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Keahi

"Guess who’s finally allowed to go on missions.

That’s right! I’ve convinced Flint we’re ready," Wystan says excitedly as soon as they spot me coming closer to our makeshift training area in the woods.

"Great, do you know when or what our first one will be?" I’m still confused about how this will work, but I try to match my partner’s enthusiasm.

"Just watch at first.

I think we’re stuck with night shifts for now, but we’ve got to start somewhere.

At least we don’t have to worry about the struggles of being active partners yet."

Even as I nod, I think of how unfortunate this is.

Guards on watch are disappearing and it seems we’re next in line to have targets on our backs.

As much as I hated the thought of not warning fellow guards before, the nagging voice is now getting louder knowing the position I’ll put my only friend in by not telling them the truth. Shit.

I don’t think the bodies of the guards have been found, which is not necessarily a good thing.

If there’s one thing I know, it’s that there are faiths worse than death.

How could Flint be okay with this? Sending his subordinates out on missions without telling them to proceed with heightened caution?

I can’t betray Malia’s trust.

She’s worked harder than anyone else to get where she is now so how could I possibly jeopardize that? I can’t.

This sucks.

"I don’t know about you, but I’ll go home and take a nap.

Got to get some sleep if I’m supposed to stay up all night with only you for company.

Honestly, you don’t want to be around me when I’m tired. My tolerance for bullshit is below zero."

"Like it isn’t always," I tease them, trying to drown out the pestering voice of my conscience.

They push me a little before telling me goodbye, leaving me to find a new way to spend my time.

Seeing as Malia’s busy, I go back home.

Not even too long ago, my life consisted exclusively of missions and waiting in between, but now, I can’t think of one thing to help me pass the time.

I pick up multiple books until I give up on that idea.

My thoughts are spinning, so it’s no use.

I turn my TV on instead to drown out the noise.

I’m still conflicted, though.

How can I go on this mission knowing it might be dangerous? Not that I’m afraid of a little danger, it’s just problematic when I let my partner walk into it blindsided.

It’s a betrayal, of some sort. We’re partners and that job includes looking out for each other to the best of our capacities.

On the other hand, I would betray Malia by sharing the information she’s risked her neck to be able to share with me.

What if she never knows? I could tell Wystan and make sure she’d never learn about it.

Flint said there’ll be a convention about it soon, so everyone will know eventually either way. If Wystan knew a little earlier, it should be no problem, right? My gut churns even as I try to talk this plan pretty in my head.

I need to be professional.

Worst case scenario if I tell Wystan is that Malia is pissed at me.

That can be fixed.

If I don’t tell Wystan and we’re being attacked by surprise, they could die.

There would be no fixing that.

Plus, Malia would be pissed if I let Wystan die too, so that would be a lose-lose.

It’s settled then.

I’ll casually tell Wystan there might be trouble while we’re on watch and that’s it.

No one will be affected, no harm will be done.

I meet Wystan later on with that in mind.

"Nap well?" I ask.

"Like a cat, you?" I shrug rather than reveal I didn’t catch a wink.

They don’t pester me about it and we get moving.

We’re stationed somewhere in the city. Not sure where, so I let Wystan take the lead.

A few hours later, once the sun has fully set and my awareness and energy have started dwindling, I decide to let the cat out of the bag.

I’m at a point where I’m not confident I could make all the difference if we were attacked, so they need to know.

"There’s something I need to tell you. You’re not supposed to know, and neither am I, technically, so you have to keep it to yourself, understand?" My partner nods curtly, probably sensing that something serious is coming. Still, I feel the need to have more reassurance than that. “You need to promise,” I urge.

“Fine, I promise.

Now go on, you’re freaking me out,” they say.

Hesitantly, I go on, "Guards on watch have been disappearing.

No one knows why or how.

Just thought I’d let you know so you won’t let your guard down."

Despite my saying it nonchalantly, Wystan’s head whips around.

"Back up.

Since when? How do you know? And how come I haven’t heard about this?"

"I don’t know, Malia told me, and apparently Flint is trying to keep it a secret until he knows what’s going on."

"That’s totally illogical.

If more people knew, there’d be a bigger chance of solving the mystery.

Besides, how can Flint just let his guards continue working cluelessly? Son of a bitch. We have to warn the others." The conviction in their voice is enough to make my stomach cramp. They sound too resolute, too invested already. I can tell they’d break their promise to spill the beans.

"We can’t.

Malia wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, and neither was I.

She’ll get into trouble."

"Keahi, with all due respect, I do not care if Malia gets into trouble.

People are going missing, probably dying.

How can you possibly think that is less important than one person getting a slap on the wrist?

“I get that you love her or whatever, but the guards going missing have loved ones too.

If you expect me to just sit back and let that happen then think again.

I’ll leave Malia’s name out of this, for your sake, not hers, but that’s the best I can do.” Oh, I’ve done it now, haven’t I?

"Listen, I understand what you’re saying but they’re having a meeting about it.

Flint will tell everyone soon.

Please just wait for that to happen so no one gets hurt," I try to reason with them. Honestly, I think they’re right, but I also made a promise to Malia. I can’t let this fuck her current position up, not after everything.

But there are lives at stake.

I can literally see the big, fat, M-shaped black cloud in front of my judgement.

"No one but the missing people and their friends and families.

Sorry partner, but you’ve misplaced your trust if you expected me to let this slide to protect Malia.

I hate to break a promise, but I have to do the right thing here. I can’t let others experience the same loss as me if I can possibly help." I place my head in my hands and aggressively pull at my hair.

"I know," I mumble.

Maybe someone will have information about this, and Flint will forget all about punishing Malia.

That’s not too unlikely, is it? Maybe someone has noticed something but just hasn’t known it was important or couldn’t connect the dots without all the information.

Besides, what could Flint possibly do? He cares about Malia, so much has been established. She’ll be fine.

Wystan is already on their phone doing I-don’t-know what.

Other than that, our shift seems to be passing smoothly.

When I finally get home early in the morning, I regret having told Wystan.

It wasn’t relevant.

It could have been, but in the end, it wasn’t. And now, Malia will have to suffer the consequences.

If I weren’t so unbelievably drained, I’d go to Malia right now.

I should at least have the decency to tell her how I messed up myself.

Like that she can prepare herself or whatever.

Yeah, I should totally call her.

I’ll just lie down really quickly.

Then I’ll call her.

Just close my eyes for a moment...