Page 37 of Always Been You

Dyami

I looked out the window, lost in my thoughts.

I was still numb to a lot, but I was starting to pull my head together the best I could.

For the past week, all I would do was see my mother at the hospital and go directly back to the house.

I took a leave from work for two weeks since my mother was admitted.

They understood and extended best wishes.

My mother’s fate was still up in the air.

She remained in a coma and unresponsive.

All we could do was go up there and pray that things would turn out for the best. I still felt the sting of guilt at my last words to her, but I clung to the hope that they indeed wouldn’t be my final words.

I needed to make that right, and I prayed every second for God to allow me that chance.

“This damn girl is getting on my nerves!” Chante said with a scowl. Trina had just hopped out of her car, slammed the door, and walked into the house.

“I’ll talk to her,” I said quietly. Trina had been acting like a damn brat every day that we went to the hospital for Momma.

She begged to go to school or to see her friends, but that was absolutely out of the question right now.

We hadn’t heard anything from Jay. I wasn’t sure he was going to keep everything quiet, but I couldn’t chance her going out and getting to him.

He would twist her mind, and to top it all off, we didn’t know the ins and outs of what was going on with Marcos, but we knew it was huge.

He was barely around. Since I got here, we hadn’t talked much since the initial night.

He just gave us some rules. We are not to leave without telling him, and we must always keep Chubby with us.

But it wasn’t lost on me that we always had a car following not too far behind us.

I was going with the flow because I didn’t have a lot of fight left in me.

I was barely able to pull myself out of bed, so going somewhere wasn’t a priority.

Apparently, I wasn’t a priority to him either, since all the time that he was spending here was mainly spent with MJ.

I knew the whole thing was complicated, but I was starting to feel imprisoned and neglected.

I wanted to go home and get things back to normal.

I had to face the reality that it may never happen that way again.

I knew where Trina was coming from, but that gave her no right to be carrying around her stank ass attitude, especially after what she did to me.

She may have been young, but she knew sleeping with Jay was wrong, whether she felt like she was a willing participant or not.

The thought of Jay made my stomach turn to the point that I felt like I was going to regurgitate.

It was still fuck him as far as I was concerned.

“You better, because she got one more time to slam my damn door like she's crazy.”

“I know,” I said as I peered out into the driveway and my eyes landed on Marcos’s Bentley.

“What’s wrong, boo?” Chante picked up on my energy.

“I’m just feeling lonely. I can’t go home. I mean everybody in their worlds and…”

“No, say the real bitch! Marcos is flying in and out of here, and you not getting the attention you want. You just have to talk to him. At least I can tell you are doing better. Wanting some dick is the first sign,” she laughed.

“I did not say that!”

“Girl, please, that pussy is probably barking in them pants. I’m glad you noticing things. That means your mental health is getting better. You have a lot on you, so we will go shopping and get some drinks to wind down. Maybe the fellas will come.”

“I doubt it. He’s just been so wrapped up lately.”

She got out of the car. I was in step with her as we went through the doors of the mega mansion we were staying in.

Now that I had come out of my mini fog and had digested everything that was around me, I had quite a few questions for Marcos.

I understood what he was, but I didn’t realize things were on this scale for him.

This was a million-dollar home. 1.4 million to be exact.

I googled it. The house I had been to was very nice, and so was his mother’s.

How many other houses did he own, and what kind of reach did he have?

I realized that I had based many of my feelings on what I knew about him then, rather than what I know about him now.

I identified that as one of my flaws as I replayed the Jay scenario over and over in my mind.

I needed to be more aware of every situation I was getting into before just signing up for relationships.

I thought I was putting up a wall with people, but I was actually letting men in way too quickly.

I was determined to be smarter, not only for myself, but also for my sister, Trina.

I couldn’t place all this blame on her. She had no real example of a mother.

She was taken advantage of just like I had been.

It happens, but I would never sacrifice my relationship with my sister over a man.

Now more than ever, we needed each other.

“Why don’t any of these doors lock in this house?” Trina sassed as she plopped down on the bed as I walked into the room that she claimed as hers.

“Now, Trina, you know we ain’t never been in no house this big in our life.

This is way better than where we grew up.

” I teased. “Look, sis, I know you've been through a lot. I know how it feels because I grew up with Mama, too. I think now more than ever, we need to make sure we are there for momma. We don’t know how she is going to come out of all of this.”

“What do you think she may not make it?” she whispered, looking down at the floor.

“We're not going to think like that. We are going to stay positive.” I tried to be strong and express confidence, but she was right. As the days went by and she was unresponsive, I started to fear the worst. As the silence fell between us, I knew I wanted to say so much more to her, but I couldn’t seem to find the words.

“Mimi, I’m sorry. I’ve done a lot of stuff I know I shouldn’t have, but I knew that was wrong. I shouldn’t have slept with your ex. He made me feel like he would look out for me,” Trina admitted.

“Trina, the only person who should be sorry is Jay’s nasty ass.

We're going to figure all this out, and we will be home soon. You are going to live with me, and I’ll make sure you have everything you need.

Right now, you got to cool it with this attitude you're dragging around and make the best of where we are for now.”

“I just feel like you're always forgetting about me. Since you got back with Marcos, you are around less than before. Even in this house, I only see you when we are about to go see Mom.”

“I been zoned out, but I will do better, I promise. You are my sister Trina, and that will never change. I love you, and we will work everything out. Just give me a little patience.”

“So this stuff with Marcos. How long will it last?”

“That’s nothing for you to worry about, but I’m sure it will be over soon,” I assured her, disappearing back into the house.

It was crazy that it was seven of us staying here, but I hardly ever bumped into anyone but Chante and Chubby.

Hell, I saw them more than I saw Marcos, really.

Trina was always in her room doing her thing, and MJ and Ms. Lyn were in the other wing, where Marcos spent all his free time.

I walked down the long hall and went to one of the kitchens. Surprisingly, I saw Marcos there.

“Hey,” I said quietly, trying to move around him.

His firm hand gripped my waist to hold me in place.

His other hand turned my face to his. He went in for a kiss, but I turned my cheek to him.

He tried again and was met with the same response from me.

I slipped from him and did my best to make a quick escape.

“Don’t walk away from me.” His command stopped my motion.

Hearing his voice made my nerves stand on end.

Longing burst through me like no other, hearing him speak.

Over the last few days, I know he had to talk to me.

But for some reason, right now, I felt like I was hearing his voice for the first time all over again.

He surprised me when I felt his strong arms grip me from behind.

“I know it’s a lot of shit going on. I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you like I should have. All the things that I’m doing are for us, but that’s no excuse for that. I’m here now, and I’m not falling back from you like that anymore, Mi. You’re important to me, too.”

The “too” he spoke of was referring to MJ.

He hadn’t talked about how everything came out about MJ’s paternity, but I knew he was disrupted to the core.

Though the things he was saying were true, I wasn’t going to speak about them.

We both were going through it, and I tried to hold myself up the best I could, like he was trying to do the same.

I missed him, though. This is the first time that while I was with someone, I didn’t just long for their presence, I longed for our intimacy.

I missed the times when we would laugh together.

When we lay next to each other, he would steal kisses from me, and I missed how he would have me screaming his name.

I felt unimaginable emotions from every direction.

What I felt for him was the one thing I could place.

I had a lot of questions, but my feelings were strong, and the bond we had drew me to him like a magnet.

“It’s okay,” I replied awkwardly.

“It’s not, so that stops now.” He walked in front of me and bent in for a kiss again, and this time I didn’t resist. I let him explore my mouth with his tongue as his hands roamed all over my tingling body.

“No, we need to talk, Marcos.” I fought out.

“We will. I need you first. You need me too.”