Page 40

Malia

I wake up feeling even more unsure about the deal I made the night before.

At first, I thought it was a dream.

I considered forgetting all about it and staying with the Dark Fraction, but some part of me knows I can’t do that.

I keep reassuring myself that helping Arcane even out the odds is for my own benefit and that that’s the reason why I have to leave, but it’s partly an excuse.

I finally have a reason to leave this awful place.

Somewhere to go.

It is risky though.

If my parents find out I’m planning to betray them –

Once it’s done, I’ll constantly be in immediate danger, even more so than now.

There will be no going back, no take-backs.

But that will be mine to worry about in the future. Right now, my goal is to find out any sort of information about this supposed attack on the academy. It could still be a lie or a misunderstanding. One step at a time.

I go to the small market where some people are eating breakfast.

I usually avoid being around the members of this fraction more than I have to, but since I won’t find out anything useful if I stay in my room, here I am.

"…a week," I hear a bald man tell his companion in a hushed voice minutes after I entered the busy passageway.

Assuming they’re talking about the mission against Arcane, a bit of dread weasels its way into my stomach.

That would be soon.

I keep walking, winding through the crowd and the vendors’ carts as inconspicuously as I can, never lingering for too long near a couple discussing what I need information on.

The Dark Fraction is a suspicious bunch.

It’s bad enough I’m out and about aimlessly, I don’t need to look more dubious than necessary.

"…that will distract them." I overhear a woman explain to the other shortly after having mentioned the academy.

With all the noise going around, I can’t be sure if the academy will be the distraction itself or the actual big play.

I dare a glance at the slender woman, hoping for her to go on, but her eyes meet mine instead and she glares before leading her friend away, their heads bent together.

So much for being inconspicuous.

"…rip the weeds out by the roots," They seem almost eager to kill innocent kids.

I feel sick.

"I heard she wants to hang up Adira’s head on a spike as a Symbol," That little snipped is clearly about my mother and her need for revenge.

Even now, I find it hard to believe that the woman I believed to be a saint from age ten to fifteen is related to the menace that bred me.

It does explain why she seemed familiar the first time I saw her, though. The two women look quite similar.

If only they hadn’t tempered with my memory to change my parents’ faces.

I might’ve pieced it together.

I don’t stay at the market for long, coming to the conclusion that I’m not nearly as efficient as I’d like to be.

I’m working out a new approach as I walk.

An idea I don’t like in the slightest comes to my mind, but I tell myself to suck it up.

Time’s running out.

It’s risky and I’d have to flee right afterward, but it’s still my best bet.

The guy I danced with at the ball, Seraphin, is a high-ranked Shadow Handler, so he should have all the information I need.

If I can get him alone, I’ll make him talk, one way or another.

The problem is that he’s a strong fighter, and if he got away before I could flee, it would be fatal.

The best way to approach this would be to trick him into telling me without him ever realizing what I was doing.

That way, he wouldn’t tell anyone about my inquiry and make them change the plans all over again. That’ll be a tight rope to walk.

I cringe at the sheer thought of how I could accomplish it.

Not that that is important now.

A little flirting with some slug seems like a small price if it will save innocent lives and mine.

Another bump in the road is my parents should they catch wind of anything.

They would immediately get suspicious if I suddenly acted all into Seraphin.

On the other hand, my mother did almost kill me last night.

Maybe they’re wishing for the change in my behavior strongly enough to believe in my honest intentions.

Probably not. The silver lining is that they haven’t come to see me so far today, so I might be able to stay completely out of their way. I really hope so.

I wait until the sun sets to head for the Coal’s house.

I take a deep breath, make sure to fix an innocent smile on my face, and knock.

Seraphin opens the door, and I see the flicker of surprise on his face along with recognition. Soon enough, he masks it with a charming smile of his own.

"Good evening.

Malia, is it?" he asks pleasantly.

"Yes, hi.

I’m sorry for showing up unannounced but I felt too bad to drop it.

I’m very regretful of my behavior at the ball and was wondering if I could make it up to you? I had a talk with my parents that made me realize how un-called for my behavior was at the ball," I tell him, careful to blink up at him through my lashes coyly to give him the right idea without coming off too strong.

I’m not experienced at seducing men, to say the least.

Judging by the sparkle in Seraphin’s eyes, I’d say I’m doing well enough, though.

He makes no effort to hide his intentions as he slowly takes me in from top to bottom, perhaps checking if I’m up to par, before stepping aside to let me enter his home. Shallow idiot.

"No worries, come inside.

My parents are at a conference anyway, so you really couldn’t have come at a better time.

I was about to be bored without any company" I walk inside, and Seraphin closes the door behind me.

He offers me something to drink, but I turn it down and we take a seat on his couch instead.

There’s no need to waste time with useless pleasantries.

I see the look in his eyes, he does not want us to drink or talk.

He sits unnecessarily close to me, and I’m already having a hard time suppressing my eye roll.

My lips tingle with the need to hurl every devastating curse that’s ready in my throat, so merely to distract myself from it, I start chewing on my bottom lip.

"You don’t need to feel bad about the ball, we all have bad days.

If you do insist on making it up to me though, I might have an idea or two in mind," the man tells me with a sly smile.

"And what would those be?" I ask with my mask of innocence still perfectly in place.

Apparently, the prompt is enough for him to take as a green light as he leans in for a kiss.

Something acid sours my stomach the moment his breath fans against my skin and I curl my nails into the palms of my hands to keep them from strangling the man.

Still, I don’t pull away when our lips meet and even go along when he pulls me onto his lap, trying to stick to my plan.

Seraphin’s tongue invades my mouth like a raw slug, and I get the urge to throw up in his mouth.

For the sake of this mission, I refrain from it.

I just need to stick this out until his guard is lowered and his mind is too distracted to be suspicious before I can start my interrogation. It’s the only reason why I lift my arms when his clammy hands take hold of the hem of my shirt to take it off.

Only then do I break the kiss, hopeful he has something to distract him.

"When will your parents be back?" I ask, pretending to be flustered and squirming atop him.

It has the desired effect when his eyes glaze over, dropping back to my lips.

"Don’t worry, we have time.

They are talking about an important mission tonight.

It’ll take them a few hours." A shot of satisfaction dulls my disgust at having his hands on me, his words giving me the perfect in to steer the conversation the way I need. Finally, the evening is starting to look up.

I can’t believe he’s falling for this act.

Doesn’t he know my reputation around camp? Hasn’t he seen me with my mask and hood on? Maybe this is the price he has to pay for his self-assured male ego.

He wouldn’t dream any woman could resist his charm.

"Your family is really important, isn’t it? I bet you know about everything that goes on here.

That’s fascinating." He is too full of himself to even notice I’m obviously manipulating him.

Fool. And here I thought they trained their children better here at camp. I guess their strict rules on relationships do play in my favor now. Poor man is depraved and desperate.

"I guess it is.

Let’s not talk about that now though." His gaze lowers to my cleavage, but I turn his face slightly upwards with gentle fingers, feeling like red ants are walking over every inch of skin he takes in.

I’m not even sure why I’m this uncomfortable.

I’ve been through worse things than sitting on a man’s lap, for crying out loud.

Right now, I kind of wish I was anywhere else, though.

"Come on, tell me just a little." I pout, moving my hips back and forth on his lap to get him out of his head just a little more.

He groans, and the sound is enough to make me want to rip off my own ears and choke him with them.

"You can do to me whatever you have in mind later," I whisper in his ear before pulling away with a kiss to his throat. Of course, I don’t plan on keeping that promise, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

His eyes turn a little brighter at my words, lust and greed clear behind them.

I can tell he’s not focused.

Right where I want him.

"Alright.

What do you want to know?" he asks, placing his hands on my hips to drag me closer.

I almost flinch away at the feeling of his erection between my legs but force myself to merely smile and ignore it.

"What is the big mission they are talking about tonight?" I ask innocently, letting him roll my hips over his crotch.

"They are going to attack the Arcane Academy and kill the kids as well as the teachers.

That’s not interesting though.

I’ll go, you know. I mean, most at camp will, but I’ll be at the very front, which means I’m one of the best soldiers they have around here," he gloats like it would impress me. I act into his fantasy despite my growing distain for the man.

"Oh, I had no idea.

Maybe once you’re back from the mission, you can teach me a thing or two.

When are you leaving?" I fake being completely under his spell, and he chuckles slightly, clearly satisfied.

"In eight days.

Tuesday," he tells me, though his hungry eyes are now steadfast on my chest.

I realize I’m giving him a real show, too, with the heavy way I’m breathing. If only he knew it’s the strain of staying this close to him that has that effect. The very opposite of what he might think.

"That’s soon.

How are they going to do it? Aren’t we going to be greatly outnumbered?"

"Some of us will create a distraction to lure as many guards away as possible.

The rest will attack the academy, but I don’t know how exactly.

They are just figuring out the details tonight." I’m ready to ask another question when he interrupts me. "Enough talking. Show me what else that mouth can do instead."

He grins, awfully proud of that line, and it takes all my self-control not to spit in his face.

I get off his lap and watch him settle deeper into the couch, spreading his legs and tipping his head back in anticipation.

Please, as if.

"Maybe, I should go.

It’s getting late, and my parents will be suspicious about where I was if I’m not back soon.

I can come back tomorrow?" I propose, trying to conceal my relief to finally have him out of my personal space. His eyes snap open.

"You’re not going anywhere.

You promised me something so you don’t get to back out now," he says almost angrily as he gets to his feet.

"I’m sorry, I changed my mind." He takes a step toward me, eyes burning dangerously every time I take a step back.

"You can’t do that.

You owe me," he snaps and grabs me roughly. Oh boy.

"Don’t touch me," I hiss and push him onto the couch, only for him to get back to his feet in no time.

Realization dawns that if he doesn’t change his mind about letting me leave, this isn’t going to end well for him.

I’m not letting them kill me here.

He narrows his eyes at me.

“Why on earth did you really come here?” he demands, freaking me out.

He wasn’t supposed to think clearly. He wasn’t supposed to realize what I did. If he tells his parents what I know and they figure out who I’m working with, they’ll change their plan and tonight’s information will be useless.

I curse myself for not playing along for longer.

I should have just made it worth his while.

Maybe he would’ve never through twice about my visit then.

I shake my head, trying to slip back into the character I created for him earlier.

“I told you why.

But I no longer want to do it. You’re making me uncomfortable now,” I try to reason, hoping he’ll fall for the innocent, scared act.

Seraphin walks toward me, unfazed, and I start to give him a simple headache in a final attempt to keep this from escalating too severely.

Rather than backing off, he falls to his knees before me and lashes out, gripping at my pants roughly.

I hear the fabric rip and feel his nails scratching my scarred skin.

When I try to move away, I find myself trapped between him and the wall. My carefully kept calm slips as I look down at his growling from on the ground. He’s unrecognizable, looking almost feral.

“You lying bitch! You’ll deliver what you promised, whether you changed your mind or not.

And then you’ll tell me why you came here asking all those things!” he grits, his grip on my legs tightening enough for me to feel just how inferior my strength is compared to his.

I try to kick him off in vain.

My heart races painfully in my chest.

I can’t let this happen.

Not the part where he rapes me, not when that’s the one line my parents have never crossed in their mission to hurt me every possible way, and not the interrogation about my intentions for tonight.

Panicking, I watch in horror as both of his arms suddenly bend in an unhealthy direction with a nauseating crunch, his bones breaking on some involuntary, unconscious command of my powers.

Seraphin screams out in pain, no matter that I quickly mend the bones again.

He’s being too loud.

My mind is reeling.

I’ve never hurt anyone like this before, the same way my father enjoyed torturing me.

I stagger a few feet to the side until my shoulder hits a chimney, scared of my own power more than the screeching man.

What do I do? I can’t knock him out and leave him here.

He’d tell everyone something was up and my parents would piece my betrayal together.

No one can know that I know anything when they realize I’m gone.

To my right are chimney tools, and I grab a long metal stick with a pointy end.

Seraphin gets back to his feet, flames dancing in the palms of his hands and eyes looking deadly.

I see his lips moving but can’t make the words out over the blood rushing in my ears.

He creeps closer and my clammy hands tighten around the metal.

I know what I have to do. I must make sure he can’t blow up my mission. Knocking him out long enough to make an escape isn’t enough. He’ll talk.

He’s about to attack when I beat him to it, rushing forward mindlessly to push the tool into his chest with a sickening slick crunch, through his heart, and out of his back.

His eyes widen, fixed onto me.

The color rushes from his face at a scary pace, and his hands grasp my weapon inside him.

Time seems to slow as the anger vanishes from his eyes, taking the light right with it.

Finally, his weight becomes too much for his lifeless legs and he drops to the ground, pulling my paralyzed body, which is still clutching the weapon like a lifeline, right down with him.

I feel his warm blood seep through his clothes and latch right onto my skin, covering me all over.

"I’m so sorry," I whisper in shock as I get back up.

My hands are trembling, and my breath comes in short rasps.

I can’t look away from him. I can’t stop feeling his quickly cooling blood on my chest. The walls close in on me until all I can focus on is that I have to get away. But I can’t. I can’t leave him here. Maybe they’d trace it back to me and my departure. I can’t let that happen. Can’t let this all have been in vain.

I take in the position we were taught in first aid class at the academy to pick up a bigger person and force my trembling legs into obedience so I can rise with Seraphin’s body on my back.

They’ll think he disappeared.

There’s blood on the carpet and the chimney tool, but nowhere else. I use my powers to make those indicators disappear. I clean the carpet and the tool I dropped to pick up the body and put everything back in its place. Then, I carefully sneak out of their place, checking thrice to make sure there’s no one around. Luckily for me, the more important families all live in the outskirts of camp, so it isn’t a far walk for me to weave through the ruins until I’m deep into the forest.

My legs carry me on autopilot, taking me over bushes and roots until they finally collapse under the weight of the man’s body.

My back protests as I drop it, and any semblance of composure cracks at the sight of his pale, lifeless body amidst the orange and brown leaves on the ground.

I can’t just leave him here. They’ll find him. They’ll know.

I look around aimlessly, scared to find someone spying in the bushes.

They’ll know.

They’ll change their plans and it’ll all have been for nothing. They’ll find me and they’ll kill me painfully.

I hear the sound of moving water nearby and focus on that.

I look around in search of it and when I spy a narrow river not too many feet ahead, I wonder how I didn’t notice it straight ahead.

That’s good. Water is good.

I can dump Seraphin’s body in it, hope it will be carried far, far way.

If they ever find it, they’ll think he drowned.

Or they’ll never know what happened. Can you heal a dead person? Close the wound?

I crouch down beside him, nearly throwing up in my mouth at the thought of touching him again, to change the appearance of his body.

I can’t do it.

I can’t change anything about him now. And his shirt is too bloody, it would have to go too. And there’s some on his pants. I can’t do this. I pick him up hastily and dump his body in the river, shaking from head to toe as I force my element to take his body away.

He’s washed up against the river bank a few times as I watch, his body hitting rocks and rolling around unnaturally.

This is all unnatural.

I change the stream to keep him on track until he’s out of sight.

I turn and run in the opposite direction of camp, my mind reeling.

I’ve never killed anyone before but letting Seraphin live would have been too much of a risk.

It needed to be done.

I try to reassure myself of that again and again, but it’s hard to believe when the moment the life drained out of him plays on repeat in my mind.

I killed him.

I stop running just to be sick into a bush, expelling everything my stomach has to offer, then go on without looking back.

I find myself in front of Keahi’s apartment in no time and enter without ringing the bell.

He quickly rushes into the living room at the sudden noise but stops dead in his tracks when he sees me.

I’m only wearing a bra and slightly ripped jeans, am covered in blood, and my limbs are trembling.

"What happened?" Keahi finally asks, looking alarmed.

"Are you hurt?" I shake my head and try to calm down.

I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine!

"Malia, what happened?" he asks warily while taking a careful step toward me.

The act makes me feel like a cornered animal at the side of the road and I despise that.

"Nothing,” I snap, crossing my arms over my chest protectively.

“I got the information." With that answer, a sudden numbness spreads through my body and calms my frantic mind.

I did what I had to do and got what I needed.

Keahi takes another measured step toward me, but I stop him with a glare.

"I’m fine.

I’ll take a shower." He doesn’t try to stop me, and I go and lock myself in the bathroom.

Once the water is running burning hot, I start scrubbing Seraphin’s blood off me.

It’s everywhere, all over my arms, and chest, staining my cuticles, and drying beneath my fingernails.

The numbness I oh so welcomed disappears as quickly as it came, and I start shaking once again.

Before the spray of the shower hit me, the blood had turned from a dark crimson to a reddish brown.

Now, the water is stained red, making it impossible for me to pretend the crusty substance covering me is anything other than blood.

I watch it flow down the drain, horrified but unable to wrench my gaze away.

What have I done? Why is there so much blood? Even long after any hint of his blood is off me and my skin is raw, I keep scrubbing.

I don’t know what else to do but keep on scrubbing.

"Malia?" Keahi’s voice calls from the other side of the door at one point.

My hand halts over my skin, but I can’t find the voice to answer.

"There are fresh clothes in front of the door. Do you need anything else?" he asks, but I can’t speak. I don’t know what would happen if I tried to speak. What sound would wretch itself from my sore throat. "I’ll wait in my room then."

I stay under the water long after Keahi’s steps have disappeared.

The spray turns ice cold at some point, but I can’t seem to care.

As soon as I leave the shower, I miss the comfort my element has provided me with, but I force myself to go on.

I can’t stay in the bathroom forever; it won’t help anyone.

I put on the loose shirt and sweatpants Keahi laid out for me and head for the couch in his living room.

It’s still stained with my blood, and that sight alone is enough to make me want to curl up in a ball or throw up. Or both.

I turn on my heels to go to Keahi’s room instead, hesitating slightly before entering.

It’s fine.

With one last deep breath, I go inside. Keahi sits on his bed and looks at me over the rim of a book.

"What do you read now that you’re out of school?" That’s somehow what I end up asking, my voice unexpectedly even.

Keahi seems a little surprised but then smiles softly at me.

It does something weird to my nervous system, the tenderness behind it.

"Crime Story.

It’s not very catchy though." I’m tempted to smile at the memory he’s reciting but don’t.

Get a grip on it already, you have a job to do. I can practically hear my parents’ voices scolding me for being so dramatic. "You can sit down if you want," Keahi says, referring to the bed. I sit down at the very edge of it before starting to tell him what I’ve found out.

My eyes are trained on his sheets between my fingers throughout it all, but I can feel his gaze heavy on me.

It’s an effort to keep my voice even, and I wish he’d look somewhere else.

I tell him when the attack is supposed to be and that they are going to cause a distraction someplace else.

Getting that information felt like a big success moments ago, but it seems like so little now that I’ve said it out loud.

"He couldn’t tell me more.

Some of the adults were just having the meeting to plan further strategics tonight." I keep my voice steady but can’t meet Keahi’s eyes.

His attention is still on me, and it makes me want to lash out.

"That’s good, we can work with that.

It’s certainly a lot more than we had before," he keeps his voice casual, but I can’t shake the feeling that he is disappointed.

"What’s going to happen now? I can’t go back to the camp, that’s for sure, so how am I useful?” My voice is cold and strong despite the fact that I feel anything but.

I should have thought further ahead before giving him all the information.

I can’t believe I didn’t consider it.

Keahi could throw me out now and I’d be as good as dead. I probably am no matter what. More panic clutches my insides.

"I figured you’d stay here.

My supervisor would like to talk to you as well and he might want you to help him plan the counterattack.

You know more about their ways than we do so don’t worry about not being useful." His gentle voice is unsettling. No one has spoken to me like that in over four years. It makes me wonder what he’s playing at.

"Can you tell me how you got the information and why you stormed into my house the way you did?" he wonders cautiously, finally asking what I knew he was building up to.

My defense snaps back into place.

"I could but I don’t see a reason as to why I should.

It doesn’t affect the mission," I point out.

"If that’s all, I’ll go to sleep now." With that, I get to my feet to make an exit before he can protest.

I linger in his living room, unsure of what to do in the face of his bloody couch and no other furniture meant to be used as a bed.

My eyes keep falling back to the fluffy rug encircling his couch, so I finally just lie down on that, turning my back to the bloody mess.

Soft steps follow me and then Keahi speaks to my back.

"You can’t possibly sleep on that." I sit back up and roll my eyes at his refusal to leave me alone despite my dismissal.

"Do you think I had a four-poster bed back at camp? I’ll be fine," I huff.

He seems a little deterred by that and disappears into his bedroom with slow steps only to come back moments later, looking stricken.

"I’m guessing you wouldn’t take the bed even if I offered"? he asks.

"Nope."

"Not even if I insisted? It seems more fitting for a princess after all."

"I told you what would happen if you called me that again, right?" I challenge him, even as something becomes loose inside of me at the term.

I don’t like that it does, and I won’t analyze it, rather brushing it off to appreciating some familiar distraction to get my mind off tonight’s events.

Even if it comes in the form of verbally sparring with an old nemesis.

"It’s worth the risk.

Now, get into my bed before this ends in a fight."

"You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Real smooth as well, might I add." I can’t help but slip a little sarcasm into this conversation.

The stars above know I can use some humor or bickering right about now.

I’ll go back to hating him properly in the morning.

"Malia," Keahi presses, though I do see the pleased expression in his eyes.

I don’t like it.

I’m merely going along to make myself feel better. He shouldn’t get anything out of this.

"I told you; I don’t need a bed."

"You told me you didn’t have a bed.

Sounds to me as if you’ve got some time in one to catch up on." I ignore him as he sits down on a clean part of the couch.

"I can stay here all night and watch you sleep instead if that is what you’d prefer."

I mull my options over and quickly come to the conclusion that having him watch me try and sleep is out of question.

I groan and get up.

"Out of everything that happened tonight, you must be the worst part," I lie before disappearing into his room.

I reluctantly crawl under his blanket and am instantly greeted by his smell.

I subconsciously take a deep breath before cursing myself for exactly that. His mattress molds to me in a long-forgotten way, enveloping me in a tight hug. I sigh and let myself sink deeper into it.

I would have expected to have another sleepless night, especially after what I did to Seraphin, but I pass out almost instantly.

I am in a real bed, in a real house, and far away from the camp.

But I am not safe. I will never be safe. And now neither will Keahi.

I’m fifteen again and spending the night in the library with Keahi.

His head is on top of my legs as he drifts off, my fingers playing with his tight curls.

I feel so happy as I look down at him. So genuinely happy that I can hardly imagine it. Stars, I forgot what it was like to have pure, uncomplicated feelings. Feelings unmarred by one and a half years spent in that dark cell that smells of blood and sweat and feces.

"At least you won’t be able to sneak out on me this time," I whisper, thinking Keahi is already asleep.

It seems I was incorrect because after a beat, the boy replies.

"Sorry Princess.

I won’t leave you again."

I snap out of my dream and sit up, my eyes instantly falling on the silhouette in the doorframe.

My pulse skyrockets and I scramble backward until my back hits the head of the bed.

I’m in a bed. I look around in search of a weapon until I recognize my whereabouts and it dawns on me who the silhouette I just saw belongs to. My disorientation wanes a little.

"Did I wake you? You were talking in your sleep, so I thought I’d check in," Keahi says sleepily.

My heart’s pace returns to normal.

"Fuck off," I snap defensively.

Why is he always so nosy?

A beat of silence passes.

"It was the night in the library, wasn’t it?"

"I have no idea what you’re talking about." I cross my arms, anything to shield me from him and the onslaught of conflicted emotions he rouses in me.

"You murmured that at least I wouldn’t be able to sneak out on you again.

That’s what you told me that night in the library.

I replied I wouldn’t leave you again."

"Ah, and what a sweet lie that was," I hum, dropping the act to glare at him.

He doesn’t answer and I somehow feel the need to keep talking.

"I really believed you, you know. How about you check the back pocket of my pants on that dresser?"

Keahi remains standing still and my patience wears thinner.

A little more encouragement then.

"Don’t be shy, go on." He finally moves toward said dresser and pulls out a piece of paper from the pocket of my ruined uniform. The very piece that he dropped for me to find the day I was taken from the academy. He opens and reads it. After that, he stares at me without saying a word.

That note is the only thing I still have from my time at Arcane and it serves as a desperate tether I never got myself to shake.

I’m suddenly glad for the darkness in the room because I don’t feel like seeing his face right now.

I don’t know why I told him about it, but it felt right.

Even though he says nothing. Maybe especially because of that.

The thick fog of sleep clouding my mind thins, leaving space for doubt to creep in as he holds my gaze determinedly.

I don’t know what that look means but I get the feeling showing him the note might not have given him the right idea.

He carefully places the piece of paper back on the dresser and walks toward me, stepping so closely to the edge of the bed that I hold my breath.