Page 58 of Always Been You

I ignored him. I’m sure he thought we all were the same.

Pops had quite a name for himself. A part of me was jealous.

I couldn’t say I wasn’t disappointed by his absence because I was.

I get it. There isn’t much he could have done from here physically, but he at least could have tried.

He could’ve reached out. He could’ve written to me.

I navigated my own life while trying to become a man.

The task was accomplished, but damn, wasn’t it a hard pull that could’ve been made much easier through his guidance.

Even from here, his words could’ve been impactful.

Instead, he robbed me of his presence. Even though I understood, I couldn’t quite forgive it.

Before I could go down the rabbit hole of my feelings too long, I saw him being led to me on the other side of the glass.

He was shackled on his wrists, legs, and stomach.

When he came across the threshold of the door, his chains were removed.

Some shit happened in my chest that I had never felt before.

A bit of fear washed over me. I was his carbon copy.

The same height. His build was bulkier, but damn sure had the same face.

His features were made rugged by time, but there was no denying who I was to him.

He walked to the table and sat on the opposite side.

For a moment, we just took each other in.

I found myself trying to find a place for my hands as they began to fidget too much.

I stuffed them in my pockets to try to bring them into subjection.

I was nervous as hell and had no idea where to start.

“Why,” I started, but he cut me off quickly.

“Because I had to. Because it was what was best for you and your mother. Leaving you and your mother was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was the easiest decision I've ever had to make.” His eyes pierced mine, and his tone was serious. “But I never left you. I was there even when I couldn’t be there physically. I made sure you were surrounded. The crown you wear is one that was passed down to you from me. You a hard nigga in your own right, but you had some help along the way. Plus, you already started with a target on your back because of me. I couldn’t allow you to come here because the life I led created a lot of allies, but it also created enemies. I would have been less of a man to allow you and your mother to be vulnerable to that when I wasn’t out there to protect you.

But the people who owed me loyalty stayed close to you.

And now you can stand on your own. That’s the only reason I allowed this. ”

“And Slash?” I might as well get all the answers while I'm here.

“That muthafucka always wanted to be me. He was nothing but a jealous nigga, and I should have seen the snake in him. That was my fuck up. Brother or not, my biggest regret was not putting that nigga in the dirt. But he is a memory, and it was poetic justice that his own son killed him.”

My eyes bucked at his revelation. Even I didn’t know that was what happened. That shit was crazy. Kole killed his own father. My uncle. Damn!

“These streets in here ain’t too far removed from the ones you walk on, son.”

“I see.”

“You are your father’s son.” I caught the secret meaning behind his statement.

He knew I killed Kole, and I could see a swell of pride in his eyes.

Quickly, he stood to his feet. His jerky movement startled me, and it startled the guard as I saw him place his hand over his weapon.

My father extended his hand to me, and when I took it, he pulled me into him for an embrace.

Was the visit ending so quickly? Why was he leaving when we had a whole hour?

He moved his hand to the back of my head and pulled my ear closer.

“I’m proud of you boy! I love you, but don’t come here again. I gotta be able to do this time, and seeing you does too much to my heart. I’ll always keep an eye on you.” He placed some space between us, but still held my hand briefly, and I saw his eyes mist over, and mine did the same.

“I need you,” I didn’t care how it sounded. That was my truth.

“If you learn nothing else from me, learn this. Take care of your family and your woman. I love you.” He pulled me in again and placed a kiss on my forehead, and turned to leave.

I stood there until he was shackled again and carried away.

I didn’t know how I quite felt about his demand, but I knew I would obey his wishes.

I didn’t get everything I wanted from this visit, yet there was enough to close this chapter and move on the best I could.

I was beginning to understand that you don’t always receive the closure you wanted in life.

If I couldn’t learn from his presence, I could learn from his mistakes.

My family was waiting on me, and the whole way home, I was thinking about how I would never let them down the way I had been.

There was a difference between a boy and a man, and I would forever model that before them. Especially MJ.

When I got home, I stepped off the plane like I hadn’t missed a beat. There was one final task to complete before I could get some rest. My heart exploded in my chest when I turned in my driveway and saw Dyami, Trina, and MJ waiting for me.

“How was your trip, Daddy?” MJ asked first.

“Good, but I missed you,” I said, honestly, scooping him up. I walked over to Dyami, kissed her lips, and then hugged Trina.

“I told you, I can go by myself. You sure you don’t want to get some rest?” Dyami asked.

“As much as I miss yo ass, you gone have to beat me off of you.”

Trina made a fake throw-up sound, and we all laughed as we approached the car.

“Daddy, where are we going?” MJ asked while I helped him out of the backseat of the car.

He was doing the best he could with the news of Crystal's death. We had her funeral last week. He was only four, so he didn’t fully understand the concept.

The only change was that he was exceptionally clingy.

I welcomed that because I felt the same way.

I wanted everyone I loved close to me. I knew as he grew older, I would have to help him out, but the good part about it was I didn’t have to do it alone.

I had a solid ass village around me, and most importantly, I had my woman who would soon be my wife.

I hadn’t asked her yet, but I knew I would soon.

So far, our living arrangements hadn’t changed, outside of Chubby and Chante getting their place not too far from us.

I get that Chubby was a man with pride, so we wouldn’t be under the same roof.

He was my right hand, so he would always have my loyalty.

“We are here to pick up Dyami’s mom and take her to her new place.”

“Is she nice like Ms. Dyami?” MJ asked innocently

“Of course she is.” I put a smile on my face and gripped his hand.

When I looked up toward the front seat, Dyami hadn’t bulged.

She had so much anxiety surrounding this day.

She was scared her mother would slip into her old ways.

I tried to calm her about it, but I knew my baby was pulling her hair out.

At the end, there was nothing she could do but hope for the best. That didn’t ease her.

I walked around the car with MJ, and I opened it.

“Come on, baby.”

“I know I’m just- “

“Don’t overthink. It will be okay.” I said, beckoning her out of the door.

She gripped my hand and got out. We all walked into the hospital hand in hand.

We took the elevators up, and when we arrived at Dyami’s mother’s room, she was packing up her things.

Her weight was coming back. I don’t remember a time she looked so healthy and refreshed.

I prayed she kept herself like this. She wasn’t an old woman.

If she kept herself together, she could have plenty of good life left.

“It’s big in here!” MJ announced, pulling a laugh from everyone.

“You are looking good, Ms. Taylor.” I complimented.

“Thanks, honey. Where do you think Dyami got it from?” She said with a smile, continuing to pack.

Dyami smiled weakly, still showing a little worry on her face.

I wanted to solve that for her. It hurt knowing I couldn’t.

Some things only time could tell. I let the women buzz around me as they waited for the final discharge papers.

I stood to go to the restroom, and when I looked into the hallway, I stopped because I felt like I saw a ghost.

“You ok?” Dyami asked. I couldn’t even answer her. Quickly, I paced my steps in his direction. As I walked toward him, there was no denying it. The dreads were gone, but it was definitely him. The only change was the slight limp he sported.

“Aye, Brick,” I called to him, and he stopped his movement to give me his attention. I closed the distance between us. In his typical fashion, he didn’t respond to me.

“I’m glad you're good. I just thought- “

“That’s what you get for thinking.” He turned and finished his walk to wherever he was going.

Seeing him left me a little stunned. I was happy for him, and I was happy for Smoke.

Loss wasn’t easy, and lately I had known that all too well.

As big an asshole as he was, I was glad he was still here.

He could pick up where he left off because I was done with all this shit.

I felt Dyami’s arms wrap around my midsection, and her sweet perfume tickled my senses. I relaxed naturally.

“You ready?” Dyami asked. I gave her my attention, and I saw her mother and MJ behind her.

“Yes, let's go. We got a flight to catch.” I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips for a kiss. She was my everything, and I would spend a lifetime showing her how special she was.