Page 72

Keahi

"I could eat," I say, trying to sound casual.

I didn’t mean to piss Malia off, but I apparently did, and I don’t want to leave like this.

My training with Wystan was really exhausting, even though they went a little softer on me than usual, because I kept thinking about Malia and being distracted.

I’d like to tell her about my day, I really would, but that’d make her sad again.

I don’t want that.

I’ve talked to my partner today, and they made it clear they won’t be ready to talk or forgive Malia any time soon. That pissed me off, which led to me pissing my partner off and we didn’t end our lesson on great terms. Now, I’m not about to leave with another person angry at me.

On top of that tightrope to balance, I worry I might’ve pushed Malia too far this morning.

I meant well, sure, but she’d already had a shitty night and I’m not sure I handled it the right way.

I’m scared that I took advantage of her being a little out of it to make her open up.

Now, I snapped at her even though I’ve been looking forward to spending this evening with her all day.

Real smart.

"Let’s go then," she mumbles.

I readjust my arm on her shoulder to pull her tighter and we head to the cafeteria in the guard’s wing.

"Okay, what is wrong with you today?" Malia asks after we’ve both finished eating without saying a word to each other.

"I don’t know where my mind was at before.

I’m sorry I snapped at you.

Nothing’s wrong." I smile my most convincing smile.

"Good, then tell me about your day."

"The best part about it was breakfast, of course.

Training was exhausting, but I think my partner went soft on me for a change."

"You can say their name around me, you know," Malia tells me with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

She looks tired, and it makes me wonder about the scene I walked in on with her and the guards.

She was cleaning a graffiti off the wall that clearly stated “Murderer” while they watched. What sort of training was that?

"I know.

I just don’t want to hurt you," I say, focusing on the present.

"Well, I suggest you stop that shit right now.

I’m not some fragile glass doll you need to walk on tiptoes around.

I’m your girlfriend so you better tell me about your day when I ask. This is about you, not me."

"Aye, boss," I concede.

That earns me a playful roll of her eyes.

"Your guards seem like a tough crowd.

Have you tortured them with too much sarcasm already?" I try for some information to clear up the questions I have.

Has she gotten them to behave yet? If anyone can intimidate those stubborn old men into obedience, it would be her.

"Nah, they’re fine.

Totally growing on me with their big bald heads and about as many brain cells as they have hairs."

Our playful talk goes on for a bit until we decide to leave.

I convince her to come back to my place with me since I’m not ready for this evening to end.

It seems neither is she because she pretty much jumps at the offer.

Once we’re at home, Malia takes a seat on the couch.

"What do you want to do now?" she asks, looking at me expectantly.

"Netflix and chill?" I wiggle my eyebrows at her to let her know I’m joking.

Instead of picking up on the obvious innuendo, she frowns.

"I’m not following." Of course.

She could hardly have heard of Netflix and chill, of Netflix at all, before.

"Sorry, I sometimes forget how little you know about mundane things.

Forget it, it was a bad joke.

Want to watch a movie?"

"Sure," she agrees, but the light in her voice has quickly dimmed again.

I’m happy she reveals as much, that I can now tell that I’ve upset her, but it makes me wonder how many times I’ve said things that offended or hurt her without knowing it before.

She seems a lot more sensitive than I would have thought. It makes me feel all the more protective.

I sit down next to her, taking her crossed hands into mine and kissing the inside of her wrists.

I set them back down in my lap and level her with a look.

"What’s bothering you, my love?"

"It’s just like you said.

I know so little about everyday matters out in the real world.

I don’t understand half of the things you say sometimes, and I’m probably the only teenager nowadays that thinks a phone is the most complicated tool."

"You’re cute when you’re frustrated," I tease her.

"I’m the biggest outsider.

Everywhere.

At the academy, everyone sees me as a Shadow Handler and even here with you, I can’t keep up. At least there aren’t any other places where I can be a misfit because I pretty much have no life." She tries to sell this as a joke, but I know she means it. My heart aches a little for the incredibly strong girl next to me.

"I’m sorry.

You’re not an outsider with me, and you’ll learn these things as you go.

It’s no big deal," I assure her.

"I know, I’m just kidding."

"I know you’re not, but I won’t make you admit it.

We both know you’re as stubborn as they come."

"Look who’s talking! I don’t think I’ve heard you admit you’ve been wrong about anything in all the time I’ve known you," she argues.

I smile to myself and pick up the remote.

"Picking a movie will be fun," I mumble before turning on the tv.

Choosing a movie takes a lot of bickering and colorful curses.

It’s safe to say it’s the most fun I’ve had in years.

We finally settle on a horror movie with good ratings.

I’ve proposed about a million movies of all kinds of genres, but this is what she chose.

Much to my dismay, might I add, because I hate horror movies. They’re scary. Plus, they make me paranoid for weeks.

But, of course, Miss no-feelings here could never settle for a comedy or romantic movie.

So here we are, me at the edge of the couch with a death grip on a pillow while Malia is laughing her ass off.

"How is that funny? I’ll have nightmares about this for weeks! Look at all that gore! How is that fake? It looks so real!" I exclaim.

There are so many innards everywhere I want to throw up.

"Come on, she had it coming! I told her not to go in there.

Her fault for listening to me."

"Okay, for someone that insists following her advice is a good idea, you’ve been through a little too much.

Don’t throw rocks, that poor woman will be traumatized for life now." The jab leaves my lips before I can consider if it’s too far, so my eyes quickly shoot to her to check for a visible reaction.

She snorts, her gaze still glued to the screen.

"Look at you, indicating that you want me to talk about my past not so subtly.

If you want me to open up, tell me something about you I don’t know."

"What would that be?" I muse.

"I have a lot of things in mind.

For example, if you want me to tell you about my childhood, tell me about yours.

You’re not the only curious one. I want to learn everything about you as well."

"Well, childhood is not really my favorite topic," I confess.

Not that I remember much of my life before the academy, what I do is just not that rosy.

"I’m sorry about that, but I’ll need something in return if you want me to relive the suckiest parts of my past." Well, when she puts it like that, I do seem like a hypocrite.

"You’re right.

Does that mean we can turn the movie off and the lights on?" I ask hopefully.

These circumstances are making me jumpy, even if I have Malia with me and she’s proven she wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me.