Page 31

Keahi

I get a call from Flint late at night, but instead of sending me on a mission, he says he has something to tell me.

“Sounds mysterious.

Hit me,” I say, my voice humorous.

My superior is many things, but touchy-feely foreboding isn’t one of them. I wonder what’s gotten into him and what I could possibly have to do with it.

“Well, some of our guards had a run in with a group of Shadow Handlers tonight,” he trails off, not clearing anything up.

“And you felt bad for not sending your best guard over? I already heard about the alarm tonight.

I wasn’t in the area, I get it.”

“Every time I don’t talk to you for a while, I forget how far up your own ass your head is.

Now, will you listen to me? Your babysitter thought it very important that you be warned about this.” Babysitter?

“Who on earth is my babysitter?” I ask, but the answer dawns on me at the same time as he replies.

“Kaz.

Now listen-”

I interrupt him again.

“Kaz talked to you about me?” What on earth? I’ve been on the force for two and a half years and I’ve been doing well for myself.

The last thing I need is Kaz checking in with my superior. It’s convenient he’s never mentioned it to me when we’ve met up since I left the academy. Like I need a babysitter...

“Man, will you listen to me? Yes, Kaz called.

I just got off the phone with him.

No we don’t chat regularly, he hadn’t called me since you first joined. If you want to be mad at him for that, take it up with him and stop wasting my time. I’m just here to tell you they saw Malia tonight.”

All petty protests die a quick death on my tongue as the last bit of information registers.

My next words come very slowly, my voice just a little too serene to appear normal.

“I’m sorry, they saw what tonight?”

“Malia.

I was told you knew her quite well at the academy.

Didn’t you? Kaz seemed to think so.”

“They saw Malia? How? She’s dead.

She was dead,” I insist even as the phone starts shaking against my ear.

Malia is dead. She died four years ago because of me.

“Apparently, they were wrong about that.

The Dark Fraction never killed her.

They recruited her.”

“Recruited her? Malia?” I laugh humorlessly.

“That’s impossible.

You didn’t know her. She was the sweetest girl, top of every class. She was perfect. She’d never work with the Dark Fraction. Who identified her? They must’ve been mistaken.”

“Wystan identified her.

I was also told they were a close friend of Malia’s at the time.

Everyone seems to believe them so it must be true. Besides, Kaz told me not to tell you this but apparently, she’s always had some connection to the Dark Fraction. Some family member, I think.”

My room starts spinning.

“What are you saying, Flint?”

“I’m saying your perfect girl isn’t dead, she’s working with the enemy.

Don’t ask me about the details because I don’t know them.

All I need to know is whether this is going to be a problem for you.”

“A problem?” I mumble like a broken record.

“Yes, a problem, Keahi.

If you’re going to face off that girl, are you going to fight her like every other Shadow Handler or are we going to have a problem?” Fight Malia? I’d have to fight Malia? On an actual mission, not some innocent little duel at the academy.

Malia is a Shadow Handler?

None of this makes sense, but instead of saying that, I tell my superior what he wants to hear.

“There won’t be a problem, sir.”

“Good.

In that case, sleep tight.

I’ll call you when you’re needed. Oh, and maybe give Kaz a call sometime soon. I feel like he might have those answers you’re looking for.” He ends the call before I can get in another word, and I slump onto my couch like a balloon without air.

I can’t wrap my head around this.

Malia is alive.

The first coherent feeling that floods me is relief.

She wasn’t killed because I couldn’t defend myself at sixteen.

She’s fine, and healthy, and in one piece. Malia is alive. The guilt and grief that’s stuck to me like a second skin for four years lifts and I take the first deep breath in what feels like forever.

It’s just so hard to believe.

I can’t imagine her, the happy and brave girl, living amongst murderers and psychopaths.

What did she do to stay alive in the camp of the Dark Fraction for so long? And what was that talk of a family member in the Dark Fraction? I need to speak to Kaz.

I pick up my phone to call my former trainer, only to be interrupted when the doorbell rings.

Confused and on guard, I walk over to open it.

Speak of the devil.

“Kaz? I was just about to call you.

What are you doing here?”

“I figured.

I told Flint to call you to give me a head start.

This is a conversation better held in person.” He steps inside my place without an invitation, and I shut the door behind him numbly. The last twenty minutes are giving me some major whiplash.

“Uhm, do you want something to drink?” I ask stupidly.

“Nope, I’m all set, thank you.

Take a seat.” Okay, then.

I do as I’m told, my body following his command on instinct. “So, Flint told you about Malia?”

“That she’s alive and well and working for the enemy? Yes, he mentioned it, and quite frankly, I’m finding it hard to believe.

If I remember correctly, you were right there when she was taken.

It didn’t exactly look like a happy family reunion from where I was standing, but enlighten me. I’m just dying to know how the girl you told the entire school was dead was seen fighting her former classmates tonight.” My voice hardens as my confusion gets the better of me.

“I understand that this is hard for you to hear.

I don’t even know where to start.

You didn’t exactly took it well the last time we told you.” He trails off, looking chastised before I even take note of his words and their meaning.

“The last time?” I ask in a low voice.

“I don’t remember you talking to me about Malia after she die- after the was taken.”

“Shit, I didn’t mean to say that.

Not to start with, I mean.

Okay, how about I start from the beginning, and you don’t interrupt me until I got it all out? That sound good?” I nod slowly, even as my eyes narrow on the man opposite me. I sense that whatever’s about to leave his lips, I’m not going to like. The way he swallows and averts his eyes further confirms my hunch.

And so, he jumps into a tale about how Malia’s parents are Shadow Handlers, her mom Adira’s sister, and how they kidnapped her on her tenth birthday before she could be initiated.

How they made her forget about her background and how when she was taken by the Dark Fraction, they always knew she wouldn’t be harmed.

How they told me all of this before but then made me forget since I wanted to chase after her

Once he’s done, the house descends into a suffocating silence.

We both sit in it for several minutes; Kaz squirming and looking uncomfortable and me glaring at him as I try to process his words.

“You told me this before and made me forget? As in, you changed my memories? How is that possible?” My voice is stoic.

“It’s not something we like to resort to because of its ethical questionability and not many handlers know how to do it, but you should have seen yourself, kid.

You were about to be killed on a fool’s errand.

I couldn’t let that happen.”

“And I was better off thinking she was dead? I was miserable for the last two years at that Academy! I was tormented and wrecked with grief! You have no idea what it did to me, carrying around the knowledge that the girl I grew up with got herself killed because of my mistake! For fuck’s sake! I can’t believe you.

And then you went ahead and messed with my mind? That’s a horrible breach of privacy.” I blow out a harsh breath, driving my fingers over my shorn scalp.

If my hair were any longer, I’d probably rip it out right now.

“I know Keahi, I do.

But what do you want me to say? We never should have told you in the first place.

You couldn’t handle it at the time. You were so blinded by your emotions, you wanted to sneak out one night to go after her yourself. You didn’t believe us when we told you she’d be fine. But now you can see, can’t you? She’s not one of us anymore. She chose her family. You can let her go now.”

I nearly laugh at the notion.

Let her go.

She’s been a constant presence in the back of my mind when we were at the academy, and even more so after she was gone. I can’t even fathom where I’d have to start letting her go.

Still, I force myself to let Kaz’ words sink in.

To not reject them no matter how hard everything inside of me protests at the thought.

“You think she’s really one of them? I can’t imagine it,” I say slowly.

“They might’ve restored her memories after they got her back.

Maybe the background Adira created for her was what made her into the sweet girl we knew, and once the cover was blown, she bounced right back into the Shadow Handler child we rescued.

Tell me you understand that she’s not the girl you used to know. If you see her on a mission, you need to remember that.”

“Yeah.

I know.” But do I really? There’s a burn in my chest at the thought of the girl I used to know being gone like she never existed in the first place.

What would that even make her? A traitor? But if she was never supposed to be at Arcane in the first place, who would she have betrayed?

I’m getting a tension headache just thinking about it.

I shouldn’t care.

I haven’t seen the girl in over four years.

Was I infatuated with her at the time? Absolutely.

Have I been carrying her death with me like a missing limb? Positive. But she’s not dead; she’s well and has her own life, so maybe I just need to focus on my own.

I’m working and living alone.

I have one of the highest success rates on the guard, which is quite the achievement for a twenty-year-old, and it came from being available around the clock.

My apartment is far away from the city center and close to the woods. It’s more private here, and I’m less likely to seem suspicious when I sneak in and out at night.

I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted.

"Yes?" I answer my phone more impatiently than usual.

I’ve been on edge ever since the news about Malia reached me four days ago and it’s been showing.

No matter how hard I try to forget it and move on, it’s hard. Learning what you thought you knew was wrong and accepting a whole new truth isn’t that easy.

"Bank robbery, possibly Shadow Handlers.

I’ll send you the address," Flint instructs.

"On it." My spirits shoot through the roof as I grab my weapons and leave, excitement and adrenaline boosting me as I run to the bank.

The prospect of a fight, especially against Shadow Handlers never fails to have that effect.

Maybe I’ll see her tonight. Maybe then I’ll believe what they say.

I arrive at my destination a few minutes later, breathing deeply but still full of energy.

I assess the situation from my hiding place behind a nearby building, spying around the corner to see only a single person standing guard outside.

I smile. This is almost too easy.

It’s dark with all the streetlights turned off and the clouds mostly obscuring the moon.

That’s good since it minimizes the chance of possible by-passers seeing a fight.

Not that there are any people around, it being past office hours.

The street is quiet apart from a few dead leaves rustling in the wind.

I don’t try to conceal the sound of my steps, rather letting them announce my presence.

The person looks up as I come closer, and my confident strides falter, my heart skipping an involuntary beat as I recognize those blue eyes.

Blue eyes that widen at the sight of me for the shortest second before they shut any sort of reaction off.

Still, I saw it, and my lips twitch into a grin.

Old habits die hard.

Malia doesn’t seem to share my amusement or relief, but I can’t be sure.

While at one point, I might’ve been able to read her like a book, right now, I have no clue what is going on in her head.

Or her chest… Is her heart doing weird things like mine?

It doesn’t matter that she’s wearing the uniform of the enemy.

She doesn’t look like them.

She doesn’t feel like them, either. The absence of burning hatred in my veins is a clear indicator of that. I can’t even muster up any anger at her switching sides.

"I like what you did with your hair," I announce, noting that the jet-black strands now barely brush her shoulders when they used to be long down her back.

It’s beyond unprofessional to talk to her, especially to compliment her, but I’m feeling like a cocky sixteen-year-old again.

There’s a lightness to my mood that hasn’t existed since she was taken and I can’t find the will to shut it down. Malia pushes herself off the wall and straightens up.

She seems to have grown a few inches, leaving her at maybe 5.4 feet.

Despite that, she still has to look up at me as she steps closer.

Irrational anticipation crawls beneath my skin with every inch of space that dwindles between us.

Without retorting anything, Malia shoots a ball of almost pitch-black water in my direction.

If I wasn’t so good at what I do, I might not have been able to dodge.

Especially since my mind stutters on the question of what happened to the color of her water. Luckily, I swerve the attack with ease, my instincts saving my ass like many times before.

"There, there.

That isn’t how you greet an old friend, now, is it?" I tease, getting only a huff in return.

Without my noticing, she’s able to grab my ankle with one of her infamous water whips.

She forcefully tugs on it, and I lose my balance, falling flat on my back hard enough to take my breath away.

She’s quickly at my side, placing her knee on my chest and holding a dagger to my throat.

The realization that I’m in an actual fight with a very real Shadow Handler washes over me like a bucket of cold water, extinguishing my playful mood.

Shit! I didn’t want to believe Kaz when he told me Malia wasn’t the girl she used to be, but she’s proving me very wrong now.

But we still got all this history.

She remembers that, doesn’t she? There’s no way she could kill me.

The girl I used to know wouldn’t hurt a fly.

My heart starts racing, my pulse pressing dangerously against the cool metal of her blade.

"Okay, hold on now, Princess," I try to reason, hiding my simmering dread.

Her eyes narrow.

"Do not call me that!" she hisses, and I might’ve flinched at the sharpness of her voice.

The girl I kissed in the library is hardly recognizable, and I can feel my eyes squinting as if that would help me figure her out.

"As much as I might enjoy this position on other occasions, I just washed my hair.

If you could be a sweetheart and let me get it off the ground?" Her confusion, I do recognize, and it tells me that my desperate plan might actually work.

I am able to free one of my hands, and before Malia can focus entirely again, I shoot a flame up at her.

She’s quick to jump off me and out of its way, leaving me time to get to my feet and in position.

While my stance is still similar to what it used to be, I can’t help but notice that hers has changed completely.

Her way of fighting in general, it turns out.

What once had been based on blocking, stalling, and waiting, now consists of attacking straight ahead.

"I’m getting a déjà vu," I say lightly, hoping to get a reply.

Just any sort of indication that the girl I used to know is still in there.

I am a mess of unresolved feelings and old habits.

I know I can’t let this go on forever.

I’m on a mission, after all, here to stop her and her crew. Still, if this is my goodbye before I have to arrest her then I’ll allow myself to let this go on for just a little while longer, soaking up the knowledge that this isn’t the girl that I used to know.

I can see it in everything she does right down to the way she looks.

This isn’t my Malia.

This is closure.

"I do remember kicking your ass, now that you mention it." The slightest flash of a smile reaches her eyes, but with her mask on, it could just be a trick of the light.

Still, even the possibility that it wasn’t does something uncomfortable to my chest.

It has me coming up with plans to talk to her and cut her a deal once she’s with me at the guard’s facility. She could come back. She could switch sides again.

It feels good to duel her.

Too good.

It’s like a familiar dance between us, soothing old wounds the longer it goes on. Just that instead of a beat, there’s the swooshing of our elements, and instead of a melody there’s our heavy breathing.

My opponent seems to be getting just as lost in it as me because when her companions break through the doors, she jumps slightly.

It’s a wake-up call for me too, forcing me to remember that this is a mission.

We’re not back at the academy, I’m here to do a job.

"I’ll handle it, get back with the others," a masked man tells Malia, approaching us.

The mentioned it being me. Sweet.

"This one is mine," I notice the slight change of her voice as she talks to the man.

It’s deep, stern, and way more serious.

It makes me wonder if there was ever any playfulness in her reply.

"We can’t leave you alone," the man insists stubbornly.

"You did all mission.

If you don’t want me to report that, you’ll go ahead and let me deal with this.

I’ll catch up." Malia’s voice is dismissive, and the tall man turns on his heels to leave with one last curious look my way.

"You’re confident you’ll win this," I tease her once he’s out of earshot, but she’s serious now.

I can sense it, so I brace myself for a headache or whatever other trick of hers may come.

I’m just producing another round of fireballs when my hands suddenly clap stiff to my sides.

No matter how hard I try to flex my fingers or pry them away from my thighs, I can’t move them anymore.

I look up at Malia, dumbstruck while her expression remains unreadable.

"What are you doing?" I ask through gritted teeth as I fall to my knees, unable to move any limp to my wishes.

Malia just looks down at me, taking in the moment I’m kneeling in front of her without control over my body.

Even though her face gives nothing away, I can sense she’s enjoying this.

She likes seeing me incapacitated and below her.

My source starts acting out in outrage, heating my skin as if it could reach her through my pores.

The moment lasts a quick second before she disappears into the night, forcing me to look after her as I lose her to the darkness again.

Whatever she did to paralyze me goes on for another couple of minutes.

Once it wears off, the anger that’s been burning up within me piques and I lose my temper just long enough to burn down a small bush near me.

What on earth just happened? I’ve never felt this incapable before, and it doesn’t help that I have no idea how she immobilized me like that.

My head insists that this should be my last straw.

The bit of proof that I needed that she’s just one more weapon for the Dark Fraction; another heartless druid, but one fact remains.

She didn’t kill me. She could have easily done it and there would have been no way for me to stop it. Every other Shadow Handler would have ended me right there, but she let me live.

That has to count for something, right?