Page 19

Keahi

Seeing Malia in so much pain because of me has that small voice inside my head screaming and shouting in protest, but I can’t stop.

It would make me look weak.

She just needs to give me the flag and this stops.

But she doesn’t.

Of course, she doesn’t...

She’s too stubborn for her own good. She falls to her knees in agony and pushes her finger into the mud as my powers try to force her into obedience. Even my inner flame, which usually enjoys inflicting pain on others, is keeping quiet.

Malia’s screams go silent for a beat, and that’s almost worse.

Her forehead is pressed into the dirty ground so I can’t see her expression, and worry gnaws at me about what is going on.

Before I can release my hold on her to check in, a strong force splashes over me from behind. The sudden attack makes me lose my focus, and my opponent is momentarily free to move however she wants. I try to get up and rectify my momentary lapse of judgement but another wave from behind pushes me further into the mud, incapacitating me.

Faintly, I hear the girl’s retreating steps, and when I turn around, Malia is gone.

I lost.

Holy shit. Not only could Malia resist my manipulation, but she managed to overpower me. Shame and anger along with the tiniest bit of relief mingle in my blood.

I carefully walk over the tree trunk and run back to Kaz since the time should be up soon.

"Very well, now that we are all back, let’s see who got the most flags.

Aalto, Helia, and Eteri each got one.

Clay and Keahi finished two tasks, and Malia brought back three. Good job everyone."

I fight the urge to look at Malia.

I wonder if she seems alright again, but she would feel it.

I do not want her to know I care. I don’t care. I’m simply pretty sure I’ve hurt her enough in one training or the other and can’t have Kaz thinking badly of me. That’s why I’ve been so worried about hurting her and nothing else. Or at least I don’t want to face any other prospects.

"Damn, I think I missed my window to score with your princess," Blaze says at dinner, interrupting my quiet stewing.

"What are you talking about?" I ask gruffly, ignoring the way he calls Malia my Princess.

Ignoring the heat that tingles my skin at the sound of it.

I must be coming down with a fever.

Blaze saves me from my thoughts, only to make matters worse.

"She and that girl look quite cozy." He nudges his head in my direction, his eyes focused on something behind me.

I turn around to see what he means.

Malia is sitting at her usual table with her usual friends and then some.

A pretty girl is sitting right next to her, standing out in the way that she smiles at my rival with stars in her eyes.

The girl whispers something in Malia’s ear and I can hear her laughter ring through the whole room. I look back down at my food.

First Aiden and now this? After five years of having no love life whatsoever, now she decides to engage in flirting.

My appetite is gone, so I force a few more bites down before leaving the cafeteria altogether.

I consider going to the library for a brief moment, but the chance of meeting Malia, and possibly her date there is too big.

So, I head to the janitor’s closet instead.

"Keahi!" Eteri calls before I reach the tiny room.

I sigh and turn around to see her jogging up to me.

"Come to the library with me. We’ve both had a shitty day," she proposes.

I consider declining that offer after what happened the last time but think better of it.

I end up silently following her to the library.

There, we hang out in the far corner of the second floor.

"Why are we in the library, Eteri?" I drawl, unable to shake my sour mood.

Thoughts of Malia are still tormenting me.

Now, those of her smiling at yet another crush of hers. And here I thought Aiden would have scared her off the romance trip for a while.

A guy can hope, I guess.

"You seem so on edge.

I thought I could help you with that." Right.

I’m talking to Eteri. I somehow forgot that she was still here, but instead of saying that, I turn my focus on her.

"Yeah, I got that.

Why are we in the library then?"

She shrugs.

"My roommate isn’t out, and no one ever comes here anyway." No one but her.

"Come on Keahi, what’s the worst thing that could happen?" She takes a step closer to me. Her hands trail my shoulders and move south.

She starts playing with the hem of my shirt and I let her pull it over my head.

Placing kisses up my abs, my chest, and finally my neck, she whispers "Please," knowing damn well it’s the magic word to make me give in.

I grab her by the throat and push her up against a bookshelf, making her whimper slightly in a way I crave more than anything else after a shitty day like this.

"Don’t leave," Eteri says about half an hour, and a few library-inappropriate things later.

She tries to hold me down when I make an effort to get up.

"We’re done here, aren’t we?" I gently slide her hands off me and get on my feet.

"We could still talk.

Or just lie here," she proposes, hope shimmering in her grey eyes, but I shake my head.

Foreboding simmers in my gut. With how things have been recently, I know she realized I’ve started pulling away. Her increasingly desperate attempts to hold on to me are proof of that. Now I just have to find a way to have this long-overdue talk with her without making things too awkward when we see each other every day.

Knowing my skills at empathizing, this should be fun.

"That’s not part of the deal.

If you want cuddles and a relationship you need to look for someone else.

You know this, Eteri." My voice is about as soft as I’d ever allow it to be in front of her, but a slight edge to it remains. I know how much I mean to her, but she needs to understand that I didn’t lie when I said I was down for something physical only.

What is it with the girls here trying to change me?

"I don’t want that with someone else," she mumbles.

“You’ve been enjoying our time as much as I’ve been, I know that.

Why don’t we just try it and see where it goes?"

"It being a relationship? Eteri, I thought I made it clear from the start that that will never happen.” I take a deep breath, resigned but aware that this needs to be done.

I probably should have done it a lot sooner.

I’ve always known she wouldn’t end things even if it was hurting her, and to be honest, I haven’t been as happy with this arrangement as I used to be. Something’s just missing.

“We should probably not do this anymore at all.

At least until we are on the same page." She jumps up at my words, panic etched into her pretty features.

For a second, I try to find an ounce of remorse or affection for this girl, but my dead heart feels nothing more than general respect for her as person and a fighter.

"No! We are on the same page.

We’re fine!" She tries to grab my arm, but I pull away.

"I said no, okay? If you can’t admit that our situation isn’t working for you as it is, then believe me when I tell you that it doesn’t do it for me anymore." She backs away, looking devastated.

I try to soften the blow with a last ditch effort.

"I’ll see you in training," I mumble before leaving her alone in the library.

I walk through the halls without paying attention only to collide with something else.

I hear a thud and find Malia on the ground in front of me.

"Oh, it’s you," I grumble.

"Yes, it’s me.

I’m fine, thanks for asking." She rolls her eyes.

“I’m sorry, does her highness need help standing up? Watch where you’re going the next time."

She scowls at me and gets back to her feet.

"Always such pleasant company," she mumbles.

"Shouldn’t you be with your date anyway?" I spit the words, instantly regretting it when she raises an eyebrow at me.

"Why, Keahi, are you jealous? Is that why you kept looking over at dinner?" she prompts, looking horribly satisfied.

Of course, I refuse to let her think she has a point.

Smirking, I step a little closer to distract from the fact that deep down, a treacherous part of me confirms her question.

It’s the same part that hated to see her with that slug Aiden and shouted at me when I hurt her.

I don’t know the source of it and it’s irritating as hell, but it is there.

I look down at her, but she doesn’t step back, seeming utterly unbothered.

A fun little challenge, this girl.

"Do you want me to be?" I finally ask, drawing my words out.

She doesn’t say anything, and I take another step toward her.

We are now standing chest to chest, but she still doesn’t back away.

Heat unexpectedly floods my veins at our vicinity and the challenge in her eyes.

She’s enjoying this.

To my surprise, I realize I do too.

This encounter has already woken every cell in my body in a way no meeting with Eteri ever has.

I have the decency to feel a small kernel of guilt at the realization, even though I’m not sure why.

Malia’s eyes are fierce as they look up at me.

I keep taking slow steps forward and she only backs away to avoid falling.

Finally. Malia’s back hits the wall and she flinches slightly in surprise.

"If you wanted me, Princess, you should have just asked." She tries to look annoyed, but I see her lips twitching slightly.

"Fuck off!" she whispers, but she doesn’t try to push me away.

We both know if he wanted to, she’d be out of my reach in a second.

"There, there.

That’s no way to speak to your elders," I tsk her, bracing my hands on the wall on either side of her face.

My heart is racing violently in my chest, but I’m playing it off. I’m not going to act all flustered and ruin the moment with my nerves. Not when this is so much fun.

Malia huffs at my comment.

“Please, you’re like a year older than me.

Get over yourself. Besides, you’re the one invading my personal space by pushing me up a wall, so don’t talk to me about manners.”

“Are you telling me to move away?” I ask her, still teasing though I’d obviously be off her in a second if she told me she wanted me to.

It’s just that I really don’t think she does.

I can see the inner battle going on behind her pretty blues, and anticipation makes my skin tingle.

What will her next move be? She either has to admit that she wants me close or tell me to leave her alone against her will.

Much to my dismay, we are interrupted before she can retort anything.

"Malia! Hey, you! Get away from her!" Ugh, it’s the guy she is always around.

He jogs toward us, but I don’t step away.

He’s several inches shorter than me and many levels below my elements class. What’s he going to do? I drop one arm, though, so her face is visible to her friend even as I lean closer.

"I said get away from her," he snaps at me.

His hands ball into fists when my only reply is a mocking chuckle.

"It’s okay Dustin, I can handle him," Malia assures him, and I turn to her with raised eyebrows.

"You can?" I tease her with a grin.

She rolls her eyes and pushes me away.

"Are you okay? What are you doing here with him?" Malia’s friend steps between us with his back toward me, effectively blocking her from my view.

While I get the urge to push him away, he packed the word him with enough venom and disdain to make me take a step back instead.

Is this how they usually talk about me? How she talks about me to her friends?

"I’m fine, Dustin, and of course, I’m doing nothing with him.

I was just going to my room." She says it as if the thought alone was ridiculous.

As if I were something beneath her, and she wouldn’t ever spend time with me by choice.

Like the night in the library never happened.

I am aware of what people think of me here at the academy.

Hell, I’ve worked hard to get my reputation. Yet, the thought that Malia thinks that badly of me sits very wrong with me. Not after everything I showed her that night.

It might be unfair considering my behavior since then but what can I say.

My temper insists I have a right to be angry.

I swallow my disappointment until I feel nothing but anger, the familiarity soothing me.

What did I expect? She thinks she is so much better than everyone else.

"That hurts, Princess.

You, denying our love and passion for one another," I say, sarcasm dripping off my words, and she shoots me a death glare.

"Where’s Wystan?" she asks her friend, ignoring me.

It only tightens the knot in my stomach.

"In their dorm already.

I’m heading to mine now, do you want me to walk you to your room first?" he asks, and I roll my eyes.

As if he could protect her from anything she couldn’t handle herself. She’s much stronger than he’ll ever be.

Malia’s eyes flick over to me and then back to her friend in a flash.

She shakes her head, and he shoots me what I think was supposed to be an intimidating look before leaving.

"So, where were we?" I ask her once he is out of earshot, trying to remain playful despite the sting her rejection left.

"Nowhere, I’m going to bed." Her voice is as cold as ice, so my lips turn into a thin line.

Moment has passed.

"Was that an invitation?" I shoot my arms out wide like a showman, putting on the sort of theatrics I never usually do.

Why can’t I drop this? Why make more of a fool out of myself? She makes me want to be playful, I realize.

I’m that desperate for her attention.

She rolls her eyes and tries to walk away.

My stomach cramps.

Now I’m not even worth a reply? "I am talking to you," I hiss, grabbing her wrist.

"Brilliant, I’m not talking to you though," she retorts without missing a beat.

"Not in that tone, you’re not." I feel anger and frustration bubbling up inside of me.

"You can’t tell me what to do," she insists, and I feel my self-control ebbing away.

Her eyes widen and I faintly feel her trying to pull away from my grasp before she speaks up again.

"Keahi, you’re hurting me." Her words snap me back to focus, and I let go of her arm a little too quickly, my eyes dropping to where I’ve held her.

I don’t seem to have burnt her, but my hand left a white imprint on her skin.

As it fades, tiny purple bruises form almost immediately where the gaps between my fingers were, and I nearly recoil at the sight.

That wasn’t supposed to happen. All I wanted to do was be playful.

What on earth is wrong with me? Laying a hand on a fellow student like that? Hell, I know I have a big mouth and some attitude but ever since my incident with Malia when I was eleven years old, I haven’t hurt anyone outside the training rooms.

This is why I don’t try new things.

Try to change.

Being fun or teasing isn’t for me. Putting myself out there makes me feel like the same idiot kid that was rejected by the older students when I first arrived. It makes me weak and vulnerable. All that disgusting shit that triggers my temper even more quickly.

I stare at her wrist until she pulls it out of sight.

"It’s fine," she says, and my eyes meet hers.

She doesn’t seem angry or scared, more like concerned.

All sorts of defense mechanisms take hold of me, and I can feel my face morphing into a scowl once more.

"Like I care." I snap before walking away.

I don’t need her to pity me like a crazy person or a scared child.

I hurt her. She should be afraid of me.