Page 17 of Always Been You

Dyami

My man.

That and Marcos being in the same sentence was crazy. Smiling, I picked up Jay’s flowers and threw them away. There was no comparison.

Knock! Knock!

Who the hell was coming over here? I wasn’t expecting any visitors.

No one ever came over, and I knew for damn sure it was too early for Jay to be pulling his bullshit.

When I got to the door, I looked through the peephole and tensed up immediately.

It was my mother, and she looked like a damn mess.

Her shirt had stains all over it, and it looked like it hadn’t been changed in weeks.

Her long, black hair was tangled and a mess, and her clothes hung off her due to her being so thin.

It was a damn shame looking at her now and remembering how she looked once before.

Her once brown skin looked grayish and pale.

Her bright eyes had no light in them. But what was I supposed to do?

That was my mother. I hid my money first, and I opened the door.

“Hey, baby!!!” she said, rushing in for a hug, which I side-stepped due to her smell.

“Why are you here, Mom?”

“Well, excuse me, Ms. High and Mighty. I just came to check on you.”

“I went by the house last week, and the lights were off. Trina wasn’t even home and hadn’t been for a few days,” I scolded her.

“Trina damn near grown, she don’t need me up her ass every second.”

“Well, what do you want? I don’t have any money,” I fumed. Why the hell did my mom have to be like this?

“I didn’t ask you for money! And I know you have a few dollas you can give me. You work that good ass job at the hospital.”

“And I have bills just like anyone else. Plus, I’m paying the bills you don’t pay at your house!”

“Okay, and? Just give me some fucking money, Dyami, I know you got it!” she said, looking through my drawers and trying to walk towards my room, and I stepped in front of her to stop her.

I wasn’t about to even let her close to my room, where she could see what she could pick up, or get to the money Marcos gave me.

I rolled my eyes. She couldn’t even hide her reason for being here.

It was incredibly sad that I didn’t even know who this person was standing in front of me.

She certainly wasn’t a mother or anything close to a responsible adult.

I knew addiction was a hard thing to kick, but it just seemed like, at least for her children, she would have tried a little harder.

She fucked my childhood up, and I felt like she was doing her best to mess up my adult life too.

I walked over to my purse and snatched out the little bit of cash that I did have and threw it on the ground in front of her.

“Here is your fucking money now leave.”

“You're such an ungrateful little bitch! I gave birth to yo’ ass and you can’t treat me no better than that?” she said, snatching up the money from the ground.

“Yeah, and what else have you done? That’s all you fucking did. I had to damn near take care of myself and Trina since we were babies. You got your money. Get the hell away from me.”

“Yo' broke ass only got forty dollas. I guess that job ain’t doing so good, is it? You want to act like you're all this and that, but nobody wants your ugly ass either. Bitch where's your man at? Oh yeah, I forgot,” she chuckled to herself after taking a dig at me. She left, and I was floored. You would think by now I would be used to her, but it still tore my heart into pieces to see her that way. I shouldn’t have spoken to her like that. I just got so damn tired. I was tired of being used, and I didn’t know how to end it.

All that would flash through my mind is my mother doing God knows what to get high.

I knew she would find a way to get what she wanted.

I plopped onto the couch, and I felt tears streaming down my face.

Here I was trying to make something out of my life, but I could never get ahead on my own because she was always bringing me down.

What would she do when she found out Marcos was in my life? I refused to allow her to take advantage of him.

I had to get out of the house before the walls closed in.

I grabbed my keys off the table and took off.

I drove around until I came to one of my favorite parks, looked out at the lake, and wished things were different.

I wanted my own life so bad, but how could I desert my sister?

I knew it wasn’t my responsibility to be her mother, but she damn sure needed somebody.

My mom couldn’t help Trina through her first period, through her first heartache.

She wasn’t there for her through anything.

I went through all those things alone. I couldn’t turn a blind eye to the heartbreak of my sister.

I didn’t want to be her mother, but I had to.

She was going down the wrong path. I just knew it, and I wasn’t doing a good enough job of keeping track of her.

My phone intruded on my thoughts, and I could never have imagined I could smile at a time like this, but the name alone curved my lips upward.

“Hey.” I tried to sound natural.

“What’s good, Mi?” Marcos' voice sent a tingle through me.

“Just at the park,” I said quietly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing… just… my mom.”

“Damn, still?”

I couldn’t even reply. I was just glad as hell he understood. I didn’t have the energy to explain it. For the first time since I’d seen him, my thoughts surpassed the initial attraction. I felt a longing for his warmth. For his embrace.

“Share your location. I’m on the way.”

Within twenty minutes, he arrived in his blacked-out Lambo.

He was dressed in a pair of sweats and a black thermal that fit snugly around his biceps.

He had gained a lot of muscle. His physique was always nice, but now he was a grown ass man, leaking confidence.

When he smiled, I saw he had his diamonds in.

He made anything sexy. I could imagine the bitches smiling in his face with those in.

He opened my car door, pulled me out, and wrapped me in a hug. A hug I needed so badly. I inhaled his scent and stayed there with him for a while. He stood firm and didn’t break his hold on me until I did.

“I’m sorry that shit is still fucking with you,” he said, looking down at me.

“She’s gotten even worse,” I admitted.

“Damn. What happened?”

“Came over to the house looking for money and trying to go through all my stuff.” He reached into his wallet, and I stopped him.

“No, you don’t have to do that. I gave her just enough for her next hit, and I shouldn’t have done that.

I talked to her so crazy, and I shouldn’t have. She just takes me there.”

“You human, baby. A lot of people in your position would’ve cut her off.”

“I feel like I should, but I know that will be one of the hardest decisions. Why couldn’t I have a normal fucking mother like yours?”

“She ain’t necessarily normal, but I know what you mean. Just know you don’t have to go through it by yourself. I’m here for you and Trina for whatever y’all need. I don’t want you stressing about this shit.”

There he was again. Always, Marcos, my Superhero.

“How is Ms. Lyn?” I asked, referring to his mom.

“She good. She's been on my head about bringing you over soon.”

“I love her! We should.”

“We will.”

We stared at each other for a moment, and I wanted to feel his lips against mine so badly.

I wasn’t shy by nature, but it seemed like with him.

I was constantly second-guessing. It was like he was a magnet as I rose to my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his.

Immediately, he deepened our kiss. He was aggressive with his tongue, seeking my mouth’s sweetness.

He tangled his hands in my hair and pulled my hips against him.

I didn’t want to part from him. I wanted to lose myself.

I tried to replace the emotion I was feeling with something else.

I wanted to feel good. I was matching his aggression, and the kiss transformed from the sweet, gentle exploratory pecks we shared before to needy and nasty.

He broke away from me first, causing me to whimper.

He grabbed my throat, and his eyes burned with intensity.

“I need you to realize something about me right now. I’m not bullshittin' with you, and I ain’t got time to play no games.

I want you, and I’m going to have you. I can be patient, but once we cross this threshold,” he reached his other hand down and cupped my soaking pussy through my pants before he continued.

“That’s a whole different level. Once you locked in with me, it’s that.

I’m gone treat you like a queen, but I’m gone fuck you like a slut every chance I get.

You are going to be my fantasy. I want that pussy, I want that ass, I want that mouth, and everything that comes with you.

I’ll walk this shit as slowly as need be, but I’m a man that tames a beast every time you touch me.

Too much more, and he comes out of the cage.

So, next time you kiss me like that, make sure you ready for that type of commitment because I ain’t gone say that shit again,” he released me, and I felt my juices leaking down my leg.

I was on fucking fire and scared as hell all at the same time.

Shit, was I ready? I wanted to be even if I wasn’t.

I told him I wanted to take things slow, but I was prepared to take a chance.

Quite honestly, with any other guy, we probably would have already been on that level.

With Marcos, I wanted to be so cautious.

He backed away from me, creating a little distance, which I was thankful for. It gave me a moment to catch my breath.

“My restaurant is opening in two weeks. I need you to be there with me, making a nigga look good. We gotta go shopping to get some nice shit.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I planned on coming. That’s your birthday,” I said, coming to my senses.