Page 33 of Always Been You

I fought within myself, hearing her last words.

I could be there for him. I could be everything my son needed.

But how would he feel about me? Could he ever forgive me if he did find out?

Kids don’t understand how fucked up a parent is.

All they know is love. I knew that by the way he looked at me.

He had no idea his father was a killer or a street nigga. All he knew was that I was his hero.

I shook my head while I felt my resolve crumble.

I couldn’t risk breaking my relationship with him.

Even if he never found out, carrying a secret like that would kill me.

Nothing was going to come between him and me.

No matter what any paperwork said, MJ was my son.

I damn sure was gonna kill that nigga Kole, and I wouldn’t leave him out here to face the world alone.

I prayed he would understand that part because there was no getting around it.

That decision was irrevocable. Crystal, I may be able to let her live, but she wouldn’t be anywhere near me.

I hated a lot of things. Nothing more than her at this moment.

I didn’t think I could ever forgive her ass.

I threw my head back against the seat and let out a small laugh.

The very thing that I was about to kill her behind, saved her life.

She could continue to breathe, that’s it, though.

After a few minutes, I stepped out of the car.

I felt my body stiffen with every step toward the house.

I wasn’t ready to see her. I didn’t know how I would react.

I never hit a woman before, but it was going to take every bit of restraint I possessed not to knock her shit loose.

What kind of low ass female lets a nigga invest his whole life into a child that may not be his?

She knew exactly what she was doing, so I had no sympathy for what I was about to do.

I wouldn’t kill her, but any funding was cut the fuck off immediately.

I snatched the door open, and she was sitting there on the couch looking stupid as hell. I felt for my gun on instinct. Remembering it wasn’t there, I made a mental note to locate it and get it from her. I didn’t trust her for shit, so I didn’t know what she would do with it.

“Terror, I’m so sorry!” She came to me.

“Save that shit! All you can do for me is tell me where the fuck my gun is and get the fuck out of my presence!”

“No Terror, please calm down. I gave everything to Ms. Lyn to handle. I knew exactly how to handle things. I know you mad, baby, and I’m so sorry, but if you forgive me, I promise we can get through this,” she approached me and began to sob.

Her eyes were bloodshot red, and her face was full of tears.

This bitch really had some nerve to be crying in front of me like it was going to move me.

Shit, I was the one who had their whole life flipped upside down.

She wasn’t sorry, she just knew she was ass out.

Everything I thought was true could be a lie, and she is the one crying?

She couldn’t even protect MJ. I was the one who stepped up and sacrificed myself.

My body caught lead for him. Bruh, fuck this bitch!

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” I jerked from her when she reached for me.

She made a big, dramatic scene by falling to the ground like I knocked her ass out, like I imagined.

I couldn’t take this behavior she was displaying.

Once she hit the floor, still crying like a fool, my mom came flying out of the back room like a maniac.

“Marcos, I know you didn’t just hit this girl!” My mother scolded me.

“Hell naw. Ain’t nobody hit her dumb ass.”

“Terror, please! You are the only father he knows. I know he may not be—"

“Don’t you ever fucking let those words leave your fucking mouth!

That is MY son, and you bet not tell him shit different!

Get the fuck out of this house. MJ is gonna be with me until I kill that nigga, and after that time, you will be able to see him again on my terms. You don’t even have enough sense to keep him safe. I don’t trust you around him.”

“That’s not fair! He’s my son, too. Where am I supposed to go? I don’t have any money and I can’t go back to my house. What am I supposed to do???”

“Bitch you think I give a fuck where your next meal coming from? You got down on me four years, and you think I’m trying to hear about what you don’t have?

Bitch get over on the next nigga like you did me, for all I give a fuck.

What I do know is you betta get yo’ ass out of here because I don’t got shit else for you!

” I tried to grab her, but the wound on my side made my body snap back upright at the slightest bend.

“Look, Crystal, it’s time for you to go,” my mom interjected.

“But Ms. Lyn—"

“No buts! Get yo’ ass out of here, girl!

You don’t have enough sense to know that I just saved yo’ ass.

You are dead ass wrong, and the only reason I let you stay for a second is because of my grandbaby.

Now you worn out your welcome.” My mother pulled her up from the floor and took her out the front door.

I went to the bedroom where MJ was sleeping.

I hated this for him. I never imagined that he would have had to witness what he did.

I never had him anywhere near my street life.

He knew nothing about what I did, outside of the restaurant.

Now, gunshots and murder would invade his dreams at the age of four.

I’m sure he would have a lot of questions, and I would have to explain a lot.

At this point, there was no sugar coating.

I would have to be real with him and help him through this, just like he was helping me through my own truth.

I left MJ sleeping after saying a few silent prayers over him.

I knew it was time to air shit out. I couldn’t hesitate on what I needed to do.

Kole was going to be a distant memory as soon as I got hold of his ass.

It was either him or me, but we both couldn’t stand.

No man would try to kill me and think it wasn’t some shit coming his way.

Furthermore, I couldn’t let him have MJ.

He only wanted him for selfish reasons. He wasn’t a part of his life this long; now, all of a sudden, he wanted to pop up.

It was more to this than just MJ, and I had to get to the bottom of that, too.

I centered my thoughts. I thirsted for revenge like I hadn’t had a drink in years, but I needed to be smart.

I couldn’t afford to miscalculate this. When I took my shot at him, it would end some shit, not leave me with unanswered questions.

Why the fuck was he here, and what did he want?

It wasn’t adding up. I shook my head when I thought that Crystal was probably the only one who could help me answer those questions.

I took my phone out of my pocket and plugged it into the charger in the corner of the room.

Dyami .

She took possession of my thoughts aggressively.

I knew she was probably calling me and was worried.

I would have to tell her about all this.

She was a little apprehensive by nature, so I would tell her enough to keep her informed.

I didn’t want to scare her. I would also need to keep her safe.

This would be my mom’s last day in this house, and I would have to move Dyami, too.

Nobody was getting close to anyone I loved.

It was time to turn shit up, and I wouldn’t let my people get caught in the crossfire.

Once my phone had enough juice, I powered it on, and it began to vibrate and chime, as if it had been off for a week instead of a few hours.

Maybe the streets had heard about what happened.

I looked, and I had hundreds of missed calls and hundreds of texts.

I scrolled through and found some frantic texts from Dyami that made me sit up.

Over ten, please answer the phone messages, then more.

Where are you? I need your help! And more aggressive messages asking where I was.

Then the last one knocked the wind from me.

I think I’m going to jail. Please tell me what to do!

What the fuck was going on?