Page 2 of Always Been You

I turned to see Ms. Annette jogging after me. A short woman with old-school, freeze curls, she never let go. Many people here didn’t like her. I loved her. She was fair, firm, and on her shit.

“Can you come in early tomorrow? Preston called off. I can split it between you and Brandon. Is two too early?”

“No, I got you.”

“Thank you, baby. I tell you what, you are more mature than these damn adults working here. I can’t wait until you graduate because I promise to promote you.” Annette said.

“Promote? Dyami ain’t going to be wasting any time around McDonald's. She is going far away to college and not thinking about our ass!” Tanisha, the other manager, chimed in from the opposite side of the lobby.

“I’ll be here tomorrow.” I pushed out the door.

Tanisha was right. I was out of here on the first thing smoking.

Getting a job at 16 was one of the best things that happened to me.

It got me out of the house, which was the biggest bonus.

McDonald's wasn’t a career, but it helped Trina and me get the things we needed.

It helped keep the lights on when my mother fell short and gave me some savings.

On graduation day, I was out of here. So, all extra days I could pick up, I would, especially since school had just gotten out.

I scanned the parking lot and my breath caught in my throat.

“What the hell?” I said as a smile slowly crept on my face.

Marcos was in the corner of the lot, sitting on top of a car. I ran up to him.

“What are you doing? Ms. Lyn let you drive?” I asked.

“Nah, this is mine.” He stood up to his full height. I stepped back and threw my hand up to my face to hide a blush.

“What do you mean by yours? You don’t have enough money to buy a car.” I countered.

“Who don’t? Come on. I’m gone take you home.”

I slipped into the passenger seat. In all my 16 years, I hadn’t been in a car that I could remember.

That was crazy to even think about. My mom never had a car, so I would either walk or catch the bus everywhere I went.

I was ready to catch the Clio Rd bus and see him waiting for me at the stop like he did every day when I got off.

If it were late sometimes, he would even catch the bus up to my job so that we could catch it home together.

“This shit nice, huh?” He asked, putting the car in reverse.

“Where did you learn how to drive, Marcos?”

“Damn you asking a lot of questions. You police? Where are you trying to go?”

I rolled my eyes, and he pushed. “Where you wanna go, for real?”

“What you mean? I want to go home. I smell like a grease pit.”

“Yeah, you lowkey making me hungry.”

I mushed the side of his head.

“I got a car, Dyami. Let’s ride.” He said more genuinely.

“I guess.” I hid my smile as I turned to the window.

“That’s what’s up. You're my first ride.”

“Umm hmm. I know you picked up one of ya little girlfriends.” I teased.

“Shit, I’m trying to make that you. Everybody already thinks you my girl.”

“Well, you should tell them we are just friends.”

“Why?” He scrunched his face up.

“Boy!” As soon as I finished, we both fell out laughing. The conversation died down as he got on I-475. We ended up getting off on the Hemphill Road exit and going to chill at the park behind the old McKinley.

“So, how did you get this car? Messing with Lanky nem?” I questioned.

“Just know I got it.”

“You're smarter than that, Marcos,” I said.

“You always say that, but I’m just trying to help. I see how you living and I know how I want to live. I’m careful.”

“Don’t be doing nothing stupid on account of me. I’m just fine catching the bus or walking home from work.”

“Walking on Clio Rd is a death sentence. I’m not having that shit, Dyami. I fuck with you too much. That’s why I’m waiting at that bus stop every day you get off. I don’t like that shit.”

“You over there talking like you grown. We both kids. We don’t have control over what happens around us. I’m just waiting to turn 18 to get the hell out of here and don’t look back.”

“What about me? You gone forget all about us?” Marcos sat up.

“Why are you saying us like that? And you can come with me. Get your mind off these niggas around here. Lanky nem ain’t gone do nothing but drag you down.

” I pointed my finger at his face. I hated that Marcos sold drugs.

I saw the pull the streets had on boys my age, and I heard a lot about how things could go wrong.

I liked Marcos for who he was. The simple things I couldn’t depend on anybody else for, I got from him.

“Why is everybody acting like they my best friends or something. I make money with them. It’s business.”

“It scares me to think that I’ll see you locked up one day.”

“I won’t end up like my Pops. I’m smart, like you said.”

I folded my arms across my chest.

“Damn you act like my momma. Get out.” He said as he got out. I didn’t move until he was at the passenger side, tugging on my door.

“What?” I whined.

“Get yo pretty ass out.” He pulled me up, and I was blushing again.

He closed the door, and he was dangerously close to me.

Marcos was so tall. The only boy I knew who was taller than him was a friend named Chubby, whom everyone thought would be a basketball player.

Over the last year, he had a growth spurt and had gotten much stronger.

Marcos, being 6’0, was like craning my neck up and looking at a tree.

As soon as my eyes met his, everything around us faded away.

I did my best to suppress those feelings, and most of the time it worked. Not right now.

He bent down to try to kiss me, and I slinked under his hold and stepped away. I laughed awkwardly and placed my hair behind my ear. He tapped his hand on the roof of the car.

“I’m, I’m sorry,” I said, turning away.

“It’s cool, Dyami.” I heard his steps come closer, and I panicked.

I circled back around him to the car. I was so embarrassed.

He turned to me and stilled his feet. This wasn’t the first time that Marcos tried to kiss me.

But it was the first time that I wanted to.

I really wanted to. I felt foreign in my own body.

So many different feelings firing that I had never felt before.

“I’m acting crazy. You should be with a girl who wants the same thing that you want.” I said with my back to the passenger door.

“The only one I’m interested in is you. I can wait.” He eased next to me, and I heard the flick of his lighter. The blunt he lit illuminated in the night sky. He took a few pulls before he offered it to me. I took a few baby puffs, and by the third one, I was laughing and silly.

It was the most comfortable I could remember being. Smelling like old McDonald's, in a vacant parking lot, was an escape I never thought I would have or need. My fear was ever losing it and finding out he was just like everyone else.

“You are a safe place I never want to ruin. You are all I have, Marcos.”

“Ruin? The way I see it, it can only get better.” He affirmed.

“Marcos.” I dragged his name out.

“I hear you.”

“It’s late. I should get home.”

“I got you.”

The ride back to my place was dangerously quiet.

I hadn’t thought about the fact that it was after midnight, and I had been off for two hours.

I didn’t have the type of mother who would punish me for breaking curfew.

I didn’t have one. I didn’t even have rules.

What I did have was a mother who would talk shit to me.

She would accuse me of fucking every boy she saw sniffing around me, even though I was a virgin.

That’s why I couldn’t ruin what I had with Marcos.

With him, it was no pressure, and I hoped like hell my actions tonight didn’t do that.

“I like you, Dyami. I can tell you like me.” Marcos pressed again. I looked at him as we rode through the night. He was so handsome, and this car would put him in a different realm with the girls around here.

“As a friend. I’m not ready for the things you are ready for.” I looked out the window, unsure of how to fully express my feelings.

“What am I ready for?” He asked. I didn’t have a response. We didn’t say another word until he pulled into my driveway.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said as the car stopped. I tried to get out of the car as fast as I could, but his hand on my wrist stopped me.

“Dyami, it's cool.” He looked at me squarely.

I nodded and scurried inside. He said it was cool, but for how long?

I cried my eyes out all night. You couldn’t have told me I would ever see Marcos again.

I mean, he was the finest boy in my school.

He had money, and now he had a car? Girls were already after him, and now that would only intensify the situation.

It was only a matter of time before I was a memory.

His new girlfriend wouldn’t be too thrilled with him being around me all the time.

I just knew I didn’t want to do something I wasn’t ready for.

College was my way out. I had to focus on that, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

My pillow filled with tears, and my heart broke all night.

The very next day, I dragged myself to work and planned on catching the bus home, only to see him waiting outside for me.

He did it every day without us exchanging as much as a kiss.

He was everything to me. My best friend and the only person I could lean on.

Since I was working and my financial needs weren’t as great, my desire for his personal comfort increased.

Then, it all came crashing down in the blink of an eye.

Months later, I saw Marcos pull into my driveway. I ran downstairs, skipping steps two at a time.

“Where the hell are you going?” I heard my mother’s voice, but I didn’t respond. I couldn’t wait to get out of the house.

“Dyami Denise, I know you hear me talking to you.” She opened the screen door as soon as my feet hit the pavement. “Oh, I see you hot in the ass about that boy.”