Page 151 of Should Our Stars Collide

One thing still makes Kieran worry, though: Ash hasn’t startedtalking about it.He’s clinging to Kieran like a koala and kisses him more than his poor heart can handle, but the whole family situation never comes up.

Not wanting to burst his happy bubble, Kieran doesn’t mention it,even if it keeps eating at him.

He’s still sore from the night before, stretched out across the sofa and Ash’s legs like a casualty of war, Tequila glaring at him for snatching her favorite spot. They’re halfway throughMean Girls, which, as it turns out, is Ash’s favorite movie. It’s also the only thing that stopped Kieran from breaking up with him after Ash shamelessly admitted he doesn’t like theAlienfranchise. Because how can someone look at Ripley in her power loader and feel nothing?! But then Ash redeemed himself by quoting lines from Regina George word-for-word, so there’s still hope for him.

And then, out of nowhere, after Cady gets grounded by her parents, Ash starts to open up.

It happens gradually; a comment here, a dry remark there, while the TV plays in the background. Kieran just listens, doesn’t push, too scared to break whatever spell has set Ash’s lips loose.

But eventually, everything pours out, as if someone knocked down a dam.

Ash talks in that steady way he does everything else. It almost feels like he’s describing someone else’s life, apart from the few instances when something hits too close and too deep to maintain that lukewarm state of detachment.

Kieran uses his finger to draw random patterns onto Ash’s palm while he talks about a father who never punished in obvious ways, but erased instead. About days of silence that followed if he ever stepped out of line, being ignored as though he didn’t exist. About a mother who stood by without protest, contributing to the emptiness until his father decided it’d been long enough to teach a lesson. About how Ash would act out on purpose just to get some kind of reaction. To see if he was worth getting upset over, at least a little bit, and how that got him shipped off to the UK for a year.

Kieran listens, still and heavy, as the words settle over him. He tries to imagine Ash as a boy, invisible in his own home, and his chest knots tight. The version of Ash he knows now, the one who fills every room with his presence, who makes himself unavoidable, suddenly makespainful sense.

Ash’s words are calm and quiet, but what he doesn’t say is painfully loud. Once again, puzzle pieces Kieran’s been finding scattered around finally start to form a picture.

Ash has never stopped wanting the things he wished for as a kid. He still wants—needs—to be noticed, challenged, even. To be cared about enough that someone bothers to fight with him.

It’s startlingly clear now; Kieran’s rough edges, sharp tongue, and emotionally turbulent nature aren’t something Ash endures. They’re not a burden, but more of a medicine. Being face to face with anger and confrontation doesn’t make him cower—it makes him feel alive. Important.Real.

Ash doesn’t stop there, but the rest of the confessions aren’t as heart-shattering. They only confirm what Kieran already gathered when faced with his parents—how logic takes precedence over emotion, how personal goals and dreams have no place in the world shaped by success and power. What a boring, textbook paper-pusher mentality.

The story changes tune, then. Ash talks about Gabe; not just his cousin, but his only friend when they were kids, despite the age difference. How spending time with someone so open-hearted, with a warm, chaotic parent like Carrie, showed him that life can be lived differently. How growing up without a dad didn’t take away from Gabe’s empathy and compassion, only strengthened it. How he taught Ash that everything in life is a choice.

Which is why he chose to go into psychology, as a way to—Kieran guessed it—spite his parents, unwittingly discovering his purpose. How unraveling the human psyche and having people open up to him, trust him, became addictive. How helping people proved to him that he didn’t need to become his father, something he always feared.

“Know what would really piss your parents off?” Kieran asks with glee.

Ash lifts a curious eyebrow.

“You should change your name. And ideally to somethingoffensive. Like Phoebe did inFriends.”

Ash tips his head back and laughs. “Banana-hammock? Itdoeshave a nice ring to it.”

Kieran giggles. “Right?”

“But I think another one would suit me better.”

“Oh? Do tell!”

“Well…” Ash cups the back of his neck, pulling him in for an unexpected, sweet kiss. “I’ve always been partial to the name Emberton.” Kieran’s mouth goes dry. “What do you think? Ash Emberton. Not bad, huh?”

Shit. He’s not joking. “W-wouldn’t it be Ashley Emberton?”

Ash rolls his eyes. “Technicalities.”

Remembering the ring burning a hole in his jacket, Kieran quickly guards his mind. “You should discuss that with the other me when he’s back.”

For a second, he swears Ash’s expression falters, but then he’s smiling again. “Oh, I will. I just wanted to see what you thought.”

“S-sounds good to me,” Kieran stammers out, his heart hammering away.

He can only wonder who gets to ask the other first.

It happens two days later, after they fall back into their usual rhythm: Ash’s morning run that Kieran joins him for, powered purely by the promise of a reward. Stopping atLost and Groundfor a chat, coffee, and pastries Ash won’t stop grumbling about. Ash going to work while Kieran tries to co-exist with the murder cat, or goes to spend time with Dawson. Ash kissing him hello when he comes home, asking what Kieran wants for dinner and acting disappointed when the answer isn’t ‘you’.Falling into bed tangled in each other, as Ash pulls all sorts of embarrassing sounds from Kieran.