Page 177 of Should Our Stars Collide

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Turns out, bravery is a rather short-lived state of being. And in Ash’s case, it only lasts until he hauls his ass over to Kieran’s place.

He paces in front of the apartment building like he’s trying to wear a trench into the concrete. He’s been here long enough to attract a few suspicious glances. One guy even slowed down to make sure he wasn’t casing the place. Fair enough. Heisloitering with intent.

His hand keeps twitching toward the buzzer, then retreating. It’s not fear of rejection that stops him, quite the opposite. He knows that once he rings that bell and Kieran lets him in, that’s it. No more pretending he’s above it all. No moreplaying it safe.No takebacks. It will be all cards on the table.

He exhales hard, dragging a hand through his hair. He stands there a moment longer, pulse thrumming, then mutters, “Screw it,” and finally reaches for the buzzer.

It’s not until he’s waiting for the intercom to come to life that he remembers Kieran’s been MIA for a week now. And Ash just decided to rock up without a heads-up. What if he’s not home? What if Ash just gave himself a major adrenaline spike with nothing to show for it?

Ugh, it’s Gabe’s fault. He got him all excited and hopeful, acting like a dumb character in a dumb romcom, and now?—

“’Lo?”

It’s mostly static, but Ash clearly recognizes Kieran’s voice, tired and hoarse, as if he just woke up.

“Hey,” is what he means to say. What comes out is a velociraptor noise. He clears his throat and tries again. “Hey, it’s Ash. Can I?—”

“Number 1134,” Kieran blurts out before the glass doors slide open.

“Yeah, I know,” Ash mutters to himself and heads to the lifts before his bravery fizzles out completely.

The memory of a few weeks ago when he brought Kieran home from the pub pops into his head. Back then, he thought that having to force his legs to move and leave the apartment once Kieran fell asleep was hard. But he did it, and he naively praised his willpower in taking a step back and putting an end to it before anything started.

Apparently, he was already a goner but kept telling himself the opposite. Delusion 101.

Once the lift spits him out on the 11thfloor, he drags his feet to Kieran’s apartment. He never gets a chance to knock—the door swings open right in front of him, revealing a disheveled Kieran. There are dark circles under his eyes, his hair is sticking in all possible directions, and there’s a deep pillow crease on his left cheek. He’s clearly exhausted, maybe a little defeated, and Ash kinda hates himself for thinking how adorable he looks.

“Hi,” he says. Peak of articulation, really. “I?—”

Kieran’s fist curls into his shirt, and he gets dragged inside with more force than he’d expected, the door slamming closed behind him. Before he can find his footing, literallyandfiguratively, Kieran’s arms are around him, also way stronger than he’d expected.

“Kieran.”

He’s not complaining, but the closeness makes it significantly harder to focus. It also makes blood rush to places that have no business getting involved right now.

“Just gimme a sec,” is what Kieran is probably mumbling. Hard to say, given he’s nuzzling Ash’s chest, taking in deep breaths through his nose. “Hmm, I’ve missed this.”

This? As in hugging? They’ve never done that before, though. Or maybe he means just touching Ash?

Curious, and not knowing what else to do while he’s being used as an emotional support plushie, Ash holds Kieran close while he sneaks a quick look inside his mind.

Kieran’s thoughts are almost a copy-paste reflection of reality. Once again, they’re strikingly sharp, suggesting he’s been thinking them on repeat for a long time. This particular thought is of them hugging at what Ash recognizes as the street where his favorite Indian restaurant is. Is that what Kieran had been hoping for when he kidnapped Ash on a date? To be hugged like this before the night ended?

The possibility makes Ash wrap his arms around him tighter and he drops a gentle kiss to the birdnest of his hair.

After an eternity, or two minutes, who the hell knows, Kieran’s hold lightens, and he looks up, chin propped on Ash’s chest.

“You’re here.” His face transforms with a huge smile, but his eyes are suspiciously glassy.

“Yeah.” He strokes Kieran’s back. “I’ve been around the café, and at the bar. I thought I’d bump into you.”

Kieran seems pleased. “I was trying to give you a bit of space after the last ambush. If you hadn’t reached out by Tuesday, I was going to resort to stalking again.”

At least he’s calling it as it is.

Ash snorts. “How considerate of you.”