’m all right at it.’ I shook my head.

‘Brilliant.’ Stu’s face lit up in a grin and he grabbed my hand.

I followed him to his spare room and peered around the door.

The tiny room had been cleared of its usual random collection of junk and drying clothes, and instead was filled with boxes that had barcodes and heavy lifting warnings all over them.

Stu wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder.

‘There’s a wardrobe, some more shelves, and another set of drawers.

They should match the desk under the pile of CDs and books in the corner.

It’s not much, but you’d have your own space, and I think we could fit another chest of drawers in the bedroom.

’ He spun me round to face him. ‘So what do you think?’ His eyes filled with laughter, distracting me.

‘Well, it’s about time you tidied up. I always thought it was a bit wasteful to have a room filled with junk in a place this small.

’ Stu grinned at me again. Why did he look so pleased with himself?

My mushy, overtired brain finally caught up with the conversation.

My own space ? ‘Oh my God, Stu is this...’ I took a deep breath. ‘Is this for me?’

‘And she finally gets it.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, this is for you, if you want it.’ He brushed my hair back out of my eyes and tucked it behind my ear. ‘Move in with me Lottie.’

‘Are you serious?’

‘Serious enough to trek all the way to the store, buy this lot and drag it all back here. So, what do you say?’

I desperately wanted to say yes, but it was so fast. I’d never even thought about getting this serious with a guy before, and here was one I really liked asking me to move in with him. I chewed the edge of my thumbnail, playing for time. ‘It’s a bit further out than I’d been looking at.’

‘True, but you know the tube station is nearby, and it’s really only forty minutes or so for you to get back into the city, if you need it for work.

If you get more fashion and newspaper shoots, which you will, because you’re amazing.

And forty minutes is much less time than you’d spend in a bar job you’d need to work in order to pay for a more expensive flat you won’t even like.

What do you say, Lottie — do you want to move in with me? ’

‘I don’t know,’ I whispered. ‘What if it doesn’t work out?’

‘Well, then you’d be in the same position as you are now, and you’d just move in with your dad anyway.

But Lottie?’ His eyes glinted wickedly and I felt tingles race through me.

‘What if it does work out? It might. And just imagine how much fun it’s going to be finding out.

..’ He teased his lips down my neck and my knees went weak. ‘So, what do you think?’