Page 40 of Always Been You

Crystal

I couldn’t lie. I was miserable. I was trying my best to keep up face with my crew, but I was failing horribly.

I was running out of money; I missed my son, and I was paranoid shitless every second of every day.

Terror’s mom had a little mercy on me on my way out and handed me a few thousand dollars when I left the house that day.

I made a huge mistake, but I don’t understand why I had to be punished to this extent.

Terror knew I had no money and no support.

He told me when I got pregnant, he would take care of things for me.

It didn’t matter what paternity said because look where MJ was now?

He is still with him, and he will still be his father.

We should be trying to find a way to move past this.

Instead of being mature about the situation, he had totally shut me out.

He had moved and refused even to let me hear my baby’s voice.

It wasn’t fair. I was his mother; no matter what he thought, my son would always love me.

Then there was the issue of Kole. A part of me wanted to run.

Then I thought about how pointless that would be.

No matter where I was, Kole was going to find me.

He always had. That was the only thing that stopped me from completely losing it.

Maybe Terror was right. I couldn’t protect MJ as well as he could.

Kole was adamant about disrupting my life this time.

What I had to witness when he and Terror had a showdown in my house still scared me.

I had never felt so close to death. Who knows if Kole was going to stay to try to finish what he started?

He had threatened a few times in the past. Never had he come this strong for MJ before.

He even had me legally change MJ’s name to his own.

I knew I had fucked up. I was in deep shit, with no allies.

I blew out a long breath as I sat up on the bed.

I was staying in an extended stay on Miller Rd, and it was a significant downgrade from my usual living situation.

I was able to look ahead of me and gather the whole room in my eyesight.

It was so small and cramped. I couldn’t afford anything much better until things got back on track with Terror.

I was asking a lot. I had plenty to be forgiven for, but looking back over our relationship, we both had made plenty of mistakes.

A child has a way of bringing people together.

MJ deserved two loving parents in one home.

I vowed to be everything he needed, if given the chance.

I would support whatever he wanted to do.

I just needed him to take me back in again, and this time I wouldn’t drop the ball.

I reached for my phone and dialed Ms. Lyn.

I prayed she would answer. I had been blowing her up.

She would usually only answer and talk to me long enough to tell me my son was okay.

She had even FaceTimed me and allowed me to see him a few days ago.

She didn’t tell MJ I was on the phone or let me talk to him.

“Crystal, I told you I’m keeping an eye on him, and he is okay. I’ll let you speak with him a little later,” she said without giving a formal greeting.

“Please! Don’t hang up. Ms. Lyn, I need to see him. I miss my son so much. I know I messed up, but this is not fair. I know MJ misses me, too.”

I was met with a heavy sigh on her end, so I continued to plead my case.

“I tuck him into bed every night. I was with my son every day. I know we haven’t had the best relationship, but I have kept your secrets; you owe me one.

Just let me see him for an hour. That’s all I ask.

I just want to see my son.” I felt the tears pooling on my eyelids.

I had never been in love with a man, but I loved my son.

Everyone could judge me by my decisions, but I didn’t care.

When I first gave birth to MJ, I had selfish reasons behind it, even though I can admit that now.

I thought his birth would make my life easier, and in some ways it did.

I was able to live comfortably financially.

However, being a mother requires a great deal of sacrifice.

Terror wasn’t always there in the beginning, and Kole was never there at all in any capacity other than to just cause trouble.

I was the one changing diapers, being up late when he wasn’t feeling well, or missing out on times with my friends.

Those sacrifices made a bond between him and me like no other.

I knew he ached for me like I ached for him.

“Look, I’ll meet you at the park on Averill. You have one hour and that’s all,” she said, disconnecting the line.

I jumped up and quickly threw my things in my bag.

It was unusual for me not to run by a mirror to make sure I was glamorized to perfection.

At this point, I didn’t care. I just wanted to see my baby.

I would have gone out wearing a garbage bag if I had to.

I raced to the park, and I made it there just in the nick of time to see them pull in.

I hopped out of my car and waited by the side of their vehicle with anticipation.

As soon as she opened the door, I damn near dove into the back seat, unbuckled my baby, and pulled him out.

“Mommy!” MJ said, holding his arms out and giving me a heartwarming smile. I hugged him so tightly I thought I would break him. Ms. Lyn eased out of the car and allowed me full access to him.

“I missed you so much, baby,” I said as my face flooded with tears.

“I missed you too, mommy. Daddy said you went away for a little while, but you would be back soon. Are you back now? Are you coming home with us?” He asked so innocently.

“Soon, baby, I promise this will be all over soon,” I soothed him.

“Let’s go play.”

We got out of the car, and he ran to the playground.

He went on the slide, and I played around with him for a while as he enjoyed himself.

He was just a kid. He didn’t understand that there was so much going on around him.

I was surprised he never asked about that day the shooting happened, but knowing Terror, he had already answered many of his questions.

Terror was a good father. MJ’s real father, no matter what.

MJ continued to run around, and I stepped back and watched him. Ms. Lyn joined me at my side.

“We have to be leaving soon. I shouldn’t have come. If Marcos knew, he would flip the hell out.” She said quietly.

“A few more minutes?”

She nodded her head. After a few more minutes, she got MJ loaded in the car and closed the door, allowing us to talk privately.

“Now look. I can’t be doing this. I can continue to tell you how he is, and I will even make time to FaceTime you a little more often.

You know it’s a lot going on. I don’t like Marcos keeping him away from you, no matter how much I don’t care for you. But he has plenty of good reasons.”

I looked at her slender frame, and I rolled my eyes to the heavens.

She was beautiful for her age. I’m certain she could pull any one of these young niggas out here.

She was of average height with brown skin, and she sported the short Nia Long pixie cut she had in the 90s.

She had a lot of nerve to call herself lecturing me when she had dirt as well.

“I will see my son! You must have forgotten that you have a secret that would blow your world up, just like mine. So don’t fucking lecture me. I get I made a mistake, but I am human and that is MY son,” I demanded. She shook her head, and her eyes pierced me so severely that it stole my breath.

“I don’t know what you think you know, but I promise you, you don’t know the half.

I made some mistakes in my life, but I know who I shared my pussy with, little girl.

I have never made a mistake like this. So, you better be glad that I am here.

I did this not for you, not for Marcos, but for MJ.

He doesn’t know what’s going on. All he knows is that he misses you.

He doesn’t have enough sense to recognize that his mother is a damn fool who couldn’t be woman enough to be real with the only man he knows as his father.

The mess you've created has rocked my son to the core, so if you think you have a one-up on me, think again. I’m a woman about everything in every sense of the word, and that’s something you damn sure need to learn still.

So like I said. I will call you and FaceTime you.

No more meetups until this is over.” She mumbled as she got in the car. “No, this little bitch didn’t.”

She backed out and left me standing there, shocked.

My feet were still planted in the same place as she turned out of the parking lot.

Ms. Lyn had always been with the shit, and I don’t even know why I tried her.

I didn’t get the full story on her dirt, but I was pulling for straws at this point.

I recall a few months ago, when I stumbled upon a conversation she was having.

I dropped MJ off with her to watch while I ran a few errands.

Her door was always open when I came over, so I didn’t think of anything when it was, and I walked right in.

I heard her talking to someone on speakerphone, and as I carried a sleeping MJ in, I heard her yelling at someone.

As I got into my car, I replayed it in my mind.

“Marvin, you are a piece of shit! You will keep your fucking hands off my son!” she shouted.

“He could’ve been mine, too, Lily,” a male voice responded.

“He is not! And do not call me that! Haven’t you done enough damage to my life?

Why would you want to do this? To get back at me?

Him? Nothing you can do can make me be with you.

You should’ve seen that all those years ago when you pulled your bullshit.

Leave my son alone or I will kill you my fucking self! ”

“Strong words for my delicate flower.”

“STOP THE FUCKING GAMES! What the hell do you want? You chased us out of Michigan, followed us to Florida, and now you are up here on games again. You know Him will kill you!” she shouted.

“He can’t kill shit from where he’s at? Once I get him under my wing, why don’t I tell him all about his real family?”

“Stop this! You took Him. What else do you want?” I could tell she was sobbing

“You want me to stop? You know what to do. I’ll see you soon, Lily.”

After I overheard the conversation, I stepped out into view.

The blood drained from her face as if she saw a ghost. She assured me, like today, that I hadn’t heard what I thought I heard and told me not to say a word to Terror about it.

She claimed she was trying to protect him from some street shit going on.

I held that card close to my chest. I had no reason to betray her trust because, for one, I still didn’t know exactly what I heard, and for two, like now, even though we hated each other, she would help me out with MJ the most.

As I travelled back to the hotel, I wanted to see what I could do to try to see my son more, but I settled on the idea that she was right.

Feeling defeated with slumped shoulders, I headed toward my room, which felt like my prison.

I had to figure out something soon. My money wasn’t going to last. I unlocked the door, and as soon as I did, I was pulled in forcefully and was thrown to the ground.

I looked around wildly, backing myself up to the bed, and a hand went over my mouth as I tried to scream.

A gun pressed to my temple, and I was met with the vicious eyes of Kole.

He was delirious. His dark skin looked as if it had darkened a few shades.

His usual neat appearance was anything but.

His hair was wild, and the scariest thing he was wearing was the smile on his lips.

“Please!” I begged into his hand. He let his grip slip a little so I could talk.

“Please let me go.”

“Shut the fuck up! Where is he? Where’s my son?” He shouted in my face.

“I promise I don’t know! I promise I don’t!” I cried. That was the truth. Terror wouldn’t allow me to know where he was keeping our son. I expected he knew a time like this would come. Kole drove the butt of his gun down hard on my jaw, causing blood to fill my mouth immediately.

“AAARGHH!”

“Shut up bitch! Tell me where he is!”

“I don’t know! Terror took him away from me. He won’t tell me where he is!”

Kole’s eyes crossed for a moment, and he popped his neck from side to side.

This nigga was crazy as hell, and I prayed that he accepted what I was saying as the truth.

When I saw him withdraw the gun from my face, I breathed out a sigh of relief.

He tucked it, turned, and headed to the door.

I thought he was going to leave, but instead, he locked himself in with me.

My throat went dry, and I shrank even further into the hotel carpet.

“Get yo’ stupid ass up and go in the bathroom and fix yo’ face.

When you come back in here, be ready to suck this dick.

” He sat on the edge of the bed, and I shuffled to the bathroom as quickly as humanly possible.

I spit blood into the sink and turned on the water.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and the bruise on my cheek was already turning a blackish purple color.

Tears fell from my eyes in big globs as I stared back at myself.

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, but I knew no matter what happened, I would never give MJ up to this monster. Even if that meant death for me.