Page 32 of Always Been You

Terror

T he monitors' beeping caused me to stir in my sleep.

I noticed a pain in my midsection. I pulled up the blankets and uncovered a bandage on the right part of my torso.

I threw my head against the bed to gather my thoughts.

It took a few moments to realize where I was and what the hell had happened.

Hell nah, this nigga was going to pay for this shit immediately.

Once the sequence of events floated through my head, I was charged up.

I sat up too quickly, and a piercing pain knocked me back down to the bed.

My teeth chattered so hard, I felt blood gather in my mouth.

“Ahh fuck!” I winced and collapsed. The pain was unbearable and made my movements considerably slower.

I reached for the hospital bed rail and lifted myself slowly.

I looked around the room and saw my mother in a chair in the corner, sleeping.

The monitors continuing to sound off were the only things cutting through the deafening silence.

I didn’t want to come to terms with what I had just been through.

I did not want to think. I only wanted to feel anger about the situation.

I didn’t want to marry the other emotion that was bursting through so vibrantly and aggressively.

I couldn’t accept it. I didn’t even want to speak the words aloud.

There was no way I could stomach the fact that my son wasn’t mine.

The son I've invested everything in for the last four years. The boy who only knew me as his father. I had trust accounts and his whole future set up. It wasn’t about the money.

It was the principle. The way I thought about not only his present but also his future.

Now I had to face the fact that this whole thing was a lie?

How do you walk away from a child who made an imprint on your heart?

I would lay my life down for him at any time. I damn near did already.

Kole didn’t care that MJ was there when he started shooting.

I jumped in front of MJ so that Crystal could take him away.

That’s when Kole hit me on my side. It was so much adrenaline flowing through me that I didn’t feel it at the time.

That was the only shot that hit me. No matter what happened, I was going to protect MJ from any harm, even before my own safety.

I tackled him and we struggled for a minute.

I was able to get his gun from him, and that’s when he broke and made a run for it.

I hit him a few times. I know I did. I couldn’t see where.

He was moving so fast. Rightfully so because I was damn sure gone kill his ass.

So, what’s next? Do I test MJ to be sure?

The thought alone was enough to send a burning sensation through my chest. There was no way I wasn’t his father.

I loved that boy more than I loved myself.

I couldn’t take this shit. Tears slipped from my eyes at the thought of never seeing him again.

That wasn’t going to happen. Fuck what any test had to say.

I wasn’t going to leave him fatherless or allow Kole to turn him into a monster.

He was my son, and I would be completely okay with raising him by myself after I killed Kole and Crystal’s ass.

That bitch was not about to get off light with me.

She was one of the lowest muthafuckas I ever met.

Just a money-hungry, snake ass bitch. Thinking about her put a bad taste in my mouth.

She sat there like a damn deer in headlights instead of thinking of her own son and taking him to safety.

It never should have gotten to that point.

As soon as she would have gotten MJ out of the way, I would’ve killed Kole, and that could’ve been the end of all that shit.

Instead, I was laid up here with a damn bullet wound, and I didn’t even know where the fuck my son was.

I couldn’t rest for another second. I was about to get the fuck out of here and handle business.

The issue was pressing on me like the weight of the world, and until everything was handled, I couldn’t feel at peace.

I slowly sat up, bracing the bandage that was on my side, and swung my feet off the bed.

I began taking all the IVs out, which made the monitors go haywire.

That alerted my mom, and she stirred in her chair.

When she fixed her eyes on me, she jumped up and tried to get me back in bed.

“Marcos! No, baby, what are you doing?” She was frantic.

“Where’s MJ?”

“He’s at my house with Cry…” She trailed off.

Her words rattled me so bad I felt like my head was about to pop off my shoulders.

I was so pissed. I didn’t want her anywhere near my fucking child anymore.

Mother or not. This bitch really got down on me.

She knew the whole time. I could tell when I was looking into her eyes at her house.

She used me in the worst way, and she was going to have to get hers. Fuck that!

“You betta get that bitch out yo’ house, momma. She is a dead woman,” I said, standing.

“Don’t say that! Don’t talk like that here, and you will not do that, Marcos. She told me everything, and yes, she is very wrong, but—"

“MAN FUCK THAT! AAAHHH SHIT!!!” I swung my body to try to get around my mother, and I felt like a million knives pierced my skin.

I had been shot in the leg before, but I had never experienced pain like this.

My mom’s hands shot up to brace me from tripping and busting my ass on the cold hospital floor.

“Marcos, you don’t need to go to a damn place. They stitched you up two hours ago. Thankfully, the bullet went straight through and didn’t hit any organs. You need to stay here until you heal.”

“As long as that bitch is breathing, I ain’t sleeping for shit,” I growled, and she pursed her lips together as if she was thinking of what she could say to calm me down.

“You can’t say things like that! Especially here,” she said, looking around because she knew I was dead serious.

I had never had someone violate me in that way, and there was no way in hell I could let this shit stand.

I wasn’t about to argue about it. As much as I loved and respected my mom, she couldn’t stop it either.

This hate that I felt was in my veins. She lied about the one thing I cared about with every fiber of my being.

“I’m leaving,” I spoke in finality.

She looked at me with pleading eyes for a moment.

When she saw that I wouldn’t waiver, she dropped her head to the ground.

She took a deep breath and began gathering our things.

Ten minutes later, we were on the highway.

She spent a lot of the ride in silence. I’m sure she didn’t know what to say.

She knew about the whole situation, and I had no intention of rehearsing that shit.

The only time I spoke was when she tried to get off on the exit to take me home.

I told her I wanted to go to her house. She tried to argue with me, but I killed that conversation by telling her I was coming anyway.

She was only delaying the inevitable for fifteen minutes if she dropped me off at home. Her words began to flow like lava then.

“I know you are upset, but you need to think about what you’re saying, baby. She is wrong. She was very wrong, but she is still MJ’s mother. You can’t harm her.”

“If she were any type of mother, she wouldn’t have had MJ in that situation! I ate a bullet for MJ. She sat there like a fucking deer in headlights. She ain’t no type of mother to sit there and think of herself at a moment like that!”

“I understand, I really do. She is dead ass wrong, baby. But I couldn’t let her and MJ stay in the street after what happened.

I didn’t do that for her. I let them stay for my grandbaby.

Whoever this man is who tried to hurt you could come back and hurt MJ.

She called me when everything happened, and I made sure to tell her to come so she could be safe.

I couldn’t be the cause of something happening to her in my house.

You can’t do anything to that woman, Marcos.

” I saw tears start to well up in her eyes. I hated to see her cry.

“I’m not blaming you for anything. You did what you felt was right, and that’s what I’m going to do as well,” I said with finality.

“Damn it, boy! You are just like your father.”

“Yeah, well, where is he?” I shot back.

A silence fell so thick between us that I felt like we both were choking.

She knew I could do everything I said I would.

I didn’t tell my mother everything, but she knew exactly who I was and what I did.

She didn’t approve of it, just like any other mother wouldn’t.

She just realized it was my choice, and I had always been headstrong since I was a kid.

I scoffed— my father’s son.

Her hands shook visibly as she turned down the street to her house. Her final attempt was a dagger straight through my heart.

“Whether you forgive her or not is not the issue. And trust me, I understand that you may not have it in you to forgive her at this point. With all that being said, she is valuable to MJ. Mothers aren’t perfect, trust me, I know, and she made some terrible and trifling ass decisions.

At the end of it all, she is still his mother.

Yes, he may be able to live without his mother if absolutely necessary.

The question is, can he live with the father who he knows killed her?

” She put the car in park and quickly got out of the vehicle.