Page 35 of Always Been You

“How you think?” I snapped. I know she didn’t deserve my attitude, but I was on edge.

“I just got in contact with T. He should be pulling up any minute,” Chubby said.

“Well damn, I’m glad he can finally call somebody, even if it ain’t me!” I shot.

“I know it’s crazy, but he was in some shit.” Chubby tried to cover for him.

“Fuck him! I want to go home, Chante.” I pivoted the conversation.

“Babe, you've been through a lot. You need to worry about resting. Marcos—"

“FUCK MARCOS! Fuck all these niggas! I am not worried about anybody’s excuses.

If he was with some other bitch that’s all you got to say!

I know that’s your boy, so you won’t say it, but I am not dumb, Chubby!

It is the middle of the night, and that nigga is unaccounted for.

What the fuck else is he doing? Like I said, I want to fucking go home!

If I only have a few days of freedom left in my life, I want to spend them sleeping in my own bed!

” I was an emotional mess, but I couldn’t stop my words from flowing like lava.

“Calm down. What do you mean by freedom? Nothing is going to happen. I told that nigga he better not talk, and he won’t. Trust me, he knows I meant every word!” Chante said.

“Plus, T gone take care of shit. That nigga is nothing, even I know that,” Chubby said, trying to pacify me.

“Marcos or Terror,” I threw up finger quotes to accentuate his hood name, “ain’t got to do shit for me!

I got myself in this situation, and I will get myself out!

I just need to get the fuck away from here and to my own home.

Apparently, this nigga not checking for me, so he can fill this house with the next bitch he fucking since he ain’t got time to get out another bitch’s pussy to pick up the phone for me! ”

“Give us a minute,” I heard Marcos’ voice boom from behind me.

I don’t know when the hell he got in here, but his voice was firm, and I could tell he heard every word I just spoke.

When I turned, his eyes were trained on me.

He leaned his body weight against the refrigerator as Chante and Chubby exited without a word.

His eyes continued to pierce mine until I finally looked at the ground.

“Look at me!” he snapped, and I obeyed him. “You talking all that shit, so don’t get fucking bashful now,” he urged.

“Well, where the hell were you? I was blowing you up all damn night, so don’t come in here acting like it’s cool that you've been a ghost. I fuckin’ needed you and you were nowhere to be found, so don’t yell at me!

” I shot back at him. I wasn’t going to be the fool twice.

He could act like everything was sweet, but it wasn’t, and I had some questions for his ass.

“First and foremost, you need to lower your damn voice when you talk to me. I get that you been through some shit, but you not the only one. Not only did I fucking move heaven and earth when I heard about what happened to you, I did that after getting shot for jumping in front of a bullet that could’ve hit MJ.

Who I just fucking discovered may not even be my biological son after four fucking years of giving him my every damn thing.

So, if you can’t talk to me like you got some damn sense, you need to close your fucking mouth.

I never gave you a reason to doubt me. Not once. So don’t come at me like I have.”

“What?” I said breathlessly.

His words left me stunned. I couldn’t even fathom everything he just said.

I was still at a loss as to who shot him.

Did he say MJ wasn’t his? How did he find out?

Even though all these questions floated through my mind, I knew better than to give them life from my lips.

He wasn’t trying to hear shit, and he made that clear.

I didn’t know what to do but stare at him.

His left hand reached across his body and babied what I assumed was a gunshot wound on his right side, as he planted himself firmly on his two feet.

Why is he even here when he should be in a hospital?

I wanted to comfort him, but my words failed to come.

I knew for a fact that MJ was the most crucial thing in his life.

He let me know from the moment we spoke over the phone.

I could tell that by the way he waited to allow me to meet him, even with the fact that we had known each other for years.

“I’m sorry… I’m really sorry, baby.” I fought out.

“It ain’t shit,” he spoke, trying to wave it off. He couldn’t lie to me. I knew he was cut to the core. He turned his face away from mine. I reached up, placed my hand on his cheek, and turned him to face me again.

“It’s fucked up to find something like this out, baby. With what just happened to me, I just…I’m sorry.”

“You okay?” He looked at me squarely.

“I’m scared. I was just fueled with emotion when I saw that sleazy nigga on my sister. I just couldn’t,”

“Shh, nah, come here.” He pulled me close.

I raised on my toes and kissed his lips gently.

He surprised me when he deepened our kiss and pulled me against him.

I was trying to be careful not to hurt him.

I saw that he wasn’t letting go, so I returned his embrace and felt a flood of emotion travel through me.

Before I knew it, I was balling like a baby again while we both did our best to soothe each other.

We would have stayed there all night if Chante hadn’t interrupted us.

“Y’all good in here?” She tiptoed into our area.

“Yeah, we will be,” I responded as we both composed ourselves.

She quickly disappeared into the house. He enveloped my hand in his, and we sauntered toward the bedroom.

Before we went in, he spoke to me, “I’m going to fix all this for us.

I need you to trust me. I need you like air, especially right now.

Shit about to get murky for a minute, and I need to know you believe in me, or as much as I love you, this shit won’t work.

So, I need you to think about whether or not you can give me that. ”

That was the last word he said to me for the rest of the night.

I peeled my clothes off quietly and slipped into bed next to him.

I didn’t push him to talk. I just thought about his request. There was so much I didn’t understand about my situation, and now to add his on top of it all made me feel a crushing weight.

For him to ask me to trust him right now, after all the betrayal that I just experienced, not even twenty-four hours ago, was like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Everything was so fresh, and I hadn’t even processed the fact that my mother may not make it.

I knew at this very moment there was nothing I could do about all this.

As much as I tried to act like Superwoman, I was nothing close to it.

I'd fallen short so often lately when it came to my mother and sister. I didn’t even know the first step in trying to take care of it all, so I had no other option but to trust him fully.

The pain that we were going through simultaneously connected us.

He knew what I was feeling inside without a shadow of a doubt.

The only problem with that was he was a man, and in my experience, no matter how good you are to them, they always let you down in the end.

All I could do was pray that he didn’t fall into that category because I had no second chances left inside of me.