Page 49 of Always Been You

“Well, we have a few hours before we can leave. Why don’t we just get some rest? I can wake everybody up and make sure they are ready in a few hours.” She sat on the edge of the bed, and I came to her.

“I apologize for the way I spoke to you,” I said, and she rolled her eyes.

Damn, I loved her mean ass. “I’m being serious.

I never learned.” I stopped myself and took a deep breath.

“I’m going to take the steps to learn how to deal with my emotions in a better way.

There is no excuse for that shit. What I said to you was way out of bounds, and it will never happen again. I won’t lose you, Dyami.”

“I hear you. What we both have gone through is hard. Honestly, we can both go to therapy and work through all this trauma we experienced when we were kids.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” I said honestly.

I crawled into bed, wrapped her up in my arms, and I felt a calm passing through me.

I would never have let her walk out that door on me.

Many aspects of my life were better just because she was a part of it.

“You know why I like to watch you?” I asked, not even knowing why it just popped into my mind.

“Why?” she asked bashfully.

“Because I love to see you clear your mind. You are always thinking. Your mind is always turning, but I love it when you let go. I love when I’m just looking at you bare in front of me. It’s sexy as hell.”

“Umm hmm. How many females did you tell that to?” she joked. I laughed too. She just didn’t know.

“I can’t say I never tried it with another female, but I never enjoyed it with them.

See, ever since I was a little nigga it’s always been about you.

I knew what you were going through, so even then, I used to think about you doing that for me.

I wanted to know how to please you, and I wanted you to show me.

I never asked then because you used to flag on me.

So yeah, I asked one other female, but that was where I was fucking up.

My fantasy isn’t just watching any woman. My fantasy is watching you, Dyami.”

I saw her cheeks blush red at my words, and she didn’t respond. “I have always been in love with you. You ain’t walking out of no doors on me,” I spoke firmly.

“I love you too,” she whispered.

While we were lying there, there was one last thing I felt the need to get off my chest. “I killed Jay.” Her heart rate picked up quickly, and I felt her breath get a little ragged. She took a few deep breaths, and within seconds, her pulse slowed down.

“Okay,” she responded before we both fell asleep.

***

I was in the new restaurant location, knocking back a few shots of henny while I sat at the bar.

The new place came together easily. We got the insurance payout and put that money down to pay for this outright.

I was finalizing the transfer of everything to Chubby and ensuring he was set for shipments.

As soon as I touched back home, I knew I had to get moving.

A lot of shit happened that made me realize that this was a lot deeper than I first imagined.

This made this little link-up not only appropriate but necessary.

I wasn’t scared or nervous, but I was aware that something like this could go either way, and I wasn’t crazy enough not to be prepared for whatever was to come.

I didn’t get this far by not being careful.

I had a feeling that it wouldn’t come to that.

At least I hoped it wouldn’t. The fact that there was silence around this whole issue was intriguing and suspicious in a way.

I began to realize that there were many things I wasn’t privy to.

That could be dangerous for me. But being the man I am, I knew it was time to clear the air.

I lifted my eyes, and I saw Smoke, Brick’s brother, walking through the door. He had bulked up immensely since the last time I saw him. This nigga was built like a tank. I guess he used all the extra time he wasn’t out hustling to hit the gym. He walked up and sat next to me.

“What up?” he spoke evenly. His disposition, as always, was unreadable.

Smoke was the type that could be over the moon happy as hell or pissed off, and you never could tell.

He masked himself so well. I never saw the benefit of that until recently.

Now I just knew it was something that came with the territory and something that would stick with me for the rest of my life.

“So much shit bruh, you don’t even know,” I replied.

“I got an idea, but I’ll let you tell me.”

He was baiting me and being purposefully cryptic.

“I just wanted to tell you, for you to hear it from me. I didn’t have shit to do with what happened to Brick. But I was there, and I saw who did.”

“The fact that you think you would still be standing if I even had the thought that you did is disrespectful to me. Nigga if I had an inkling that you had any hand in it, you wouldn’t be fucking breathing.

” His words were intense and menacing, yet he never once raised his voice.

He turned to me and made sure to maintain direct eye contact, which never wavered.

“I got respect for you, but calm down nigga because I’m a man just like you.

” I bucked up. I was being man enough to have this conversation with him, and I didn’t give a fuck how long this nigga's been in the game. We both had shit with us, and I wasn’t nobody’s bitch.

He cracked a smirk at my words as we sized each other up.

I felt like I owed him because of the opportunities he created for me, but that loose lip shit wasn’t going to happen.

Our energies were equivalent, and it felt like the space was too small for both of us.

“Nigga I’m laying anybody down about my family. Fuck you mean? You asked me here to what? Clear yo’ conscious? Naw fam I ain’t stupid, what the fuck you want?”

“I was trying to be real enough to settle some shit. Nigga I was trying to let you know that Slash had a target on Brick’s back and he missed, but I saw some chick pop him. Your fucking hostility is misguided nigga, but if you're trying to take it there, I promise you I ain’t scared to go.”

“Being scared isn’t a prerequisite for death,” he spoke calmly, but the threat was lethal enough to keep my eyes on him.

“Well, let the best man win, nigga.” I shot that energy straight back.

I worked for this man at one time, and he put me in the game.

That was the only reason I allowed him to carry on for this long.

I did mean exactly what I said, though. I was ready to take it there if need be.

He stood, and that made me rise to my feet as well.

His eyes were attentive, as were mine. You don’t pull shit out unless you were prepared to end a life, and I didn’t want to see it go there.

I had a feeling he didn’t either, or he wouldn’t have been here.

“Look, I don’t ever need help handling my business. If I had questions for you, I would have saw you about them. I’m not worried about what somebody tried to do to my brother, and I ain’t helping you close no doors on your behalf. I don’t leave shit open-ended, my way, that’s young nigga shit.”

“Slash had a hit out on Brick, that’s the only reason why you here. I damn sure don’t need your fucking help. That nigga dead either way it go, and what you mean tried to do to Brick? What you saying he—"

“You worried about the wrong shit! You need to be worried about that bitch that pinned a baby on you because she is as dirty as they fucking come. Bruh, I seen too much shit, so I don’t let nothing slip past me.

Slash didn’t have nothing to do with it.

That shit was about you the whole time. I see you got heart, but a word of advice, if you trying to make it out here, you better focus on yo’ own problems and be ready to say fuck everybody's feelings. You sitting up here trying to pour your heart out to a nigga that don’t give a damn about none of that.

You need to be on that nigga Kole’s ass instead of sitting here with me.

Keep yo’ head on a swivel and when you think about looking my way keep turning muthafucka! ”

There was nothing left for either of us to say.

He left, and I sat back on the bar stool.

It didn’t go as bad as I thought it might have.

My conscience was clear, knowing what happened was not something that I could have stopped.

I grabbed a bottle of Hennessy from behind the bar and poured up two shots.

I slammed them on the table in front of me once they were empty.

The liquid burned slightly on the way down.

One thing Smoke was right about. It was time to stop worrying about feelings, and it was time to wreck shit like never before.