Page 89 of Should Our Stars Collide

Ash leans back, breaking the contact. Kieran feels the loss like a punch in the gut, but he’ll be damned if he says anything.

“It’s not that complicated, Kieran. Have you ever been stuck at a crossroads, unable to commit to a choice? Maybe for fear of making a wrong one, or simply because it was too much responsibility? Andyou thought to yourself: I wish someone could decide for me, take the weight off my shoulders.”

“I mean, yeah, but I eventually made it myself anyway, because if there was someone, chances were they would just pick something that would suck.”

People wrongly label him as a responsible person who will always take it upon himself to resolve an issue. What a joke. Kieran’s not responsible, he’s just fucking done waiting for someone to help him. It’s easier to take care of everything himself. The only way to keep himself safe.

“Which is why you would only let the person you trust, who has your wellbeing at the forefront of their mind, make the choice for you,” Ash says, words heavy with insinuation.

“And that’s…you?”

He sits back, arms open and face smug. “Ash Cleaver, at your service.”

A breathless laugh is punched out of Kieran. “I must be losing it, but it’s actually starting to make sense.”

While he doesn’t have a rational explanation for it, he can’t deny he instinctively trusts Ash. And he can’t even blame it on this body, because there had been signs even before he time-hopped.

“So, how do we work out when you make decisions and when I make them? Like, do I ever get a say?”

Yeah, okay, he’s at a stage where he can admit that letting someone else call the shots sounds pretty fucking relaxing. But, surely, a line must be drawn somewhere.

“Darling, you have all the power here.” Kieran’s so distracted by being called ‘darling’—and the fact he doesn’t hate it—that he almost misses the rest of what Ash is saying. “You just decided to give it over to me because you trust me. But one word from you, and everything stops.”

“I take it back. It just stopped making sense. How can I have all the power, but also none, at the same time?”

Ash purses his lips, trying to come up with an explanation.

And that’s another thing. He always takes the time and effort to explain things. He doesn’t get frustrated when Kieran doesn’t understand something. Never looks at him like Kieran is stupid, even though he probably is. He’s always been a little slow on the uptake.

But for some reason, he doesn’t feel stupid when he’s with Ash. Confused and irritated, absolutely. But not stupid.

Funny how being with someone so unapologetically arrogant and patronizing makes him feel better about himself.

“Have you ever been to an escape room?” Ash asks.

“A couple of times.” Back in uni, and both times were with Dawson, who does not perform well under pressure. Kieran gave up after that.

“It’s like that. You pretend you can’t escape without solving the puzzles. You get the adrenaline hit, but you can stop anytime.”

“So we are…pretending?”

“Essentially.”

Huh. Okay, that’s… That doesn’t soundtooterrible. Like watching a horror movie. Or going on a rollercoaster. Technically, that one you could die on, but the point stands.

Ash scooches closer again, resting an arm on the back of the sofa.

“I know it must be difficult to wrap your head around it right now. I’ll tell you one thing, though, which I hope will put you at ease.”

Kieran swallows, something in his gut telling him that the next words are going to be monumental.

“You are safe,” Ash says, enunciating each word carefully. “What we do, every decision I make for you, or that we make together, it’s safe. Not only for you, but for me too. We keep each other safe.”

Okay, Kieran’s officially lost it. Because right now, this arrangement sounds pretty damn sweet.

But there’s one thing he doesn’t get. “What do you need to be safe from?”

Ash’s responding smile doesn’t hold much humor. It’s more rueful, almost pained.