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Keahi

To my utter surprise I actually open my eyes again, What on earth? I quickly reach for my stomach, surprised I can move at all and expecting my hand to be damp with blood only to see it as clean as ever. How the-

I’m pretty sure I’m in my bed, though I don’t remember coming here, so naturally, my first thought is that the fight was just a dream.

That is until I hear breathing from behind me.

I lift my head in a flash and whirl around, only to see a wide-eyed Malia staring back at me.

"What? What happened?" she asks as panicked as I’ve ever heard her.

While I’m lying on my back, Malia has my head on her lap while she’s sitting with the side of her head resting against the wall.

She seems terribly pale, even in the dark, and now that I’m taking a closer look at her I notice her clothes and face are covered in what looks suspiciously like blood.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her, my confusion clear in my voice.

Instead of responding, she releases the deepest sigh before starting to laugh.

It’s a relieved laugh, a manic one, and in the time she takes to compose herself, I try to remember how on earth we got here.

I’m gathering that the attack of the Shadow Handlers wasn’t a dream and that it wasn’t an angel crouching over me when I thought I was dying, but really Malia.

The details are blurry as fuck, but I’m pretty sure she told me she loved me.

And she saved me, that much is clear.

None of this makes sense.

First off, how on earth is Malia here? Second, what on earth does she mean she loves me? Or was that just my delirious mind making shit up?

"Malia, how on earth are you here?" I decide to ask once she stops laughing.

It’s the easiest question right now.

The girl across from me studies my face with an odd intensity, her eyes flitting over every inch of me, but as the last of my words leaves my lips, her features become less loving and more angry. Dangerously angry.

"How dare you pull something like that on me!" she snaps.

"What?" I ask incredulously.

"You scared the shit out of me! Almost dying in my fucking arms, you fucking idiot!" Her voice is way too loud for the distance between us, and I am so damn tempted to snap back at her.

I don’t because right now, her screaming at me tells me she was worried about me.

I remain silent instead and let her get it out of her system.

"Fuck, there was so much blood, and I was so scared." Her voice breaks, and I can see the agony in her eyes.

It’s enough to make my own chest constrict.

For a moment I forget about everything, forget about what she told me after the battle and all else and just pull Malia into my arms.

She’s quick to bury her face in my chest and hold onto me tightly as though she’s scared I might slip away if she leaves me some room to breathe.

I won’t complain, though. I know how she must have felt, seeing me like I was on the floor because it’s the same I felt the times she almost died in my arms.

Her entire body is trembling as she cries against me, and all I can do is stroke her hair and reassure her I’m fine.

"Please stop crying.

It’s fine.

I promise," I whisper.

"You were so pale," she mumbles so silently I barely hear her.

"I know," I whisper back.

I know I must’ve been on the verge of death.

I mean, I thought I was already dead when I saw Malia’s face.

I reach behind the girl in my embrace to click on my bedside lamp before pulling away.

"Holy shit, you look like you’ve just massacred a whole village." Seriously, her clothes, face, and arms are soaked with my blood.

Even the strands of her black hair stick together suspiciously in some places.

Malia laughs shakily and tries to wipe the tears off her face. Her hands, I notice, are clean, the same as me.

"How about you go take a shower and I’ll lend you some clean clothes of mine.

I need to change out of this shirt anyway, not much use with that tear through the middle," I propose.

"Sounds good.

You do know that I can clean my clothes as I did yours though, right? You don’t have to lend me anything"

"I do know, Malia, but you look tired, so I figured I’d offer," I explain, and she simply smiles and leaves the room with a quick nod.

Once she’s gone and I hear the water running, I take a deep breath.

Almost dying is really not that fun.

I have no idea what to do with Malia now. She has hurt me so damn much, even if she says it was to protect me. It didn’t seem like a lie then, so how am I supposed to know what to believe? On the other hand, I really just want her, and she is here with me now. Why is nothing ever simple with that girl?

I’m still sitting in the same position when Malia carefully enters my room and heads for the dresser.

She’s wearing a towel only and hesitates before opening a drawer.

"Do you still want me to wear something of yours?" she asks without turning around when I don’t give her the go-ahead to search my closet.

"Maybe it’s better if you clean your clothes.

Because of the stains and all.

And that makes it easier when you leave. I’m guessing you have somewhere to be?" I feel like a jerk since I can tell my words make her uncomfortable, but it’s for the best. We need to talk, and I don’t know how it will end. I got ahead of myself with the suggestion before.

Still, as her shoulders slightly roll in on themselves as if to make herself smaller, something tightens in my chest, and I wish I hadn’t said anything.

So what if this conversation ends in her storming off? It wouldn’t have killed me to lose a shirt and pants.

"Yeah, sure," she mumbles before hurrying back out of my room, her head hanging so she can look at the floor and avoid my eyes.

I can’t remember ever seeing her look so small.

I feel even worse now.

She left her clothes in the bathroom since my smartass told her I’d bring her clothes.

With a groan, I press the palms of my hands against my eyes until I hear Malia approach again, though she hasn’t cleaned her clothes. I straighten my back just in time to see her sit at the foot of the bed. Here we go.

"How were you here so fast? I mean, how did you even know I needed help?" I initiate the conversation.

I try to keep my voice even, but it’s damn hard when Malia looks so vulnerable with her puffy eyes and paler-than-natural skin.

I’m a piece of shit for interrogating her so shortly after she saved my life. Especially when it oh-so clearly took a toll on her.

"I was supposed to go back to the facility, but I wasn’t sure which way to go from there.

I knew how to get to your place and wanted to go to Arcane from here when I saw two figures leaving your house.

I ran the rest of the way, but you were already almost unconscious." Her voice breaks, but she holds her tears at bay.

"I healed your wounds and thinned your blood a little.

I’ve never done that before so maybe you should go to an actual nurse back at the academy to get checked.

Just in case. Cleaned the mess too, just so you know. I hope it’s okay I stayed. I was a little tired and wanted to see if you’d wake up." She does look tired, more than a little. It takes my everything not to go over to her and hold her again, but I can’t give in. Hopefully later when I have some answers, but not yet.

"Thank you.

For saving me and cleaning and all that.

You didn’t have to do that. Where were you anyway? I thought Flint kept you as a prisoner." I remember that I saw the two of them together last night, and some bitterness creeps into my voice.

"I was at his place, but he got a call and had to leave, and I was supposed to go back." Oh.

They left together yesterday, so I guess she stayed the night.

I can’t help but chuckle bitterly before looking back up at Malia.

It was either that or wincing at the realization, and I don’t feel like showing her just how much it bothers me.

She doesn’t need to know how much the idea of her with another man pains me despite everything she’s done.

She seems to just realize what she said because I can almost see the excuse building behind those pretty eyes of hers.

"It’s not like that.

We-" I cut her off since I really don’t want to hear what the two of them did.

"I don’t care.

I fucked Eteri too.

You don’t owe me an explanation," I snap, regretting it almost immediately. Why would I even say that? She looks so damn sad right now, recoiling at my harsh words before averting her eyes and nodding silently.

"Anyway, maybe you should get going.

Again, thanks for healing me.

I was lucky you were around," I add, trying to mask my emotions behind a stoic tone.

"Did you hear what I said?" Malia asks instead of getting up, her voice still little above a whisper that nearly gets lost in the short distance between us.

"I did and I’m really fucking confused now.

You can’t just change your mind about how you feel about me every few days, it’s not fair.

Even if I wanted to believe you now, how on earth am I supposed to trust what you say when you were just as convincing when you told me I meant nothing?"

Malia takes a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling to stop her tears before straightening her back and looking at me.

"Flint was threatening you after you worked so hard to get here.

I couldn’t let you lose the job that means so much to you. I made you feel bad about not ‘saving’ me once, so I didn’t want you to feel bad this time. I said what I knew would hurt you most so you would stay away. I’m really sorry I hurt you," she explains herself before whispering, "I meant what I said earlier." And yet she spent the night with my boss.

If only she knew she meant so much more to me than a damn job ever could.

She never asked me what I wanted, though.

Even if what she’s saying right now is true, things have gotten too complicated and twisted along the way to resolve anything right now. As much as I had to regain her trust after she came back from living with the Dark Fraction, I think she has to do the same now. I run my hands through my hair, so damn conflicted. I want to believe her, I really do, but how can I possibly?

"I think I’ll need some time," I finally say.

Malia swallows and bites the insides of her cheeks while nodding her head.

She’s trying so hard not to cry.

"Sure, yeah, I didn’t plan on seeing you tonight anyway, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave before you woke up.

I had to see if you’d be fine, but I wanted to figure shit out before speaking to you." A sad little laugh escapes her lips before she pulls herself together.

She then gets off my bed, lingering just before exiting my room.

"I asked Flint to take me with him last night because I couldn’t take the silence in my cell.

I killed my parents.

I thought you’d be safe now, but we see how that turned out." another deep breath. "I also wanted him to trust me. One, because I hate being a prisoner, and two because if he didn’t think he’d have to blackmail me, you’d be off the hook.

"He got himself dinner before letting me tag along when he met his friends.

I only stayed with him last night because someone spiked my drink, and I passed out on the way to the facility.

Nothing like what you think happened." Her words barely register before she’s walking out of my room and toward the front door. When I hear the door click shut behind her, my mind finally catches up and the weight of her words hit me in the stomach harder than any weapon ever could. I jump off my bed to hurry after her.

"Malia, hang on!" I scream while trying to catch up with her outside.

"No, Keahi, it’s fine.

You need time and I need to get back to my cell," she says without turning around or stopping.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! I’m such an idiot. I should have heard her out before dismissing her.

"Malia, just come back inside and we can talk."

"I don’t think that’s a good idea.

We can talk when I figured something out.

just go home." I have no intention of going home without her, though. She should stay for the night, at least. If what she just said is true, she’s been through the wringer herself the last two days. The least I can offer is a place to stay for the night.

Once I’ve finally caught up with her, I grab her wrist gently to get her to stop speed-walking for a damn minute.

"I’m sorry I didn’t let you speak, but you can’t just drop a bomb like that on me and then run off.

Please, come back inside." Another tear rolls down her already wet cheeks, and I wipe it away with my thumb before I can stop myself.

Great job, you made her cry again.

"Please.

It’s late so you probably shouldn’t walk alone anyway.

The Shadow Handlers could still be around," I add, but she shakes her head.

"Exactly, it’s late.

I can’t have Flint thinking I ran off when I’m this close to getting some freedom for the first time in my life.

You take your time while I figure out this mess with Flint. We’ll talk then. And I am more than capable of taking care of myself." A lump is growing in my throat as I realize she won’t come back inside, so I just nod and let go of her hand.

"Goodnight Keahi."

"Goodnight," I answer hoarsely.

She turns around to walk to the academy as I head back to my door.

There, I watch Malia until the darkness swallows her whole.

I hurt her again and lost her again.

I hate this so much.

My thoughts are still a fucking mess by the time I lie back down on my bed. On top of everything, the bed now smells like her. Another reminder that I fucked up big time tonight and drove her away.

I probably shouldn’t trust her so blindly, but how could I not when her story adds up so perfectly?

"I’m this close to getting some freedom for the first time in my life." It’s sick to think about how she has always been a prisoner or pawn of some kind.

Shit, did she say she killed her fucking parents?

"I couldn’t take the silence in my cell." She was all alone in there, locked up again.

Who knows what sort of memories that brings up for her.

I didn’t think I could feel much worse than before, but I was wrong. The void in my stomach is proof of that.

How many fucking times am I going to let Malia push me away? How many times is she going to push me away? Her words hit so far below the belt, and I can’t just forget about that.

Maybe some space is what the two of us need.