Page 16

Keahi

I wake up when someone unlocks the door.

I don’t recall falling asleep, but it must have been hours ago judging by the morning light streaming through the windows.

Damn, I don’t remember the last time I slept all night without the interruption of nightmares and woke up only after sunrise.

Malia is still cradled in my arms, somehow closer than she was when we fell asleep, and doesn’t seem to hear the noise.

She’s a deep sleeper, that’s for sure.

Her features are relaxed and soft, and I take in the view for as long as I dare before pulling my arms away. I hold my breath as I shimmy out beneath her head on my lap, trying not to disturb her. Carefully placing her head on my blanket, deciding I’ll pick up the fabric some other time, I get to my feet.

"Bye, Princess," I whisper hesitantly.

She doesn’t stir at my parting words, and my feet feel heavier with every step I take away from her.

Last night was a surprisingly pleasant escape from reality, but now things have to get back to normal. Normal; we can’t stand each other.

I stay busy on Sunday, training with Eteri to distract myself from the fact that she is not the girl I’m dumb enough to want to spend time with.

Still, no matter how hard I try to stop it, my mind stays with a certain pair of blue eyes.

"What is wrong with you today?" Eteri asks after slamming me to the ground yet again.

She’s won every fight this afternoon which is an obvious tell that something is wrong with me.

She steps off my chest and offers me a hand.

"Nothing.

I just don’t feel like training." I get up without accepting her help, ignoring the tenderness in various places of my body.

For a girl half my width, Eteri manages to throw me through the air and down onto the mats with surprising force.

Drawing the wrong conclusion from my words, a coy smile takes over Eteri’s face.

"Well, if you’re in the mood for something else, you should have just said that." She steps closer and places her delicate hands on my chest.

For a beat, our eyes lock and she blinks up at me. Then, she steps onto the tips of her toes and closes the distance between us. Without my taking control, the moment remains sweet, our breaths mingling and our lips brushing against each other like a faint whisper.

It feels almost romantic, and discomfort twists in my gut.

She must realize I can’t seem to muster up any actual enthusiasm because she deepens the kiss and brings us back to more familiar territory.

Even so, my hands stay loosely on her sides and my mind wanders off.

I barely notice her pushing me down on the mat and sitting on my lap with her legs straddling my hips. It should excite me. It normally would, but my mind keeps drifting off to last night and how just having Malia touch my shoulder made my heart race so much more than any activity with Eteri ever has. Shit. I shouldn’t think about another girl when my friend is straddling me, least of all Malia.

I try to get back on track, as if giving Eteri the reaction she wants would make up for my wandering thoughts.

I kiss her back, but when my hands grab her waist, a bolt of electricity shoot through my body, starting from where my fingertips touch her and going straight to my chest.

My head swims, flashes of memories playing in the forefront of my mind. Suddenly, I’m no longer touching Eteri.

Instead, Malia’s on top of me.

The memory of holding her waist on the railing overcomes me and I carefully tug her closer, scared that any sudden movement will break the spell and we’ll stop touching.

Her nimble hands are on my chest, right above my racing organ. I wonder if she can feel what she does to me.

This is wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong.

But I don’t want to stop.

Not when my heart feels like it’s about to burst from my chest.

This is the most exhilarated I’ve ever felt, and I just want to get lost in it.

Eteri’s scream rips me out of my fantasy.

"Ouch! What on earth?" she shrieks, holding her skin where my hands just were.

"What?" I ask, my head spinning as the vision slips through my fingers.

Reality slaps me in the face like a bucket of cold water, dousing the flame in my chest.

Holy shit, what the fuck did I just do.

"You burned me!" she exclaims, but that’s the least of my problems.

Did I seriously just fantasize about smooching the princess? And I got turned on by it so much I lost control of my flame.

This might be the second worst moment of my life.

I’m losing my touch.

"Oh, sorry," I answer, feigning disinterest while my mind is running a mile a minute.

"Either tell me what’s wrong or I’m leaving," Eteri threatens, oblivious to the fact that she’s not occupying a single thought of mine.

I shrug, her departure sounding like a relief to me.

I’d rather be alone than explain myself anyway.

Taking my silence for the hint it is, Eteri exits the room in a hurry, leaving me to my chaotic thoughts.

What is happening to me?

I’m utterly beat by the time my last class on Monday morning ends, and the only blessing is that training got canceled for the day.

I didn’t get a minute of sleep last night and don’t think I could have made it through the afternoon.

I feel faint and even more short-tempered than usual.

Why I didn’t catch a wink of sleep is a certain 5 foot 2, black-haired nightmare’s fault.

Nightmare because Malia has been haunting my mind, day and night, successfully robbing me of my last nerve.

Seriously, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I stop thinking about how her whole, stupid face lit up when she laughed or that annoying way her eyes seemed to glow when she saw the moon for the first time in five and a half years?

Skies, why do my fingers tingle whenever I think of how I held her waist, and why is the trail her fingers had left on my arm imprinted into my muscles? I feel like I am losing my mind, fixating on too much and not enough at the same time.

I’m walking down the hall when I hear someone jogging toward me.

Expecting Eteri, I don’t turn around.

"Hi there," the very voice that my ears have secretly been longing to hear calls, making my head swivel to the side.

My first reaction is relief to see her, but as soon as I identify the positive feeling, frustration washes it all away.

"What on earth are you doing?" I snap, and her smile fades.

Instantly, a voice in my head is screaming at me to tell her I’m just joking.

To make her smile again and drink it in. Then, I mentally kick myself, horrified at my train of thought.

"I don’t know.

I saw you and thought-" She seems nervous, but I don’t give into my urge to back off.

Instead, I roll my eyes and pack my voice with as much animosity as possible.

"You thought what? We could talk? Hang out? Be friends? I told you last night didn’t change a thing.

I am not prince charming and I never will be." I laugh a cackle I don’t feel while her cheeks burn up red.

Still, she doesn’t back off.

"There’s no need to snap at me just because you can’t handle it when people are around you," she shoots back, steeling her spine, and I don’t know if I love or hate this more.

Love because I enjoy verbally sparring with her, seeing the fire in her eyes that is exclusively reserved for me.

I get an unfiltered part of her that she carefully hides in front of all others, and she’s the only one that can stand her ground against me. A twisted part of me has always enjoyed my encounters with this girl.

Yet, after last night, my harsh words leave a sour aftertaste on my tongue because they no longer feel true.

I don’t want to cut Malia down when I could make her smile, and that realization scares me shitless.

Not once in my life have I been interested in making another person smile.

It’s why I handpick my next words carefully.

I need to remind us both that I am not a nice guy so she can stop looking at me with that hopeful expression, confusing us both.

Thinking back to what I heard Aiden tell her, I say, "At least I’m enough for people to genuinely want to be around me."

Malia stops in her tracks, a flash of hurt and recognition crossing her eyes, and the sight is like a blow to the stomach.

What is wrong with me? Why do I care?

Before the small voice in the back of my head can force me to take the words back, her face shuts down, her expression going empty and unreadable.

Not that it changes anything.

The sight of her pained features has already permanently burned itself into my mind, sure to torment me the next time I close my eyes.

I hit her right where it hurts.

But the satisfaction I would normally feel after a blow like that is now replaced by regret.

There’s a foreign look in her eyes, one cold enough to extinguish the fire I felt a moment ago.

We’re officially in uncharted territory. Her expression has never before gone so stoic. Fiery, yes. But never cold.

She shrugs, more to herself than me, and turns on her heels as if to head to her dorm and let it go.

I just know that’s not what she’s doing, though.

She’s never one to back down and accept defeat. Confusion racks through me for a beat.

Then, she turns the corner and I realize she isn’t backing down.

I used the one insecurity I ever discovered about her against her, so she’s ready to play dirty and exploit my weakness. The vent.

I run after her, seeing the door to the janitor’s closet click shut and storming in hot on her heels.

She’ll expose me, especially now that she is angry.

Teachers will block my only way out.

They’ll take away the only thing that keeps me sane.

"Stop!" I order, but she ignores me, stepping onto the container.

Rare panic seizes my chest, my sleep-deprived brain unable to stay reasonable.

"Please, I’m sorry!" I try but she doesn’t even react to my flimsy apologies.

I hurt her purposefully and am in no position to ask for favors.

Still, I keep trying. "Malia!" I grab her wrist, finally making her acknowledge my presence. She turns her head to stare down at me and I hesitate.

The eyes meeting mine now are not the same gentle ones I saw in the library hours ago; they are filled with the kind of rage I’ve never seen before.

Hardly even in myself.

I don’t have much time to wonder what she’s thinking because a head-splitting ache explodes in my skull, forcing me on all fours.

"Please," I breathe out before the lights go off.