Page 36

Malia

After a very long night of acting halfway pleasant and dancing with more than just one snake, I’m finally in my room changing out of this nightmare of a dress.

As pretty and intricate it may be, it’s horrible in terms of taking it off by oneself.

The ties lacing the back keep getting tangled and stuck as I try to free myself, and it’s doing wonders for my already frayed nerves.

I danced with Keahi.

I teased him.

Why do I keep indulging him? I should know better, but every time an opportunity arises, I act before my brain can sign off on the action. It’s a dangerous game and one I’m not sure I can get the upper hand in. Not when every such interaction leaves me reeling for hours, my emotions spanning from disgust at myself to misplaced, foolish, long-forgotten longing.

The way he speaks to me, giving me compliments and then completely ignoring my jabs.

The sure way he touches me, as if he knew just the right amount of pressure to put in his grip, the right spot to brush his thumb over.

It’s messing with my head.

With my plans.

He left you to rot.

You saved his life and he abandoned you while you were tortured for over a year.

Remember the pain he’s caused. Remember what they did to you because you wanted to protect him.

I don’t ever dwell on my time in that dark cell.

Never.

Just like I’d never let myself think of my “dead parents” while I was at the academy, those memories are locked in an airtight vault in the twisted far end of my mind. Maybe that’s why it’s so tempting to fall back into an old pattern with Keahi. Because I try not to remember all the reasons to hate him, and there are many, so many moments in that cell he never tried saving me from.

I finally manage to rip the endless feet of fabric from my skin, revealing scars that don’t seem to have a starting or finishing point all over the lower part of my body.

Those are the reasons, I think to myself and force my eyes to take in every last one of them.

I remember how I got some of them quite vividly while others’ backstories are lost to me in an ocean of pain and delirium in that cell.

I glance at my shoulder and run a fingertip over the jagged skin of my newest scar.

The latest reminder. Never again. I can’t go back on that chair ever again. Not for him.

Something wet drops onto my naked skin right next to the scar, and I touch my cheek to find the trail of a sole tear.

I wipe at it angrily.

I don’t cry. I am better than that, stronger.

I remind myself of what’s important.

What I’m still doing this for.

My revenge. I’m not ready to defeat my parents yet, but I have to be soon because I won’t take this again. I can’t cower again. I won’t ever go back into that room. I feel it in my bones. One more time and I’ll snap. I’ve given enough. Done enough. It’s my time to take. It has to be, soon. Right?

I’m changing into more casual clothes when my door slams open.

I jump and turn to see my mother striding toward me, her face set in a determined sneer.

My stomach plummets and my feet take three involuntary steps back on instinct. Still, I don’t have the time or space to flee, so she reaches me. She grabs me by the shoulders and starts shaking me frantically, the determination bleeding out of her expression and something unhinged replacing it. Her eyes look all wrong. Scarier than ever. Deranged.

"You know what the Coals just told me?” she starts, yelling and losing it like she’s never lost it before.

“They told me their son danced with you.

Seraphin, you remember? A fine young man. Handsome and well-raised. The biggest catch around. Do you know what he said about you? You were rude! The heir of one of the oldest and most respected families here and you are rude!" Her hand connects with my cheek and I take it with no complaint. Not because I’ve trained myself to do so, but because I’m shell-shocked. Paralyzed and caught off guard as my mother continues her ramble in a shrill and shaky voice. "I was mortified! Our only child and look what you are! An embarrassment! A disgrace!"

"No, I wasn’t rude.

I promise-" I cut off on a sharp inhale when a hot pain sears through my right side just below the ribs.

There’s a knife in my stomach. She stabbed me. She pulls it back out and I crouch down, clutching the wound. My mother pushes me as I go. I hit the ground and lean back to keep my eyes on her as I crawl backward.

"Please!" I beg, but it’s no use.

She’s going to kill me, I panic.

I’m going to die in this hellhole, and no one will miss me. I gasp for breath.

She kicks my stomach once, twice.

I stop counting when she throws whatever she finds at me while I’m curled up protectively on the ground.

“You are useless! A waste of space, recourses, and years of our lives!”

I am not sure when my father appears, but he finally wraps his arms around my mother and starts pulling her toward the door.

Lastly, she throws the knife she stabbed me with at me before getting dragged out of view.

The blade shoots toward my face with frightening accuracy and it’s all I can do to block it with my hand in my bout of panic.

I see the tip of it sticking out of my palm and cry out.

With a trembling hand, I pull it free, the terror still flooding my every cell.

I quickly throw on the uniform I never bothered to stow away and start running. I don’t know where I’m going. I have nowhere to go. But I can’t stay there. Not right now, I just can’t.

I said I wouldn’t cower and I did.

I can’t take them on.

I stumble through the forest almost blindly for what feels like forever before I catch sight of the first streetlight.

I’m dizzy and faint but try to calm myself.

If I don’t, the police might get involved and I can’t have that. I just need someone to take me in right now so I can heal my wound. As soon as I’m out of my parents’ reach, I need to focus on healing me, but I can’t do that here, looking over my shoulder every second.

I’ve come this far before only for them to jump out and drag me back to that cell in the last moment.

If they realize I’m gone, they’ll come for me.

I ring the bell of the first house I see.

No matter how bad it looks for me to walk around this way, I need to get off the streets.

I feel like at any moment, something will jump out of the bushes and drag me back. I look over my shoulder, paranoia digging its claws deeper into my frenzied mind. I ring the bell repeatedly until the door is finally ripped open, revealing the last person I expected.

"What on earth are you doing here?" Keahi looks alert and ready to fight.

I shoot another quick look over my shoulder and don’t answer before trying to get inside his apartment.

Being inside his home is bad. Possibly the worst thing that could have happened right after turning up at Arcane’s doorstep, but anything is better than going another round with my parents. I can’t take it right now. He blocks my way with an arm, and I tumble onto the steps behind me.

A sharp pain shoots up my spine, but I don’t wince.

I just need to get inside.

It will be fine once I am inside. I get back on my feet, ignoring the dizziness, and walk up to him.