Page 41

Keahi

I’m too close to Malia, only the edge of my bed separating us.

Despite knowing I should back off, I can’t bring myself to do it.

I want to pull her into a tight hug, cup her face and tell her how fucking sorry I am, but I know she wouldn’t let me. Like she said, she hates me, and I damn well deserve it. She’s right, I abandoned her when she needed me. Even if it wasn’t knowingly, I wasn’t there, and she had the scars to prove it.

She kept the note.

Is this her way of telling me the girl I used to know isn’t too far out of reach to be brought back.

That she isn’t really gone, just hidden under four years of whatever horrors she survived.

My fingers hum with the need to reach out.

Still, I refrain from it, scared that any sort of movement will break this fragile moment and Malia will draw back.

I can’t make out much of her face or expression in the dark, and for once, I’m glad. I’d either see loathing in her eyes or wouldn’t understand at all what she’s thinking.

When I saw her in my living room again today, covered in blood and barely dressed, my heart stopped for a beat.

She was trembling and pale and I thought she was injured again; thought I might lose her for good this time.

And it would have been my fault. Whatever happened tonight is bad enough, even if she doesn’t seem to be in physical pain. So much is clear.

I wish I could talk to her.

I’m dying to know what happened and desperate to help somehow.

She might’ve tried to shield her emotions earlier, but I could tell how shaken she was.

She’s sitting still and looking up at me, and I wish she’d show me a glimpse of the girl I used to know so I could read her.

Or maybe I don’t.

Probably not considering what I’d find out would most likely not be what I’m desiring.

Well, I might still take it over the distance between us.

It must be better.

I allow myself another heartbeat of doing nothing before stepping away like a coward. Or in this case, a wise man, perhaps.

Malia’s eyes follow me until I’m out of the room, revealing neither disappointment nor malice.

I feel cold as I sit back down on the carpet even with a blanket wrapped tightly around me, my fire slowly losing the fight against guilt and grief.

She’d kept the note.

Why? To cling to it? Cling to a part of her real home… a part of me? Only so I could let her down.

I don’t get any sleep all night, but I wait to start my day so the noise doesn’t wake Malia.

She used to be a deep sleeper, but she used to be a lot of things that she isn’t anymore, and I wouldn’t want to cut her first night in a bed in four years short.

She didn’t even have a bed. When I finally hear her moving around in my room, I decide I can get up as well to get ready for Flints arrival. I shot him a quick text after Malia’s briefing to say he should come over soon since we’re already running out of time to prepare.

Maybe half an hour later, the doorbell rings.

As I walk to open it, I can hear Malia coming out of my room as well.

"Morning, Flint." I step aside to let my supervisor enter, noting how he stiffens at the sight of my houseguest.

Anticipation and dread course through me as I close the door and turn after him, expecting Malia to react badly to his apparent hostility.

To my surprise, she, for her part, is keeping her reaction in check.

Sure, she’s visibly tense and the atmosphere in the room has turned about twenty degrees colder since I opened the door.

But everyone is still breathing.

Flint gets over himself and sits down at the table without a word.

While I wish he’d treat her with proper manners, a part of me is glad he didn’t make an inappropriate comment.

Baby steps. I join him, taking a seat so we’re face-to-face before turning to look at Malia, who is still standing near the door to my room, as if debating whether she should just cut her losses and go back in there.

When she meets my eyes, I urge her with a look to come join us.

To my great surprise, that’s all it takes for her to take a seat on my right.

"So, you are Malia?" Flint inquires.

She nods, her eyes still hard.

"You’re the daughter of two Shadow Handlers, lived at the academy from your tenth birthday on until you went back to your family over four years ago. Correct?" he adds as if the clarification was necessary. Or perhaps he simply wanted to show off what he knows about her.

“Flint,” I try to cut in.

My fists are clenched under the table as I curse him silently for being so unpleasant.

Doesn’t he understand that we need her? Is he not aware of how close Malia is to backing down on her offer to help as it is? Meanwhile, he’s already made it obvious he thinks of her as the enemy.

To her credit, Malia stays calm.

"No, it’s fine.

I’m glad we’re getting all the misconceptions out of the way straight ahead. Flint, I’m just going to rephrase that for you. I was born into the same Shadow Handler family as Adira. The academy kidnapped me on my tenth birthday and altered my memories to forget about my real identity. A little over four years ago I was kidnapped again, that time by the Dark Fraction, where they restored my memories and forced me to work for them," she tells him.

Her words drop in my stomach like a heavy stone.

I have never thought about her history that way, not only with the Dark Fraction to blame for her pain but Arcane too, but she’s right.

The did kidnap her and even worse than that, they made her forget who she was and where she came from.

"Right.

And what did you tell them while you worked for them if I may ask? Any important inside information they could use against us in the upcoming attack? The academy is designed to not let spying eyes get any intelligence on the kids and the happenings inside.

If that was compromised, we need to know.”

“They have no inside information,” she reveals.

I try to hide my surprised, not wanting her to think I have no faith in her, but Flint shows his enough suspicion for the both of us.

“None?” he presses, clearly having a hard time believing it.

“As Keahi has no doubt told you, we’re running out of time, so I’d appreciate it if I didn’t have to repeat my answers when I’m already putting it as simple as I can to make sure I don’t confuse you.

If you don’t understand what I’m saying, maybe there’s someone else I can talk to?” she’s mocking him now, clearly put off by his suspicion.

Her words are slow and clear as if talking to a child.

Flint’s eyes narrow, but he wisely drops it.

“Right.

Anyway, you don’t sound too fond of the academy. Why would you help us?"

"It’s for my own benefit."

"Which is?" Flint demands but Malia shrugs him off.

"That isn’t of importance.

All you need to know is that it’s in my best interest to make sure the Dark Fraction doesn’t raze the academy to the ground.

Especially now that I’ve betrayed them."

"I think we should all be privy to your hidden agendas," Flint insists.

"Well, I think you are in no position to make demands.

Unless I’ve missed something, I’m holding all the cards here.

You see, I’m in a very interesting spot here since I can very well be the deciding factor in this upcoming battle.

“My allegiance lies with whoever cuts me the best deal, and right now, it’s you.

But if I decide I’m done putting up this interrogation and your blatant disrespect, I could go back to camp and tell them you know about the attack.

We’d change our plans, and you’d have no idea when we’d strike." My supervisor narrows his eyes and then looks at me as if it was just proven that we can’t trust her.

I groan inwardly, hating to be caught in the middle.

Still, I turn to Malia with an apologetic expression and say, "Malia, we have every intention of offering you the best deal.

Now, please tell him what you told me," She takes a quick look at me before returning her gaze to the man ahead of her. Just when I think she’s not going to do it, she starts reciting the same thing she told me last night.

"That is not a lot of information.

Is it possible for you to go back and gather more?" he asks once Malia is done.

She stiffens almost imperceptibly.

"No," she says curtly, and I wonder again what occurred last night.

"Do you know where the distraction will take place at?" Flint pushes, and I start to feel exasperated.

Why must he be like this? As if a simple thank you wouldn’t have done it.

"Do you?" Malia retorts, and Flint shakes his head, looking displeased.

"So, neither do I."

"How did you come to this information? It needs to be trustworthy if we base our whole plan on it."

"It is."

"How did you get it?" I shoot him a warning glare, and he raises his hands defensively.

"What, for all we know, she’s telling us some camp gossip.

We need to be sure, Keahi. This is a big risk we are taking."

"It is not some street gossip.

I got the information from a high-ranked member of the Dark Fraction," Malia insists, but my supervisor does not seem satisfied judging by the aggressive way he rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands.

"An ally?" he asks.

"There are no allies of yours in that camp."

"Then we’re back to the question if the information is correct.

It could have been a trick.

How are you sure it wasn’t?" Malia rolls her eyes.

"You don’t have to believe me, you know.

I told you what I knew.

Do whatever you want with that information." She is about to get up, but I grab her wrist gently. I hope she can still read me like she used to and understands that no matter how shitty my supervisor is treating her, we’re desperate for her help.

Flint might be a massive jerk right now, but he is the one who ends up deciding if the force uses the information and if her actions of last night will have been in vain or not.

With a displeased scowl, she addresses Flint where she stands.

"Fine.

I know because he told me without even thinking about it.

He didn’t have time to come up with lies or misleads because he was busy being distracted by me and my… female traits. I seduced him, gathered all the information he had, and then killed him when he turned suspicious.

“His body is now on his way down a river away from the camp, so they hopefully won’t ever find it.

Even if they did, they’d have no way of leading it back to me since I’d been gone since a day before he disappeared for all my parents know.

So yes, the information is a safe bet, and no, I can’t go back unless I make up for my actions by ratting you out, and I’m guessing you wouldn’t want that."

That story is followed by a thick silence.

She just talked about killing this person as if it was something as insignificant as the weather, and it’s understandable that Flint is getting the impression that she is unbothered by it.

I know better.

I saw it last night and I see her shaking hands under the table now.

That is another sacrifice she had to make because of me.

I’m tempted to reach for her but hold myself back.

Finally, Flint clears his throat.

"Very well.

I will pass on that information, and you’ll hear from me when there is anything to tell." He gets up and heads to the door with that, leaving Malia and me in an uncertain silence.