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Malia

I’m calm.

I’m focused.

Well, I’m trying to be calm and focused, at least.

On the inside, I’m freaking out.

I’m glad Keahi is next to me, so I’m not alone, but I hate that he’s here.

This is dangerous and I’m worried sick about him.

Today should have been our day. The day we hit our milestone and moved in together, not the day we die in a random fight. We don’t even know what exactly we’re fighting for.

He has Wystan.

I keep telling myself that.

He has a partner who’ll look out for him. Me too, of course, but if I’m going into this first, I might not always see him.

I doubt Arcane’s guards have ever learned about battle strategies or formations, so this could get messy really quickly.

"I’ll try to talk to them once they’re in sight.

Which should be soon because they’re walking too and my bird is telling me we’re no more than two hundred yards away," Flint tells us.

200 yards? That is so close, and we can’t even see them. My heart is racing. Why does this forest have to be so damn dense?

"Stop," Flint says suddenly when we reach the edge of a small valley.

I do and hear the guards behind us stilling as well.

Everyone seems to be holding their breath as we try to see what Flint already has. There, in the far, I can see what looks like a white wall amidst the trees and bushes. Our enemies have stopped walking too.

"Who are you? This doesn’t have to end in death, we can talk this out," Flint yells.

I grit my teeth.

I wonder what he’s doing. He’s making us look weak by saying that. Scared, even.

There’s more silence for a moment before there’s a whistling sound that ends in a nasty crack.

I know that sound without turning.

An arrow hitting its mark. Behind me, thank the stars it wasn’t next to me, a guard falls to his knees screaming as he clutches the arrow embedded in his thigh. There are a few screams of outrage while I fall into step. Then, the people beside and behind me follow until even the enemies are running. The whole forest seems to be shaking with the many heavy footsteps thundering.

If there was ever a time to use everything my parents taught me, it’s now.

I make icicles materialize in the air around me and let them slice through the air.

The first two bury themselves right inside two enemies’ chests, but that’s all I get.

They’re learning fast, and by my third attack, my supposed victim has already figured out a way to block the oncoming icicle.

They’re twenty-five yards away and the distance is shrinking quickly.

I start throwing my knives and three more ghosts go down because of me.

Others have dropped, presumably dead, too, so our guards are using what they’ve learned against the Shadow Handlers. It’s weird, when I tried to kill an enemy like that, he stayed unaffected. They’re definitely handlers, I must’ve tried it against a water one.

I hear more weapons being unsheathed as we near the middle of the valley and pull my sword.

Right then, I see a flick of light in front of me and only barely have time to block the enemy’s blade with my own.

He swings at my head again, giving me an opening, so I duck before sliding my blade across his stomach with all my strength. It’s disgusting, truly. His innards spill out and he drops almost instantly.

I don’t have time for regret as another person comes at me already.

She’s using twin daggers and is giving me a hard time to block her attacks from both sides.

Only when I slice off one of her hands and she screams out in pain do I have an opening to finish her off.

I hate what I’m doing.

What we’re doing.

There’s so much blood covering the dead leaves on the ground, it makes me want to double over. It’s not only our enemies’, though. I see bodies in black uniforms littering the ground just as the ones in white.

I don’t even have it in me to look for Keahi.

He’s fine, I’m sure he is.

I don’t see or hear him over all this commotion, but I’d know if he were dead. I’m sure I would.

I’m not sure how long we fight like this, but there are more people on the ground than still standing.

I get a moment to breathe after killing yet another enemy when someone taps my shoulder.

I whirl around with my sword in hand, but my blow gets blocked.

"It’s me, psycho! We’re retreating," Wystan tells me hurriedly.

“Keahi?” I ask, unable to stop myself.

“He knows.

Come on!” they urge before turning around to run up the valley.

I follow them, only turning to look back when we reach the top of the valley. Flint is already up here, and I faintly notice more of our guards coming, twigs and dead leaves rustling underneath their boots. Our enemies don’t seem to be following.

The view from up here is horrifying.

There are limps missing the rest of their bodies scattered around, and the once-white uniforms are splattered or even drenched in blood.

I don’t waste my time looking at that, though, as I’m solely focused on the one figure still fighting. Keahi. He’s at the bottom of the valley, busy in a one-on-one.

He’s holding his left arm close to his chest but seems fine other than that.

He stabs his opponent in the chest, and they fall limp on the ground.

"Keahi! Get up here!" Wystan yells.

They’re loud enough for him to hear as he turns around.

He starts running in the next moment, and my heart is thundering. He’s fine. We’re both fine!

The enemies are gathering at the bottom of the valley, looking ready for a possible second attack.

I don’t pay them much mind as I keep looking at the man running up the valley.

He’s holding my gaze, a smile spreading on his face.

Then, "Look out!" Wystan yells.

I see it too; two enemies jump out from behind a tree only feet away from Keahi.

He’s too slow to react, his head whirling in their direction before his blade does to block an attack, and before anyone can move, one of the ghosts runs his sword through Keahi’s stomach.

For a second that lasts forever, Keahi remains standing still.

So much so that I think time might’ve come to a halt.

My ears start ringing as I watch him there with the enemies, the tip of the ghost’s sword peeking out of his back. Then, time catches up with us and the ghost pulls his blade back, letting Keahi collapse backward like a sack of potatoes. He falls slowly, and when he finally hits the ground, he rolls back down the hill in a heap.

I can’t make sense of what I’m seeing.

It’s a simple scene, but my brain seems unable to catch up.

Keahi’s running up the hill, isn’t he? He’s coming here to take me home. We’re going home. But why is he lying limp at the bottom of the valley?

Finally, after what seems like forever but can only have been short seconds, a whimper comes from somewhere to my right and I realize what is happening.

Keahi’s wounded.

He’s wounded and I’m still so far away. Panic seizes my body.

I start sprinting back down the valley, but before I can get too far, I’m tackled to the ground.

I thrash underneath the person, grabbing, kicking, and scratching at whatever I can reach.

"Malia, stop!" It’s Wystan.

Wystan is keeping me on the ground when they should be running to help Keahi as well.

"He needs help! Let me go!" I scream.

I manage to throw them off, still screaming, but when I try to run, I find I’m paralyzed.

"Stop, please! Help!" I screech helplessly.

Keahi’s lying unmoving at the bottom of the valley.

Why isn’t he moving up?

"Wystan help him! Let me go! Help!" No matter how hard I protest or try to move, nothing happens.

No one runs to Keahi’s help, and not a single muscle of mine obeys my command to get to him.

This can’t be happening. He was so close! He’ll get back up and run to me. He’ll be right back! He has to!

But the only thing that happens is that my vision gives up on me and darkness takes over.

It was a dream.

That’s why my eyelids are so heavy; it was only a dream.

I’ll wake up now and Keahi will be at my side.

I open my eyes with a lot of effort.

It’s still dark outside.

Good, in my dream, it was daytime. It was just a dream.

I quickly notice that I’m not in Keahi’s home.

Of course, I think, I slept in my cell because it was the last night before my move.

My move. Right. I finally get to go home today.

I rub my eyes and sit up.

My lights are on, and I quickly catch sight of the two people in my room.

Flint and Wystan. Why would they be here? They both look as bad as I feel, and Wystan seems to be- but that’s impossible- crying?

"What are you doing here? What is going on?" If they’re here, in their bloody uniforms and all, that means – No, it was a dream.

"Malia," Flint tries to start, but I’m already shaking my head, a lump forming in my throat and panic rising in my chest.

"I’m so sorry." I keep shaking my head.

This can’t be true.

"Where’s Keahi?" I demand as I get to my feet.

"We didn’t go back yet," he explains softly.

He can’t mean what I think he means.

He can’t be saying what I think he is.

"Where is he, Flint? Take me to him!" I yell over the lump in my throat.

A chill spreads through my bones, making me shake all over.

"I can’t do that, I’m sorry," he insists, his voice uncharacteristically soft and defeated.

I reject his words.

His tone too. I don’t let what he’s trying to express get to me, turning to my old friend anger instead. Anger at Flint’s acting as an obstacle between me and the man that I love. A man that is fine because he has to be. I need him to be.

"Tell me you’re sorry one more time and I’ll feed you your own tongue! Take me to him!" I demand.

"Malia, you need to calm down." He takes a slow step towards me as if heading over to offer me comfort, but I shy away from him.

The defeated look on his face scares me.

A tremor takes up my limbs as I fight back tears. I don’t need them. Keahi is fine.

"No, take me to him! I want to see him!" I want to hear him; I want to make sure he is fine, and it was only a dream.

I want to breathe in his scent as he holds me close and tells me everything is okay.

"We’ll go back for the bodies later," Flint tells me, making me flinch at his words.

The bodies.

Keahi is not a body, he’s fine. He’s strong. There’s no way he’s gone. No way those ghosts took him from me when he promised me we would move in together today.

I cling to my denial even as the excuses splinter one by one.

"You’re lying.

I need to see him. Please, take me to him!" I beg, my voice breaking on the plea. Feeling the first tear roll down my cheek, I swallow drily and turn my back to the people in my room. Why am I begging them to take me to him. I can find Keahi myself. I always have so far.

I grab the handle of my door and try to leave, only to find it locked.

I pull and push with everything I’ve got, but the damn door won’t budge.

"Malia, stop," Flint orders silently when I start throwing my body against the door in a desperate attempt to break through it.

I need to get through it to get to Keahi.

He needs my help. Like the night he was attacked by the Shadow Handler’s at home. He would have died, but I saved him. I can do it again. I have to do it again.

The tremor intensifies until I lose all feeling in my limbs.

"Let me out! I need to see him!" I scream through the shaky words.

When no one replies and complies, I whirl around to face them. "Tell me it’s not true!" No one says anything. They just look at me sadly, not doing anything.

I shake my head again and turn back to the door.

My hands are trembling too hard to use the handle, so I start punching the door.

I have to get to Keahi. They’re lying. I’ll get to Keahi, and he’ll hold me again.

Today is our day.

He’ll take me home and we’ll be fine.

I finally get to have a home.

"Malia, stop before I knock you out again," Wystan finally says when I start painting the door red with my blood.

I don’t care about the blood or the pain though.

I’ll break every knuckle, every single bone in my body if it gets me to Keahi.

And yet, their voice is enough to gain my attention.

"You!" I turn to them.

"How dare you! You are his partner! Why are you here instead of helping him? It’s your job to help him and keep him safe! Do something!" I yell shakily.

Finally, they listen to my words and follow my order.

They do something, but it isn’t what I need them to do.

Instead, they finish the distance between us and pull me into their arms.

“You said he knew.

You said he knew we were retreating,” I keep blubbering against their strong chest, feeling my composure shatter.

“You said he was coming. I thought he was coming. I never would have left him otherwise. I abandoned him.” In his last moments, I abandoned him. That can’t be right. I never would have done that.

"I got you," they whisper while I shake my head against them, fighting the embrace.

"He’s fine.

You’re lying," I whisper.

"He’s gone," they argue, their voice final and firm.

Steady.

It gets through to me, sneaks its way past my ringing ears and spears me right through the chest. The denial I’ve been clinging to slips through my fingers, leaving me raw and exposed to the unbearable truth. My knees buckle beneath me, and Wystan follows me to the ground, still holding me tightly. But it’s no use.

I want to tell them to let go because if Keahi is gone, there is nothing that can hold me together.

Nothing that can mend the pieces of my fraying mind like he could.

I thought I was lost after years at the camp, but he brought me back. Filled my hollow chest with love and tenderness and hope once more. This is worse than those years, and without him, there’s no one to save me.

I want to tell them to make it stop because with his light gone, my heart is being drowned by this oppressive darkness.

I wish I could tell them to make the pain go away, but I can’t speak.

Hysterical sobs rack my body, and there is nothing I can do to get a handle on them.

This can’t be true.

But it is.

I know it is.

I saw it with my own eyes. Keahi is dead.

My heart is withering and writhing in my chest, dying a slow death as the memory of him pierced by the sword replays in my mind.

The way his powerful steps faltered in surprise.

The way his muscles gave out on him and made him roll back down the hill, taking him so far out of my reach.

I feel my body give out on me in a similar way right now, eager to follow him.

My flesh and muscles are ripping and tearing while my bones are still trying to keep me in one piece, try to keep the weight of my dead insides off my lungs so I can keep breathing, but I can’t.

I can’t breathe.

"I can’t breathe." I’m panicking, barely getting the words out.

Nothing is as it’s supposed to be.

"I got you," Wystan whispers one more time before they put me out of my misery and the darkness takes over again.