Page 29 of Life After Me

Bloody hell. Was this how Lucy felt? No wonder she’d been trying to get me to decide.

If she felt even a fraction of this, then having me bumble around unable to tell her whether or not we had a future together must have been sheer agony.

She really is incredible. If she’d hurt me like this, I don’t think I could have even looked at her without feeling pain and anger every time.

I had spent so much time worrying about myself, I’d barely stopped to think that the situation might be hurting her too.

I think I’d rather have my heart ripped out through my throat than hurt her anymore.

I had to get home and apologise. I’d been a complete arse.

The air around me had filled with amusement, and I knew Mum was laughing along with me. I’d finally got the point and realised what I should have known all along.

* * *

The rest was easy. I guess that means it was the right thing to do. By the time I got home my heart was pounding, though I think it was more because of what I was about to do than because I had just run all the way back.

I crept up the stairs and to the room I usually shared with Lucy.

The door creaked as it opened, and I froze as she turned over in bed.

A shaft of light hit her face and I swear my heart skipped a beat.

She’s so beautiful, sweet and kind. She could have anyone in the world, but she chose me. I can’t believe she chose me.

I crept into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. ‘Luce?’ I shook her gently. ‘Luce, wake up. I need to talk to you.’

She moaned and opened her eyes, squinting against the light. ‘Matty? What on earth? I thought you were still at your dad’s.’

‘I just got back. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you, but I need to talk to you.’

‘Can’t it wait?’ She squinted at the alarm clock.

‘No. It can’t. I’m an idiot, an arsehole and an inconsiderate bastard. I don’t deserve you.’

‘I’m not going to argue with you, if that’s what you’re waiting for.’

‘I know I’ve hurt you Luce, and I am so, so sorry.

I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

There are a hundred reasons why you should say no, and I can only think of one why you should say yes, but.

.. I love you, Lucy. I want you as part of my life.

For ever and ever. You are my life. I’m an utter moron for taking this long to realise it, but Lucy, please don’t leave me. ’

‘You are an idiot, and a moron, and a lot more besides.’

‘Agreed.’

‘But I love you too.’ She buried her face in my shoulder, and I could feel her shaking. ‘But what about the job?’

‘You should take it. You’ve worked hard for it, and you deserve it. I’ll come with you. If you’ll let me.’

Lucy chewed her bottom lip. ‘But what about your job? You’ve worked hard to get where you are.’

‘I don’t care.’ I laughed. ‘I’ll get a transfer, or another job.

It’s just a job, Lucy. I can find another.

I can’t find another you, there’s only you for me.

You said you love me. Do you love me enough to forgive me?

’ She nodded against my shoulder. ‘I need to hear you say it.’ I brushed her hair away from her face and smoothed it down her back.

‘Yes. I love you enough.’ Lucy smiled softly, and my heart warmed.

‘Enough to marry me?’

‘What?’

‘Marry me. I’m asking you to marry me, Lucy.’

Her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed. ‘Not good enough.’

‘What?’ That wasn’t the answer I’d been expecting. Panic grabbed at me.

‘I’m not going to give you an answer unless you ask me properly.’ She kicked back the duvet and swung her long legs round until she was sitting on the edge of the bed. She pointed to the floor with a wicked grin. ‘On your knees.’

‘All right.’ I shrugged and got down on one knee.

I owed her this and a hell of a lot more.

‘Lucy Anne Kingsley, I have loved you since the month I first met you.’ I caught her fingers in mine.

‘You make me feel like the luckiest man who’s ever lived just by smiling at me.

You light up my entire life. These last few years have been a complete roller-coaster ride, but I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you.

I’d like to spend every day from here until eternity making you feel as special and as loved as you deserve.

If you’ll let me. Lucy, will you marry me? ’

‘Of course I will.’ She flung her arms around me and kissed me thoroughly, her body warm and welcoming against mine as she moulded herself against me in that delicious way she does. God, I love this woman.

I didn’t even think as my hands slipped around her waist, tangling in the soft T-shirt she’d worn to bed, so I could pull her more tightly against me.

The taste, smell and feel of her was maddening and soothing all at the same time — and all I could think was how much more of her I wanted.

.. needed... for ever. And she’d just agreed to give it to me!

It wasn’t until her hands started tugging at my shirt that I realised I had something else I needed to do. I pushed her away with a groan. It took every ounce of my strength, but I wasn’t finished yet.

‘Wait. Wait. There’s something else.’ I flicked the lamp on.

‘What?’

‘This.’ I fumbled with my coat and pulled out the ring.

‘Wasn’t that your mum’s?’ Lucy’s breath caught in her throat as she stared at the ring in my fingers.

‘Yeah. She’d have wanted you to have it.’ My eyes widened as a horrible thought occurred to me. ‘Unless you don’t like it. I can get something else if you don’t.’

‘No.’ Lucy smiled and held out her hand. ‘I think it’s perfect.’ She gasped when I slid the gold band around her finger. ‘Look, it even fits.’ She pulled me back against her and kissed me again, before pulling me even closer.

That was it. I was gone. All rational thought vanished from my mind as Lucy kissed me again, before pulling me into bed for the most fantastic make-up sex of my life.

I could have drowned in her and been happy.

The last thing I remember thinking as I fell asleep, my arms wrapped tightly around her, was bloody hell, this woman’s going to be my wife.

* * *

Lucy moaned and wriggled against me, her long legs twisting round mine. She shifted uncomfortably and wriggled a hand out of bed. A blast of cold air shot between us.

‘Checking it’s still there?’

‘More like checking it was ever there, and that it really happened.’ Lucy smiled at me. ‘Are you sure about this?’

‘About you wearing Mum’s ring, or the whole thing?’

‘Both, I guess.’ Worry crossed her face.

‘I’m still sure. Are you?’

She groaned as she rolled over. ‘I’ve been sure about this for a year.’

‘A year?’

‘Yeah. That long weekend we spent down in the Lake District? I think I knew then and there that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.’

‘So you’ve just been hanging around for a year...’

‘Waiting for you to catch up with me.’ She nodded and wriggled closer. ‘Don’t worry. You’re worth the wait.’ She kissed me gently. ‘So, what was it that made up your mind?’

‘Well... you might think I’m a bit crazy, but... Mum did.’ I pulled her closer and told her everything.

* * *

Lottie

Oh. My. God. I swear when I get hold of Matty that I’m going to kill him.

What type of person rings up their little sister in the middle of the night, worries her sick asking weird questions, then hangs up and turns off his phone?

And what happened when I’d finally found the number to the landline?

It just rang and rang and rang. The bastard must have unplugged it.

I’m gonna rip him a new hole. I’m gonna freaking well skin him alive.

I’ve left him about a dozen angry messages, including two on Lucy’s phone.

If he doesn’t get back to me soon I’m gonna jump in my car and drive all the way up there, just so I can have the pleasure of beating the crap out of him.

Stu’s been trying to calm me down, but I just couldn’t settle enough to go back to bed.

Every time I closed my eyes, horrible images of Matty jumping off a bridge or something crashed into my mind.

I’ll tell you what, he’d bloody better have.

It’ll save me the murder charge when I do get my hands on him.

Stuart pushed a steaming cup of tea into my hands.

‘I thought you finished the milk in one of the dozens of cuppas you made last night?’

‘I did.’ He shrugged. ‘But you didn’t drink half of them, so I found the least scummy looking one and nuked it in the microwave.’

‘Umm, thanks.’ I stared at the cup suspiciously. Somehow the death skull staring back at me didn’t fill me with confidence. ‘What are you drinking?’ I glanced at his steaming mug.

‘Black coffee.’ He grinned back.

When my mobile finally did ring, I jumped so far I spilled the tea all over myself. ‘Answer it, just answer it!’ I yelled while trying to mop the scalding hot tea out of my lap. ‘Oh get away, Jasper.’ I shoved the dog’s head away while apologising to Stu for drenching his cushions.

‘Don’t worry,’ he whispered as he handed me my phone. ‘It’s easily cleaned.’

‘Charlotte?’ Lucy’s voice was tinny and far away, and I rolled my eyes. Barbie. Not the person I really wanted to talk to just now. ‘I just turned my phone back on and picked up some really peculiar messages. What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing, I was just trying to find Matty.’

‘He’s in the shower.’ For some reason Barbie sounded almost pleased with herself.

Bloody great. I’ve been worrying myself sick for hours, and he’s in the freaking shower. This had better be really, really good.

‘Do you want me to go get him?’ Barbie asked, all helpful.

‘No, just get him to call me back when he’s done. He’s all right though?’

‘He’s brilliant,’ Barbie trilled happily.

‘Thanks.’ I sighed tiredly. Whatever had happened last night, Matty was all right. At least he would be until I got my hands on him.

‘Well?’ Stu raised his eyebrows in question.

‘He’s fine.’ I gave Stu a tired smile. ‘Apparently he’s in the shower.’

‘Fair enough.’ Stu held his arms out to me, and I sank into them tiredly. ‘But do I still get to be pissed off with him for upsetting you?’

‘Yeah.’ I rested against his shoulder. ‘I think that’s OK.’

Eventually my phone started to jingle and buzz and flash with Matty’s image. ‘You’ve got five seconds to explain last night before I start yelling at you.’

‘Yeah, sorry about that. Guess I was pretty thoughtless.’

‘Two seconds.’ I took a deep breath.

‘I asked Lucy to marry me.’

I fumbled and had to scoop him back off the floor. ‘Sorry, dropped the phone. And?’

‘And I said yes!’ Barbie’s voice squealed, deafening even from hundreds of miles away.

‘Oh, wow. That’s... not what I was expecting. I guess maybe I don’t get to yell at you.’ I remembered myself. ‘Congratulations.’

‘Thanks.’ I could hear the smile in his voice. ‘But listen, don’t tell anyone else yet. I... we . . . want to do it ourselves.’

‘Of course.’ I settled back more comfortably, took a gulp of the microwaved tea and grimaced. ‘So what on earth was last night all about? Was it this?’

‘Sort of. You know how you showed me those pictures of Mum, and said that you thought she’d been moving your things?’

‘And you laughed and ripped the mick outta me?’ I snapped back.

‘Only at first. And now I’m really sorry about that, sis. But... you have to know how crazy it must have sounded. But I get it now.’

‘Really?’ I was starting to wonder if my brother had been brainwashed. Or discovered drugs. First the weird phone call, then proposing to Barbie, and now apologising to me and admitting I was right about something.

‘Yeah. I think . . . no scratch that . . . I know she’s been with me.’

‘And?’ I was so excited I started pacing. Jasper yapped excitedly and started following me up and down.

‘And she helped me work a few things out. Everything really. Oh my God, it was amazing, Lottie. Her presence was so strong. It was like she was hugging me and telling me everything was going to be all right. She helped me work out what to do about Lucy and—’

‘Hold up. What do you mean, what to do about Lucy?’

‘Oh, we’d been having some problems. She’s been offered a really good job near York, and I was trying to figure out what to do about it. Anyway, Mum...’

Barbie and Matty were in danger of splitting up? I know I don’t really love her, but she made Matty happy, so that was good enough for me. ‘Why is this the first I’m hearing of this?’

Matty sighed down the phone and I grimaced, expecting a “Big Brother Lecture”. ‘Charlotte, you’re my little sister. I’m here to look out for you, not to whinge about my own problems.’

‘Matthew David Hughes, you are ten kinds of stupid! You really are the most arrogant, pig-headed, stupid, dim-witted idiot I’ve ever known.’

‘Hey, I thought you weren’t going to yell at me.’

‘Well I didn’t know how stupid you’d been! I’m not a little kid, Matty. And I’m clearly smarter than you. You should freaking well talk to me about things like this. No wonder you’ve been so weird lately.’

‘Do you want to stop calling me stupid long enough for me to tell you about Mum’s visit or not?’ Smart git knew that was about the only way to shut me up.

‘All right. But I’m nowhere near done on this topic.’

‘Whatever.’ He brushed my anger aside. ‘Anyway, Mum left me a little present too.’

‘Her engagement ring.’ Everything suddenly added up.

‘Yeah.’

‘Bloody hell.’

‘Yeah I know.’

‘So Lucy’s going to be my sister-in-law? I guess I’d better stop calling her Barbie.’

‘Yeah. You can knock that right off.’

‘Fairy snuff.’

‘What?’

‘Fairy snuff. As in fair e-nough. Try to keep up. Anyway, tell me more about Mum.’ I sat back down and took another sip of the nuked tea. It really wasn’t all that bad.